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  • the legal chrges dropped - access to my personal possessions only

    Just a question regarding the possession of the home, the ability to take possession of my belongings after the court drops the charges. If anybody would have something to help or add in anyway???

    So the lawyer called today and she said the talks with the prosecutor is they want to drop the charges. lawyer said they indicated conditional that i do not contact her so there will be no further problems. First thought is - Great I do not want to contact her and listening to the lawyer at least in my case, she has proven up to now not to be able to come to the table and negotiate or even talk so the expensive lawyer route will not be avoided (kind of knew that from more or less the onset) so here is the question:

    If the charges are dropped by the court and I do not want to return to the house, but my belongings remain in the house - I would like to have access to my belongings, remove that which is mine. I did stop by the police station today to ask what the policy regarding all this was. The clerk said with the charges still still active, the policy of the Kingston Police Department ,for the lack of resources, is ten minutes max at the house with a police escort for the removal of basic things. It is up to the police officer to decide what they will allow to be removed and I am allowed to meet the officer at the station beforehand to discuss this before we go to the house but they are short of officers so they can't be there for any length of time.

    But what if the charges are dropped? Does the issue of going back to the house and retrieving my belongings go away too? The only thing I have not been able to think out is if regardless of all charges being dropped - she just remains unreasonable and refuses to let anything leave. The other is her not being there, so it would be my son who I would need his help anyway to physically move the stuff I do want like one of my tool boxes with some tools. Thanks for your thoughts......

  • #2
    You get your lawyer to request from her lawyer 3 dates/times where you can go and retrieve your belongings. Give her a list of things you want to remove. Then you pick one of those times and go get your stuff. You request SHE not be there, that if she wishes she can have a mutually agreed upon third party present in her stead. You take ONLY the items on the list, and you make the 3rd party SIGN OFF that those were the only items taken.

    By NOT returning to the home, you realize you are starting off at a disadvantage right? Once the charges are dropped, you are well within your rights to go home (assuming your ex has not played the "exclusive use" card in your absence)

    By leaving the home, and having to negotiate for even your basic belongings...what incentive does she have to settle with you? Personally I would recommend you return home, making sure you have a pair of voice recorders with you to prevent further "incidents" like your latest.

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    • #3
      And based on the sounds of your ex, I would advise you to get emotionally prepared for the possibility of your stuff no longer being there.

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      • #4
        First, I would suggest you get the Kingston PD to update the charges being dropped. Bring a copy of all documentation relating to the charges being dropped and insist they update their database. If they will not do this, request their explanation in writing.

        Secondly, the threat of domestic threat/assault charge being levied on you is high to extremely probable, given the situation. With one phone call she can ban you from the matrimonial home and place a restraining around your neck, that will take months and thousands of $ to resolve. She merely has to claim she 'feels' threatened by you. She will also contact a 'womans' shelter to seal the deal, sort of speak. Also, be sure to get an agreed too third party to be present during your visit person, that person "MUST" be willing to sign off that you only took the agreed too items and nothing more. Otherwise she will claim you stole her property. This crap happens all the time my freind.

        I'm not familiar with your case background and given how 'people are abusing the DV infrastructure, with powerful effect, I would heed NBDads advice and offer three times to show up and retrieve your belongings. Get an agreed statement on what those items are, otherwise the visit will turn into a cluster@#$^%.

        Good luck and be on high alert for DV charges!

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        • #5
          Thanks for the responses! After talking to the student lawyer who has really worked her "----" off for me, going way past her mandate on my behalf, the divorce lawyer who pointed out what I should have to protect my rights and a special visit to our less than friendly to me police station I have concluded "that there is no answer". Sorry, I should be more sensitive but there is not one consensus leaving me with a big I do not know....... I can't go home and I realize my health is vastly more important than stuff.

          Everything that happened with the ex and so much that I have learned in the last two months with respect to my situation, my allowing a pattern of spousal abuse to continue for so long (I did give them a "Whoa there!" to which they took the time for me to better understand what I had been so good at blocking out for so long). So without rehashing the past, the thought of returning to the home is out of the question, I admit to the fact that it is I who is actually scared of her, what she has done, could do and the police???? They were nowhere, and when I called them for help they were nowhere - when I needed them the most they - they treated me like a drug addict and she was the innocent angel.

          OUt of the house, getting the help I needed from the crisis team here, they have determined that I was the victim of significant spousal abuse and all this is getting recorded in "the system" - It is allowing them to accellerate my application and eventual placement in the appropriate adaptive housing where I can get the appropriate help that I need. But as to returning to the house, facing the ex, police or not (actually I fear them almost as much following the treatment I recieved the last time - oh and I am told I am not the first to be treated as I have by the city's finest! I have the right to return to the house now under police escort but for me this is of not much use do to the restrictions of what is allowed to be removed from the home. This will change when the charges are dropped (I am told).

          But after speaking to the lawyers, the police and all the crisis people, countless interviews and evaluations I beleive the reality for the ex is, as I am told, will backfire on her - time will tell. As far as my belongings?? My son is there but again here is one of the kids "in the middle". I have been very careful not to get them in the middle but this time should I get some of my bigger things (like my tool box) I will need his help and it can't be removed in 20 minutes, right now I am not allowed to contact the ex and getting the lawyer involved at $300 an hour is something I wish to avoid - As he reminded me today, just because he writes a letter, then a second, third and she just says no (expected) it is a waste of time and money.

          The only thing that came to my mind after all this energy expended is the prosecutor's office - that perhaps as a negotiation to the dropping of the charges that they stipulate that I may enter the house to remove my belongings and the ex will not have the option to say no. The kids will not be "envolved" aside from my son who will help me get the heavier stuff out of there as quickly as possible. I am working on a detailed list with pictures of the things I would like to remove (I have pictures of everything in the home taken just the week before Christmas). Maybe that will help when the time comes?

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