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  • #16
    [quote=WorkingDAD;82790]There is no phone to call.quote]


    Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
    wasnt there something said in the first post that no one answered the phone??? The way i read it the ex does have a phone so there is no excuse not to call.
    I asked him if he had called to say he would be late. He said there was no phone.

    Originally posted by WorkingDAD View Post
    she has a phone. she can call. I always has wireless. When I call number she gave me - no reply. What I can do? I call all numbers I have - all dead or no answer.

    Never be late - I was not late on purpose. And I was not late hours or so. And let me note "I have doubts they were there" and I am sure they did not wait even 30 min because I came before 30 min.
    You can explain your lateness any way you want so it sounds like you are reasonable. Whether it was on purpose or not doesn't matter. Bottom line is you were late.

    You don't know what her plans were. Maybe she had an appointment and she could'nt wait for you.

    It is not her responsibility to call you and find out if you are coming to pick up your son.

    You have doubts that they were even there, but you don't know that for certain.

    The only certainty here is, you were late.

    You can make this about her and trying to prove contempt or you can take responsibility for your own actions.

    Comment


    • #17
      frustratedwithex is right in that you need to remove all possabilities of excuses for your ex to interpret your actions in any way. Be 30 min early if you need to. I understand the issue of patterns but calling the police because your ex will not open a door - it would not take too many times before they charge you with some form of misuse of the police system in civil issues (just a guess). Is there not a way that you can document your arrival and denial? It is hard to take but you must be smarter than she is while not escalating the "high Conflict" in your situation. One day you may be able to go before the court again but you need to find what would be a solid reason for doing so. Bulletproof.

      I believe you were the couple who she indicated she was cutting off her phone (perhaps to limit your access to your child - perhaps not) and wanted you to contact her mother???? Whatever the case you need to be brutal in your making sure you are not the cause or complaint. This is first step for sure. Once you haave a pattern of you being 100% to keeping your side and then documenting your lack of access with a strong pattern then I would think you may have the chance to take it back into the system for a judge to "do what they do" in these types of situations - do not give a judge any chance to turn to you and say that you are part of the problem.

      Question is why is it you are set up that you do all the transportation? I would think that the fair method would be sharing this responsability equally - if doesn't drive then it can be a taxi, the bus, a friend but her responsability for her half of safe transportation????

      Comment


      • #18
        Common people!!!! Really??? It is his kid as well! He is not in high school- did or didn't do his homework, whatever.... We are talking about a child who has been denied time with his DAD!!!! And all because he was 30 min late??? Are you kidding me?!!! Whatever his reasons are for being late, the mother obviously is taking advantage. Should he know better knowing his ex? Sure, but she has no right to deny access, and before she is to take the kid away on HIS time, she has to let him know. Period. And yes, he should be able to bring it up in court or call police when the child is not there for the exchange, but I did not have any experience with that.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by ddol1 View Post
          frustratedwithex is right in that you need to remove all possabilities of excuses for your ex to interpret your actions in any way. Be 30 min early if you need to.
          I have a job (does not matter in this occasion thou). If I could I would be there 15 min early, but I have little doubt that she would complain about that one too. And I was not late for 30 min. That was less than that. for the year and half I think I had 15 min to get from work to exchange place. Sometimes when something happened on road and I late for 5 min - she begin whining. I actually did ask judge on one of case conf to give me a window of 15 min without to be "late"

          Question is why is it you are set up that you do all the transportation? I would think that the fair method would be sharing this responsability equally - if doesn't drive then it can be a taxi, the bus, a friend but her responsability for her half of safe transportation????
          that what I thought too and wrote in my parenting plan. but because someone sit on welfare and do not have a car (and only learning driver license ) Judge did not go for that one.

          Comment


          • #20
            You are one to get the - NO - You Take th etime to learn the law and make it work for his children. With that I have no doubt and in many ways envy the effort and energy you are able to devote to your family in this new form. I also think you are taking the words here in the good intent they are intended and will work on doing the right thing again - one day your ex will realize you will not give up the "fair fight" in what is the shared parenting which includes the handoff on visitation time.

            What you decscribe for your ex and why the work is on you to transport - perhaps time will go on your side and there can be an adjustment to this to be closer to shared transportation and the costs of same. And trust me when I say I do envy you, your ability to stick with it no matter what. As many have said before - you are a model to which many can look up to. I think of just thinking of what I have to do and I have just started and I get ill just thinking of it. I just do not have the physical stamina and what I do/did have my ex effectively drained ---- for now!!! I am in the get better (ok better than what I am now) program and with that I hope to be able to stand up to what my ex does as well.

            What both our ex's have yet to learn is in thier attempt to hurt us, punish us, or whatever they may be thinking - they in fact are hurting the children much more. Much much more. I am lucky in the fact that my kids are much older but still they can feel it the same. What has happened here in the last week though is the best"xmas" present a dad's children could have ever given me. I have told them this each one several times.

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by JB514 View Post
              Common people!!!! Really??? It is his kid as well! He is not in high school- did or didn't do his homework, whatever.... We are talking about a child who has been denied time with his DAD!!!! And all because he was 30 min late??? Are you kidding me?!!! Whatever his reasons are for being late, the mother obviously is taking advantage. Should he know better knowing his ex? Sure, but she has no right to deny access, and before she is to take the kid away on HIS time, she has to let him know. Period. And yes, he should be able to bring it up in court or call police when the child is not there for the exchange, but I did not have any experience with that.
              True but he knows it is high conflict so like the advice others have given he should be right on time or early. I can turn this around and say by him being late it is cutting into her time without the child. She could have appointments or whatever and has to leave. It is up to the person to be one time or make every effort to contact the person to say they will be late. She does not have to let him know anything, he has to let her know when he will be late.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by WorkingDAD View Post
                I have a job (does not matter in this occasion thou). If I could I would be there 15 min early, but I have little doubt that she would complain about that one too. And I was not late for 30 min. That was less than that. for the year and half I think I had 15 min to get from work to exchange place. Sometimes when something happened on road and I late for 5 min - she begin whining. I actually did ask judge on one of case conf to give me a window of 15 min without to be "late"



                .
                Instead of giving you a 15 minute window so you are not late, why didnt you make the exchange 15mins later then it is now?? That would give you the extra time in case of whatever. To ask for some extra time in case you are late shows that you timed it to close. I take it that the extra time wasnt granted?? By asking for that it shows that you do not think you can make the specified time. If you have to leave work early then that is what you have to do.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                  I can turn this around and say by him being late it is cutting into her time without the child. She could have appointments or whatever and has to leave.
                  Really? I meant seriously? "cutting into her time without the child" and that exactly why she took of from her residence for whole time and not reply on any communications for more than 24 hours (in violation of court order) and than after reading that I will pick him up in 30 min keep silent again.

                  It is up to the person to be one time or make every effort to contact the person to say they will be late. She does not have to let him know anything, he has to let her know when he will be late.
                  As I said before she does not have wireless phone and she did not pick up (and no answering machine turned on what would be just coincidence right?)
                  what effort I should make? May be call fire department so they will come to entertain her for 15 minutes so she will not leave?

                  And let's turn it around one more time. What about little one? Does she has to make any afford so he will be with his dad instead of opposite?

                  I repeat one more time - it's not like I am late every second time. We a talking about something what happened very rarely

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                    Instead of giving you a 15 minute window so you are not late, why didnt you make the exchange 15mins later then it is now?? That would give you the extra time in case of whatever. To ask for some extra time in case you are late shows that you timed it to close. I take it that the extra time wasnt granted?? By asking for that it shows that you do not think you can make the specified time. If you have to leave work early then that is what you have to do.
                    because if I can make it 9 from 10 times why I have to loose all that time with little one? There was not too much room for movement...

                    she lived 5 minutes walk from exchange place. She does not have a job and sits on welfare (what I other people who work paid for for) and I have to leave from work earlier right? Is that your reasoning? Good luck you with that in court if you will be there ...

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Being 30 minutes or whatever late is not reason to deny access. The suggestion that being 1 minute late may be deemed to be not wanting to exercise parenting time is absurd.

                      Should you know you are going to be late, you should call or text to advise them. But if you are late, it is not reason in itself to not get your parenting time.

                      I would document this and next time you end up in court you bring it up. In the mean time, I would be calling/texting/emailing the ex to advise her you intend on exercising your parenting time. Apologize for being approximately X late, but state that you don't believe that your tardiness is reason for not being able to exercise the remaining of your parenting time. Should she not provide the child for the remainder of your parenting time, you will advise the judge of such and request makeup time due to her refusal.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                        Being 30 minutes or whatever late is not reason to deny access. The suggestion that being 1 minute late may be deemed to be not wanting to exercise parenting time is absurd.
                        I knew there is reasonable people here

                        Should you know you are going to be late, you should call or text to advise them. But if you are late, it is not reason in itself to not get your parenting time.
                        I did not know this time and there is nowhere to call on that time. Actually still there is no working phone number.


                        I would document this and next time you end up in court you bring it up. In the mean time, I would be calling/texting/emailing the ex to advise her you intend on exercising your parenting time. Apologize for being approximately X late, but state that you don't believe that your tardiness is reason for not being able to exercise the remaining of your parenting time. Should she not provide the child for the remainder of your parenting time, you will advise the judge of such and request makeup time due to her refusal.
                        As I wrote before I did request it and she read it next day morning and she did not even reply to that one after reading. What else can I do? (not being late)

                        now she making up new story. She waited till 1.20 went upstairs change him and left building at 1.40 saying nobody showed up. And I was there at 1.25 100%. I wrote message from downstairs at 1.34 and another one at 2.09 ...

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          I agree that being late isn't reason to deny access. She has no right to deny access. She has to abide by the court order.

                          Going forward, don't be late. I realize this is unavoidable sometimes, but avoid a consistent pattern of being late; take away her reason for denying access.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            My ex is consistently late, and has cancelled on more then one occasion. He doesn't call to say he's going to be late, he just shows up whenever. Drives the kids and I batty. My thinking is if you are going to pick up your kids leave extra early so there's fudge factor room in case something happens so you can avoid being late. If that means you wait in your car outside their door for an hour, so be it. This way you get your child on time and there's no fuel to add to the drama fire. We meet halfway every other weekend and we have not once been late. Mind you the one time we had to cancel in 6 years as my van died (I offered him gas money to come all the way here to get kids, he refused) he threatened me with contempt, I was a bad mother yadayada. I told him he was more then welcome to take me to court as it was his right, but over something so little and that I followed the court order with (should a weekend be missed, make up time is offered immediately, which I did. He took them for my weekend) he would be wasting the courts time which is frowned upon.
                            Some people thrive on drama and misery. Don't feed into it.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by WorkingDAD View Post
                              now she making up new story. She waited till 1.20 went upstairs change him and left building at 1.40 saying nobody showed up. And I was there at 1.25 100%. I wrote message from downstairs at 1.34 and another one at 2.09 ...
                              She can make up whatever reasoning/excuse she wants. When the topic comes up in court, like it should as you want your makeup time, she will say she did the above. You break out your text message log showing you history and times when you messaged her refuting her story. Your evidence will trump her assumptions.

                              I agree that you do your best to be on time. I am late every once and a while by like 5-10 minutes as getting from work to the ex's house isn't always without traffic. But luckily my ex understands that, unless advised otherwise, it is my intention to exercise my parenting time. And I have never said I don't want to, although there have been a few instances where we switched weekends.

                              You could reply to your ex that you never advised her that you were not planning on exercising your parenting time and your history has shown that you consistantly exercise your parenting time. And, unless otherwise instructed by you that you won't be coming, she should believe you are going to arrive and abide by the court order notwithstanding your being late.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                                She can make up whatever reasoning/excuse she wants. When the topic comes up in court, like it should as you want your makeup time, she will say she did the above. You break out your text message log showing you history and times when you messaged her refuting her story. Your evidence will trump her assumptions.
                                I did not request make up time yet as I suppose to have him till today's morning. I requested to have him on my time - it not really make up yet.

                                Now I can request make up time to avoid one more contempt (some may argue I was late so it;s not contempt but I was not late for next day right?). At very best I see it as deliberate actions to avoid access to happened.

                                I will request make up of course but probably will get reply like "read court order - there is no make up time unless other party agree in writing in advance".

                                So... will see

                                Comment

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