Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Newbie help please

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #91
    If you have a video camera, take inventory before she empty's the house. Might be a good idea to have a mutual friend there tomorrow to keep everything cordial?

    Comment


    • #92
      Originally posted by Craigerst View Post
      I feel petty doing that with just "things". Patio furniture who really cares. I already gave her the China I know she liked China and it is just stuff. I do not see how China can earn you money. I certainly will try and remember it for the equalization thing but I want to get to the point where we can actually talk. I just text her to give me her transit number and bank account number thinking I will need it to toss her a SS payment and her reply was let your lawyer get it from my lawyer with edge. Da lawyers r gonna make a killing if we cannot work out some simple issues without lawyers. We are both still new at this and she is at the getting her own place and having to move stuff from our home to her new place so stress is very high. I need to get past tomorrow which will be very ugly I expect and then try and get past the cottage issue I posted about and then and then and then and then and then and hen ...... Stressful time for all
      Thing is, you can't just put down stuff you 'remember', you really do need to document it, even if it seems petty. It's just part of the process, consider it "business". You may never use the information, but at least if you need it you will have it available. Yes, it is stressful, but will be so much more stressful should you need the info and not have it.

      Originally posted by Janibel View Post
      If you have a video camera, take inventory before she empty's the house. Might be a good idea to have a mutual friend there tomorrow to keep everything cordial?
      Agreed on having a mutual friend - or even a family member - present to ensure things remain civil, and even if a witness should one be needed. Yes, it would be nice to think that everything will be civil tomorrow and every other day, counting on it is both naïve and could likely land you in a pile of trouble. Although one hates to hear it and consider that they may need to: protect yourself whenever possible by avoiding being alone with her, and wear a voice recorder at all times if you are.

      Comment


      • #93
        I like the idea of a mutual friend. I will get onto that right now.

        Comment


        • #94
          I will never resort to having to wear a voice recorder. I lived with her for 30 years. She put up with me I put up with her for the majority of our "marriage" years. That will never change. It just seems to be sinking too low to have to go to that extent. Unfortunately at this late a time and such a last moment I cannot find a mutual friend available and I hate to drag a family member into it since they should all correctly remain neutral in the mess. I chose to send her a text saying tommorrow will go better if we both try to get along and we can then quickly get back to hating each other and one of those winky things. I also caved and just paid 2k insurance for my son that I suppose we should of split (of course no real obligation to pay it all ) and told her I took care of it. I got no reply back but hopefully she arrives with a smile instead of a growl. Nothing more I can do. I will try and get a decent sleep tonight (as if) and get up a little early to kind of check out the rooms we have 1/2 assed agreed on she can take. Somehow I agreed to store some stuff for her as well today until the house is sold. She claims her place is small. Oh well. It is just "stuff". It is not like it has earning power.

          I am thinking of a small prayer tonight (which I never do) asking the big guy for peace and tranquility tommorrow. It is relaxing to pour out my useless drivel here. If anyone has any comments please throw them out for me to ponder.

          Comment


          • #95
            Originally posted by Craigerst View Post


            I am thinking of a small prayer tonight (which I never do) asking the big guy for peace and tranquility tommorrow. It is relaxing to pour out my useless drivel here. If anyone has any comments please throw them out for me to ponder.
            Prayer of a Divorced or Separated Person:



            Father, I belong to you. I place myself anew in your hands and acknowledge you as Master and Lord of my life. Grant me the gift of a forgiving heart and cleanse me of any anger, hostility, or revenge. Heal my hurts and teach me to rely on your love. Grant me wisdom of heart and strengthen me by your grace to move on in faith, in trust, and in love. Thank you, Lord, for your love in my life.



            Here's a more comical one:
            Oh Lord, help me accept that marriage is a three-ring circus:
            Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

            Comment


            • #96
              I like both.

              Comment


              • #97
                Originally posted by Craigerst View Post
                I will never resort to having to wear a voice recorder. I lived with her for 30 years. She put up with me I put up with her for the majority of our "marriage" years. That will never change. It just seems to be sinking too low to have to go to that extent. Unfortunately at this late a time and such a last moment I cannot find a mutual friend available and I hate to drag a family member into it since they should all correctly remain neutral in the mess. I chose to send her a text saying tommorrow will go better if we both try to get along and we can then quickly get back to hating each other and one of those winky things. I also caved and just paid 2k insurance for my son that I suppose we should of split (of course no real obligation to pay it all ) and told her I took care of it. I got no reply back but hopefully she arrives with a smile instead of a growl. Nothing more I can do. I will try and get a decent sleep tonight (as if) and get up a little early to kind of check out the rooms we have 1/2 assed agreed on she can take. Somehow I agreed to store some stuff for her as well today until the house is sold. She claims her place is small. Oh well. It is just "stuff". It is not like it has earning power.

                I am thinking of a small prayer tonight (which I never do) asking the big guy for peace and tranquility tommorrow. It is relaxing to pour out my useless drivel here. If anyone has any comments please throw them out for me to ponder.
                It's not about "earning power", what you fail to realize is that you WILL assume at least half the marital debt, whether she ran up the lines of credit or you, AND you will also pay to replace things that you've already paid for but she takes.

                Having now read all of your postings, you are setting yourself up to be bitten in the ass, hard and fast. You need to take a step back, get the emotions out of it and look at the issues from a business-like perspective.

                Not the emotional issues, the financial issues, otherwise you'll be back in a few months begging for help when you've been completely cleaned out, saddled with all the marital debt, CS, SS, lost your family home and likely your cat. And once that's happened, you'll have a hell of a fight to get them back. You can be fair and do what's right without completely shafting yourself as you are so determined to do right now.

                Comment


                • #98
                  I just re-read a post that said treat it like business. It makes sense but it seems so shameful that it comes down to this. I completely understand what you are saying and what you are trying to get me to understand. I just am having difficulty accepting it. You spend 30 years with someone and somehow I can deal far better with the assets that have earning power than I can than the "things". I want to just say screw it you can have all the " things" which is unrealistic I cannot live on a bare floor then in the next moment I am worried she is getting too many things. Definitely want this part done.

                  Comment


                  • #99
                    If its at all possible, try to split the ''things'' equally, you take this, I take that, otherwise you may end up living in an empty house. Many of us in here have had to deal with selfish ex-spouses. It's difficult for reasonable people to think like an un-rational out-for-blood ex, but that's exactly what you need to do.

                    Blinks is right, you have to keep your wits about you, especially now. If you're too nice she'll take advantage - if you're too forceful she may accuse you of abuse (you have no witness' there). Chose your battles well ....

                    Comment


                    • I agree. I just am not good at it. I am going to try and not think about it any more tonight. I honestly beleive she wants to split things equally. That is what she verbalized. Maybe it is me getting all strange. Just not in the correct state of mind to give an accurate answer now. It must be awkward for her since I have been here and admittedly took a favourite blanket and whatnot and put it in the bedroom where my stuff is well then I get accused of going through everything. There is no winning at this stage. I emptied all her clothes out of the drawers of the dresser that is now mine and left them in the hallway so she could move them and apparently I should not of touched her stuff. I am not going to get all petty. It is just not a nice situation for either of us. Now I will say goodnight and put on a silly sitcom and see if one of those prayers you sent for me to say help and hopefully get some solid sleep since I expect I will be wide awake far too early. I appreciate your support.

                      Comment


                      • Last post. Tommorrow I get my damn emotions in check and get back to business.

                        Comment


                        • I honestly beleive she wants to split things equally. That is what she verbalized.
                          Makes sense, in theory. Maybe have some conversation to make sure you're both on the same page as far as what is considered "split equally". That way, you both walk away comfortable with who gets what.

                          Comment


                          • 11:56 pm and sleep will not come. All my mind is doing is whirling around on the cottage issue. I am going to throw some things out here and see if sticks. It all seems so complicated with so many unknowns and decisions to be made that effect my future and as a result my wife's. I keep getting hung up on the cottage issue. Just when I seem okay with the idea of okay I am going to have to keep working in southern Ontario to pay 4k month support (just a guess) when I crunch the numbers there is no way to hang on to that cottage and make a equalization payment. Maybe I am just in panic mode and I am not strong at accounting and it does not help that my mind is spinning now.

                            So then I go the other route and say to myself I sell basically everything divide basically everything in 1/2 and I end up with a cottage I can live in and perhaps 300 to 400k in the bank but living in a area where if I work it will be lucky if I make 35-40 instead of the 100 I am used to. No way I can afford the 4 k month support but I expect I would be perfectly happy. No way wife is happy because I cannot afford the 4k month support. Very murky issue.
                            I simply cannot imagine not having that cottage ( it is more like a home fully winterized etc ) in my future and my state of mind presently says sacrifice the business and all to save it. On the other hand it is like cutting off your nose in spite of your face.
                            In the end cash flow will be key I beleive and negotiations involving my wife with her facing the reality that I might except a total lifestyle change and you cannot get blood from a stone. Having said that I think to myself maybe they can. Maybe they can start grabbing my part of the settlement when I cannot afford to pay high support since I have moved north to a new lifestyle. I am sure this sounds like I am running away from possible high SS but I truly am not. I no longer have a partner and nothing is holding me back in southern Ontario anymore. Why not go north to a more relaxed pace better for my health and either live extremely basic or get a 15-20 hr job. I surely do not want to work and give her like 100 percent of my pay. That makes no sense!
                            This divorce thing is a bitch. Thank god for this forum since letting my thought flow from my fingers greatly releases the pressure as if it is a drug.
                            Perhaps I just am too greedy. I cannot except that I was the wage earner for 30 years and all the assets we accumulated she now gets 1/2 but when I do that it wipes out either my most treasured asset-the cottage or the most valuable as well as the cash producer the company.
                            Somewhere there is a way around this thing. I need to sit down with my accountant but at some stage I have to decide what I want. I then have to figure out if I want to go north does my lack of earning ability there effect SS.
                            Is every divorce this damn complicated or am I just making this divorce complicated. I cannot decide.

                            Comment


                            • "I simply cannot imagine not having that cottage"

                              You would be amazed at what you can imagine.

                              Cottages are just things. Count yourself looking that you don't have young kids that you're fighting for custody.

                              Comment


                              • It even gets more complicated as I think more about it. I flipped back a few pages to something Macdreamy said. 2 things caught my eye. Maybe he can hang on to the condo and quick list the matrimonial home. Kind of like a kick in the testicles since I assume he means bye to the cottage and I basically have a condo and a company to pay SS with. Yes I know I can rebuild my assets but I do not think at this stage in life I want to attempt that. I just do not think that is satisfying me. Call me greedy. I am just thinking aloud. To me it is if that is the end result then I am a big time loser and I need to accept that I am moving north to a new lifestyle. Maybe just maybe this forum is bad for me lol. I do not actually think so. It sure is opening my eyes wide.
                                If anyone is actually reading these posts I congragulate them for suffering through the drivel. I will admit the drivel writing is my form of dealing with the situation. Basically I think my wife and I need a cool down period after we somehow get through tommorrow. Maybe I can actually explain to her my thought of perhaps changing my lifestyle and reach some sort of reasonable agreement. I do know that there is now 2 lawyers that clearly see a pretty good chunk of money that they can feed off of for a while so with that limited amount of money we have a significant percent will go to the layered up phase if we are not careful. Not sure if I even said it but I am retainered now for 6k and I am pretty sure she is retainers for 10. Let the feeding frenzy begin. Ouch. My lawyer clearly knows what amount is available to feed off and as soon as financial disclosure comes hers will too. I expect he has a pretty good idea anyhow. I never hid the fact we were millionaires from (edited to remove name) but soon we cannot say that. I suppose we cannot say that now.
                                Last edited by blinkandimgone; 10-19-2014, 12:23 AM. Reason: edited to remove potentially identifying info

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X