Hello everybody. I am new to the forum, and have spent the last couple of days reading posts. Tons of advice.
Here is my situation. My wife and I have been married for 10 years, we have two kids - D6 and S5.We are both teachers, however, I do not have a position this year due to budget cuts and other issues. While teaching, I also DJ which was great for extra cash, but now i need to rely more on that for day to day living. We live approx 40 minutes from the school where she teaches. My daughter goes to grade 1 with her, as it made it easier for my wife. My son, however, goes to kindergarten at the school where we live. He catches the bus there and back.
My wife left a little over a month ago now, and things have been rapidly going down hill since. When she left, she took the two kids with her and they have been staying at a mutual friends about an hour away. They all share the same room at the friends house. At the time she left, I was combining, as well as DJing. For approximately three weeks, the kids were able to be with me on three occasions, for about 20 minutes for two of them and one overnight stay. Two days after she left she came to the house and wanted to do a parenting agreement. this was one of the times that I had with the kids. I was quite hurt that she left, and tempers were still raging on both parts. Needless to say, it didn't work. She left, and took the kids again. I called several times asking to see them and she would either not answer, or would tell me no, she would not bring the kids out to visit for suppers etc (combining was pretty time consuming) There were a couple of rain days where i still couldn't see the kids.I would call and ask her to bring them home and she would refuse, stating that she did't trust me. There is no abuse in the relationship, and both parents have a very strong bond with the kids. I ended up calling the police, as she would not let me see them, and she was making it difficult to have access. She kept telling me that I could see them when combining is over. During this same time she told me that she was going to enroll our son in her school, to make things easier. I was not ok with that. During the three weeks I combined, he did not attend school.
A week after she left she took the Parenting after Separation course, and then filed a court order requesting that the kids live with her full time, and I could have "generous access" on the weekends where I do not DJ. I usually DJ 3 weekends a month, so I was not ok with that either, as the kids would see me once or twice a month. Now that combining is over, I am trying to get subbing jobs as well as dj'ing to cover expenses, however, I am at home during the day, making child care unnecessary on days where our son doesn't have kindergarten, and before and after school care. The kicker is the distance to school for our daughter; the cost of gas to drive there and back twice a day is about 1500-1600 a month (based on our budget for my wife's gas expenses)
My wife stated in the court order that she does 80% of the parenting, and therefore, it is in the kids best interest to stay with her as their routines would stay the same. Again, I did not agree with that statement, as school had just started for the year, and many of the new routines were barely set, as she left a week after school began. Granted there are things she typically does, as there are things I typically do. I felt we shared parenting, and that is what I requested in the response to her court order.
Fast forward. I attended the Parenting after Separation course yesterday, and was not able to have the kids with me yesterday due to the course. I went to pick up the kids from my wife at a public location today, The meeting was full of anxiety. When she pulled, we switched carseats etc, and then she asked bout making a parenting agreement. I replied that we shouldn't discuss this with the kids around (past experience dictated that this was a bad idea) She didn't like that answer, and asked if she needed to get a lawyer, and I told her that is up to her, but I have not sought out a lawyer. She asked three more times about the parenting agreement, and I told her I would cll her later tonight to set up a time, and I didn't want to do this in front of the kids. She asked if she was staying there with me to take our daughter back with her. I said no, and I would like to keep them for the week. To that she replied no, you are not allowed to keep her for the week, and I cant spring that on her like that without asking her first (ironic because she took the kids for a month) I told her that she does not have that say right now. I went to leave, and she stood in the way of my door so I could't close it, and continued to tell me I wasn't allowed to keep them for a week. She was getting quite emotional at this time, and I replied that she needed to move, and I will contact her to set up a time this week to make a parenting agreement (which I still think is moot because she filed a court order) She refused to move and kept telling me I wasn't allowed to take the kids for a week.
This was about 7-8 minutes of her stopping me from leaving. I said I wasn't arguing in front of the kids, and we sat in her vehicle where I listened to her yell at me more.
She told me that she wasn't paying the mortgage anymore, as I am the one living in the house, and she needed the money to rent a new place for $1800 a month (our mortgage is $1200) Aargh.
I am so frustrated with this. I think she is being completely unreasonable, and she thinks that because she left with the kids she can make the decision of when they see me, and what is generous access. I know I have played my part in the marriage breakdown, but this is just....effed up
Here is my situation. My wife and I have been married for 10 years, we have two kids - D6 and S5.We are both teachers, however, I do not have a position this year due to budget cuts and other issues. While teaching, I also DJ which was great for extra cash, but now i need to rely more on that for day to day living. We live approx 40 minutes from the school where she teaches. My daughter goes to grade 1 with her, as it made it easier for my wife. My son, however, goes to kindergarten at the school where we live. He catches the bus there and back.
My wife left a little over a month ago now, and things have been rapidly going down hill since. When she left, she took the two kids with her and they have been staying at a mutual friends about an hour away. They all share the same room at the friends house. At the time she left, I was combining, as well as DJing. For approximately three weeks, the kids were able to be with me on three occasions, for about 20 minutes for two of them and one overnight stay. Two days after she left she came to the house and wanted to do a parenting agreement. this was one of the times that I had with the kids. I was quite hurt that she left, and tempers were still raging on both parts. Needless to say, it didn't work. She left, and took the kids again. I called several times asking to see them and she would either not answer, or would tell me no, she would not bring the kids out to visit for suppers etc (combining was pretty time consuming) There were a couple of rain days where i still couldn't see the kids.I would call and ask her to bring them home and she would refuse, stating that she did't trust me. There is no abuse in the relationship, and both parents have a very strong bond with the kids. I ended up calling the police, as she would not let me see them, and she was making it difficult to have access. She kept telling me that I could see them when combining is over. During this same time she told me that she was going to enroll our son in her school, to make things easier. I was not ok with that. During the three weeks I combined, he did not attend school.
A week after she left she took the Parenting after Separation course, and then filed a court order requesting that the kids live with her full time, and I could have "generous access" on the weekends where I do not DJ. I usually DJ 3 weekends a month, so I was not ok with that either, as the kids would see me once or twice a month. Now that combining is over, I am trying to get subbing jobs as well as dj'ing to cover expenses, however, I am at home during the day, making child care unnecessary on days where our son doesn't have kindergarten, and before and after school care. The kicker is the distance to school for our daughter; the cost of gas to drive there and back twice a day is about 1500-1600 a month (based on our budget for my wife's gas expenses)
My wife stated in the court order that she does 80% of the parenting, and therefore, it is in the kids best interest to stay with her as their routines would stay the same. Again, I did not agree with that statement, as school had just started for the year, and many of the new routines were barely set, as she left a week after school began. Granted there are things she typically does, as there are things I typically do. I felt we shared parenting, and that is what I requested in the response to her court order.
Fast forward. I attended the Parenting after Separation course yesterday, and was not able to have the kids with me yesterday due to the course. I went to pick up the kids from my wife at a public location today, The meeting was full of anxiety. When she pulled, we switched carseats etc, and then she asked bout making a parenting agreement. I replied that we shouldn't discuss this with the kids around (past experience dictated that this was a bad idea) She didn't like that answer, and asked if she needed to get a lawyer, and I told her that is up to her, but I have not sought out a lawyer. She asked three more times about the parenting agreement, and I told her I would cll her later tonight to set up a time, and I didn't want to do this in front of the kids. She asked if she was staying there with me to take our daughter back with her. I said no, and I would like to keep them for the week. To that she replied no, you are not allowed to keep her for the week, and I cant spring that on her like that without asking her first (ironic because she took the kids for a month) I told her that she does not have that say right now. I went to leave, and she stood in the way of my door so I could't close it, and continued to tell me I wasn't allowed to keep them for a week. She was getting quite emotional at this time, and I replied that she needed to move, and I will contact her to set up a time this week to make a parenting agreement (which I still think is moot because she filed a court order) She refused to move and kept telling me I wasn't allowed to take the kids for a week.
This was about 7-8 minutes of her stopping me from leaving. I said I wasn't arguing in front of the kids, and we sat in her vehicle where I listened to her yell at me more.
She told me that she wasn't paying the mortgage anymore, as I am the one living in the house, and she needed the money to rent a new place for $1800 a month (our mortgage is $1200) Aargh.
I am so frustrated with this. I think she is being completely unreasonable, and she thinks that because she left with the kids she can make the decision of when they see me, and what is generous access. I know I have played my part in the marriage breakdown, but this is just....effed up
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