Our daughter (14) is having "loyalty" issues that I do not know how to address;
She recently told me that her and her mother had a "fight" because she told her mother that I had agreed to get her a dress, shoes and to take her to get her hair done for an end of school year event. Now our daughter had asked her mother about getting these things for her earlier in the week and was told that she could not afford to and that it was frivolous to buy a dress for only one occasion. Her mother decided that it was best for our daughter to wear dress pants and a nice top. Now we parallel parent so not everything is communicated between us.
So when our daughter comes over to my house she tells me that she really wants to wear a dress, etc. I agree to get the items for her.
Her mother was very upset by this and told our daughter that it was not fair to her that she was doing everything at dad’s house. This made our daughter "angry" because she felt that her mother had already said no. Well drama ensued (the fight) and her mother took her out the next day and bought her shoes. I took her to get a dress.
How do other parents help their children learn to navigate between the two households while trying to be fair and not feel disloyal to mom? or is this an adult (mother) with a problem and I simply do nothing; or do I consider the child's wishes and continue to take up the slack when I am asked to by our children?
This is the first time I have taken up the slack because I knew it would not be appreciated by her mother but I wanted our daughter to have a memorable experience.
She recently told me that her and her mother had a "fight" because she told her mother that I had agreed to get her a dress, shoes and to take her to get her hair done for an end of school year event. Now our daughter had asked her mother about getting these things for her earlier in the week and was told that she could not afford to and that it was frivolous to buy a dress for only one occasion. Her mother decided that it was best for our daughter to wear dress pants and a nice top. Now we parallel parent so not everything is communicated between us.
So when our daughter comes over to my house she tells me that she really wants to wear a dress, etc. I agree to get the items for her.
Her mother was very upset by this and told our daughter that it was not fair to her that she was doing everything at dad’s house. This made our daughter "angry" because she felt that her mother had already said no. Well drama ensued (the fight) and her mother took her out the next day and bought her shoes. I took her to get a dress.
How do other parents help their children learn to navigate between the two households while trying to be fair and not feel disloyal to mom? or is this an adult (mother) with a problem and I simply do nothing; or do I consider the child's wishes and continue to take up the slack when I am asked to by our children?
This is the first time I have taken up the slack because I knew it would not be appreciated by her mother but I wanted our daughter to have a memorable experience.
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