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  • #16
    #1,
    It is evident that your husband tries to be the nice guy. I know one of those!
    Your hubby is not the ONLY person I've suggested to put their foot down!!!
    Congrats to him.
    Now that he does not entertain the Mother's wishes etc...she could very well have a letter fired off but it doesn't matter. A lawyer can make a suggestion/threat but it isn't an order. If at some point this came up in a motion I'm sure you'd win.

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by Suchislife View Post
      #1,
      It is evident that your husband tries to be the nice guy. I know one of those! Your hubby is not the ONLY person I've suggested to put their foot down!!! Congrats to him. Now that he does not entertain the Mother's wishes etc...she could very well have a letter fired off but it doesn't matter. A lawyer can make a suggestion/threat but it isn't an order. If at some point this came up in a motion I'm sure you'd win.
      Thanks Suchislife. We haven't received a letter from her lawyer yet, but several emails from her demanding to know how us not taking the child to the activities she enrolled him in is beneficial.
      My husband simply wrote back:
      1. It prevents the child from spending excessive amounts of time in transit during rush hour traffic;
      2. It allows the child to return home to bed at a reasonable hour, therefore not disrupting his routine and bedtime;
      3. It allows the child to spend valuable time with his dad and family, instead of with strangers and children he will never see again.

      Hopefully this will be the end of it... but I doubt it. :-(

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      • #18
        Would it be wrong for my husband to just say "F--- OFF!?"

        Seriously, how would you respond to this:

        I did not confirm that you could take him to his activity on the fist day of your vacation periods. (We had offered to pick the child up later and take him to his activity, instead of picking him up earlier and having him miss the activity on those two pick-up days.)

        Please provide details as to why you are choosing to not bring him to his activities, programs which have already been paid for? Why are you playing ridiculous tit-for-tat games, purposely ruining our son's dreams? Please explain exactly, with details of your work and summer schedule, why you are against our son's participation in his activities.

        Seriously????

        - Because it's too far;
        - Because I never agreed to these activities...

        ...is that not enough?!

        Comment


        • #19
          "F off" would be good but just end the communication about it would be better.

          What exactly are a 6 year old's dreams??!!

          You do not need to give any explanations, details of your personal work and/or summer schedule! Come on!!

          Just stop responding.

          Is it too late to get her $$ back for these activities?? Or a credit towards some other program some other time?? Jeezzz.
          Oh, sorry. If your step-son misses these activities his DREAMS are over!!!

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          • #20
            Well, my husband wrote: "My time with my son is my time with my son. I will decide what activities he participates in. Please respect my parenting and decisions during my custody time and refrain from making any further demands." But I somehow doubt this will put an end to this. Any further communication in this regard will be responded to with "I have stated my position on this issue and will not address the matter further." And after that... silence! I think it's the only thing we can do at this point. Reasoning and offering compromises has obviously not worked. So too bad, so sad... move on!

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            • #21
              Non-Interference With Parenting Time Clause.
              Both parties agree never to schedule or promote to the children any special events or activities that fall on the other party’s parenting time without first obtaining permission from that party in the following manner:

              A. The requesting party will notify the other party of the event or activity and discuss with them the benefits of the children’s attendance prior to discussing it with the children. If the other party already has something scheduled or decides that the children cannot participate in the event or activity for any reason, the requesting parent will abide by that decision and not attempt to influence the other parent through the children.

              B. The children are free to express their interest in any activity to either parent at any time.

              C. Both parties also agree not to interfere with each other’s parenting time in any form. If either parent denies physical access to scheduled visitation without just cause, that parent will pay all costs associated with mediation, arbitration, or court related legal fees, associated with resolving the violation and to ensure freedom from future violations.

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              • #22
                Thanks for posting that, First Timer. Just out of curiousity... is that something that is in your particular order, or "is it written" in some sort of family law rules and guidelines?

                Just to add clarification to our particular situation... my stepson's mom is demanding to know our schedule/plans for the child's vacation time with us so that she can be aware of whether or not we will be transporting the child to her neighbourhood twice each week in order for him to attend the activities that she unilaterally decided to sign him up for. She wants to know the exact reasons as to why we wouldn't take him. It's quite frustrating dealing with her, as she feels she is entitled to every detail of our life because she's the "custodial parent" and feels she has the right to know what the child is doing at all times. And if "our" chosen activities aren't suitable to her, and she feels that her activities are more beneficial to the child, is expects us to cancel our activities and transport the child to the activities she has chosen him to be enrolled in. It's quite irritating.

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                • #23
                  Your partner does NOT have an obligation to inform the custodial parent what he is doing, who he is with, where he goes, etc.

                  No obligation whatsoever. The other parent would have to prove in court that your partner is exposing the child to extreme danger by way of a motion in order to have a clause like this.

                  The woman is a control freak and seems like she cannot move on in life. Let me guess, is she single still?

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by independentgal View Post
                    The woman is a control freak and seems like she cannot move on in life. Let me guess, is she single still?
                    How did you know?! ;-)

                    Her most recent response to my husband telling her that how we plan our time is none of her business, especially since we were never in agreement with her unilateral decision to enroll the child in the activities she enrolled him in...

                    Why are you being so hostile? As XXX's mother, I am entitled to have a clear understanding of your choice of programs for XXX. I do not care about your personal life unless it affects XXX, and since your scheduling of your time with him prevents him from attending his extracurricular acitivities, I have every right to know what you are scheduling and why to determine if it is in XXX's best interest to miss his already paid-for activities. As co-parents we are supposed to be trying to come to an agreement about XXX's activities. This cannot be done unless we choose to communicate effectively. Please provide full details about why you are choosing other activities over the activities XXX is already enrolled in.

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                    • #25
                      It is written in my parenting plan.

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                      • #26
                        Thanks First Timer! That is a great clause!

                        Meanwhile, my husband is at his wit's end. My stepson's mom continues to insist that we bring the child to his activities, located over 100km from our home, one-way, on two evenings per week during his summer holidays with us. He has told her in every way possible that this is not a reasonable expectation and that he will not allow her insistance, or the child's activities that he never agreed to, to interfere with his access and vacation time. Now she's calling him a horrible father for punishing the child by refusing to bring him to his activities. WTF?! How low can she go?!

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                        • #27
                          Sorry to hear what is happening #1 Stepmom, just remember everything she is saying is her opinion and not fact, hold onto the fact that you are good parents and ignore all the rhetoric from his ex.

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                          • #28
                            Thanks First Timer.

                            Well folks, I'm happy to announce that the battle is finally over!

                            After several more blunt emails from my husband, stating over and over, the latter more bluntly than the former, that she had no right to interfere with his access and vacation time and that he will not be taking the child to these activities she enrolled him in... we finally got an email back from her stating: "If you do not want to take [name] to his activities in [town], that is your choice."

                            Really? It is our choice now? Really, really?! Woohooo!!! :-)

                            Hopefully this will stay true and the issue won't re-emerge on the battlefield come summertime! *Fingers Crossed*

                            Thank you all for your input and support! It has made fighting this battle significantly more bearable! ;-)

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                            • #29
                              yay i hope!!

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                              • #30
                                Originally posted by #1StepMom
                                After several more blunt emails from my husband, stating over and over, the latter more bluntly than the former, that she had no right to interfere with his access and vacation time and that he will not be taking the child to these activities she enrolled him in... we finally got an email back from her stating: "If you do not want to take [name] to his activities in [town], that is your choice."
                                Not to burst a bubble, because it's a great bubble.. but why do I have an impending feeling that there was an untyped "....." at the end of her sentence

                                Comment

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