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  • My questions re support, equalization & court

    My ex has done 1 offer to me.

    He's not even offering on the table on SSAG for CS or SS, he wants more than 50% equalization, refuses to offer his employer's benefits to me and is only offering 2 yrs of SS despite our long term marriage of 20 years and me raising our kids as a SAHM. I can't find a job and now I'm at school, in my 50s.

    I helped put him through school so he now earns a good income in a very employable field. I contributed substantially through my own personal money by putting over $200,000 in to paying off our mortgage, our 2 substantial car loans etc. so I could stay home and raise the children.

    He's been underpaying me support for months now. Plus he now owes me $5000+ for his debts from the joint account run up after our split and refuses to pay me back. He's offering to pay back less than half of that even though they are blatantly his debts (car payments and his credit card, etc.)

    If I am patient and we have the case conference (3+ months away), will any good come to me for being patient? What might happen there?

    Also, what can't happen there?

    Interestingly, the ex has taken me to court which I can only assume was a gimmick to take his low ball offer since I was personally served with the papers on the same day as his low ball offer. I know he doesn't want to be in court as 1) he says that he can't afford it and 2) he's terrified of FRO. Your thoughts on that are welcome too.

    What do you think of this whole situation?

    I have done 1 good offer months ago. His response was to try his best to get our teenage kids to stay more than 50% with him.

    Would going to mediation help at all here? He doesn't seem to be bargaining in good faith and I have avoided it because he's an abusive bully.

    He's not self-represented even though he acts like he is...he writes up the things from his lawyer including the Application and Offer. What's up with a lawyer who admittedly lets his client do that?

    None of the offer correspondence was Without Prejudice.

    I have a lawyer but I'm glad to get any of your own comments and insights, thanks

  • #2
    CS and SS: my income is imputed to $23K

    and he still is offering less than that

    Comment


    • #3
      Ignore the sarcastic responses from some people on here who are dead-against anyone receiving SS. They are short-sighted. Laws are in place for SS.

      Sometimes mediation is a total waste of time and money. In my opinion I would not communicate with him at all unless it had something to do directly with welfare of children. You have a lawyer that you can instruct to only respond to genuine offers. I deal with a high conflict ex who takes me to court frequently to reduce SS. He loses every time. Don't get sucked into the drama. Stay the course and fight for what you are fairly entitled to.

      If he won't pay what is supposed to register with FRO. You need a court order to do this. You might find you enjoy receiving money through FRO as it is one less reason to communicate with him. He can try all the bullying he wants but FRO will not budge.

      My feeling when someone threatens to take me to court = excellent.... bring it on! Saves me the paperwork.

      Comment


      • #4
        Thank you Arabian

        it's nice to hear from you on this, I appreciate your input

        Comment


        • #5
          Thank you. You could instruct your lawyer to get an Interim Order for Child and Spousal Support enforceable by FRO. This is easily and quickly done. The amount can be quite a bit higher than what you will eventually receive as indefinite spousal support which I believe you are entitled to (50 yrs of age + 20 yrs marriage = 70+) Read up on the rule of 65 regarding Spousal Support.

          In calculating your Interim spousal support your lawyer should instruct you to prepare a budget. This will include all your expenses (including but not limited to: hair dresser, medical, utilities, vehicle gas & maintenance, rent, house repair & maintenance, charitable donations made on a ongoing basis, etc.). Your lawyer then presents this information (possibly with supporting documentation) to to the court to receive the interim spousal support.

          After your stbx has to pay this amount for a few months I'm sure he'll be willing to start settlement talks that are hopefully realistic. By the way, ensure your lawyer always mentions "costs" on each and every application that goes to court. You may not get them but it doesn't hurt to try as you will soon find out that lawyer bills will be your largest expense as you seem to be dealing with a very uncooperative individual.

          Keep us posted on your progress!

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by lancelot View Post
            If I am patient and we have the case conference (3+ months away), will any good come to me for being patient?


            I have a lawyer but I'm glad to get any of your own comments and insights, thanks
            Yes, being patient and having a good lawyer will be to your advantage. Three months isn't really very long, especially with the holiday season coming up. Time will fly. In the mean-time, you can do research, continue to ask questions on the forum, and enjoy the season. Sounds like your to be ex is a winner. Mine also served me with court papers (last month) for frivolous issues and he also low-balled me. My lawyer welcomed it as a sign that things are finally starting to move.

            Comment


            • #7
              ...And Welcome to the Forum!

              Comment


              • #8
                Thank you Caranna

                I really appreciate the welcome and your thoughts

                Comment


                • #9
                  Slughead - We've had this argument before and it's stale. You have your views and others have theirs. I'm sure the OP would be "self sufficient" had she not contributed, like many of us, hundreds of thousands of dollars to the marriage. You had better hope that a daughter of yours doesn't end up in the same situation some day. Perhaps encourage her to stay single?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Remove slughead10

                    I happened to see slughead10's comments after lancelot's first posting. It was hateful, pure and simple. I now notice that his first reply on this thread has been removed.

                    I notice that he is getting even worse lately with his very mean and uncalled for replies to members, especially women who are enquiring about SS. He has exceeded the limits of decency and has been given a long leash for way too long, to spew his twisted beliefs.

                    My view is that slughead10 should be removed from ottawadivorce.com

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      We all have our particular hot buttons.

                      Slughead is not a fan of able-bodied people seeking SS.
                      Arabian is not a fan of women writing on behalf of their husbands, or anybody who wants to pay a bit less than the table amounts suggest.
                      Tayken is not a fan of people who think that the courts are not 100% fair and awesome.
                      Janus is not a fan of anyone.

                      I mean, Janus loves everyone! Skittles all around!

                      My point? I pretty much never agree with anything Arabian says, but I wouldn't want her banned from the forum. I like to know how the entitled think. Ditto for slughead. He provides the angry payor viewpoint. I like Tayken's constant belief that the courts will do the right thing, even though I don't believe it for a second.

                      I'm probably more worthy of banning, I never add anything useful to the forum, I just like to type

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Janus View Post
                        We all have our particular hot buttons.


                        Ok, slughead10 can stay. Lol. I have to curb my tendency to protect people I don't even know. I just feel badly about slughead jumping on lancelot after her first post.

                        Slughead and I had engaged in some words when I was a new member, and I decided the next day or so I wanted to be friends with him and told him so. I like every body here too.

                        I just wish slughead would be nice to the new members. If he wants to type nasty remarks, at least preface them by something like "I don't mean this personally, but..." Or "I think you are a nice lady and all, but I am an embittered payor and want to state my thoughts"..something like that.

                        Or maybe even better: I really respect women, but I have a need to express myself on this matter"...something like that.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Slughead, was my ex self sufficient when I put him through 4 years of college or 3 years of university during our marriage...which now allows him to be a very well-paid, steadily employed professional instead of an unemployed assembly line worker?

                          Was he self-sufficient when I paid off $40,000 of our car loans, over $100,000 of our mortgage and a $20,000 loan of his out of my inheritance?

                          Was he self-sufficient when he bought a $25,000 mid-life crisis fancy truck on our Line of Credit in the last year of our marriage so he could drive in style to screw his long distance girlfriend...instead of driving in the family van...the LOC done intentionally by him so he wouldn't have car payments after we split and so that I had to be responsible for paying for half of that truck?

                          Suddenly...me being self-sufficient suddenly kicks in when I throw his cheating @#$ to the curb? He wanted to continue his long-time affair and keep living in the mat home so he doesn't have to live "without"...is that self-sufficiency?

                          No, that's a blatant loser who has gone out of his way to use up everything that my family of origin and I had to offer...my youth, me raising the kids while he didn't even bother to come on our family vacations, my credit, our equity, my family's money, even my health.

                          Spousal support is a way of evening things out for the spouse / team member who gave everything to the family, then finds employment elusive after such a long gap...when the other party leaves "the team".

                          Don't kick off Slughead on my account and I'm really used to losers like that. Although I'm sure he's *very* upsetting to other new posters.

                          I'm sure my ex will be equally as upset at being held accountable for his life choices...full of blame and vitriol for everything that I "did to him", instead of realizing and accepting that the life choices he made for himself had consequences too.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            One of the main purposes of this forum is for people to come and ask questions about spousal support among other things.

                            Slughead, if you want to rant about people getting jobs, start your own thread in general discussion. The OP asked a question about her situation, she doesn't deserve that kind of response.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by lancelot View Post
                              My ex has done 1 offer to me.
                              How many offers have you made?

                              Comment

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