Telling him to have phone contact with parents

[HammerDad]

Completely stay away from picking the kids up at the parents. The parents have a history of false accusations with the police. Today, a person merely has to report someone threatened to kill me and voila you are now in the criminal system. DO NOT go to the parents house. He can easily defend that decision!

I also see an increased risk with him picking the kids up at her house! Same thing could happen there.

I don't agree, mainly because, if he truely believes that there is the possibility of a false accusation, he should:

1. always wear a digital voice recorder or have a witness with a video camera recording it; and/or.

2. call the police himself and request their assistance with the exchange. Be sure to advise them that he is recording the exchange for fear of false accusations.

But the recording would be gold if they were to make a false accusation as it would show the levels they are willing to stoop too to remove him from his children's lives.

If I were him, I would have the voice recorder AND I would act in a very business like manner. Knock calmly on the parents door, and then walk back to the car. The he can give the kids a hug when they get to him and it puts distance between him and the inlaws. There is ZERO need for him to enter their house etc.

If they refuse to answer the door, he should calmly knock again. And go back to his car. He then waits 20-30 minutes and if the kids do not come, he buys something from a local store and gets the receipt proving he was in the area. He then documents the instance in his journal. He also emails the ex and advises that the children were not exchanged and he would like makeup time as soon as reasonably possible to compensate for this denial of access.

But he has to go. If he doesn't, she will say "Well, he knew the kids were at my parents waiting and he didn't go there." A judge will ask if this is correct and if he confirms it, the judge will tell him next to go there to get them. The friend will then have to argue he fears a false accusation and why he would like another neutral location....which may get him a neutral location, but he most likely would not get makeup time.

[ddol1]

HammerDad - you offer a great solution for a difficult scenario but I personally would be warry of continued one on one private contact based on what info has been provided. Personally, I was persuaded (by watching things come true before my eyes, things which I would never had believed, things that were spelled out beforehand by a few aware individualls on this forum) so I listened and I obtained a digital voice recorder which I carry on my person at all times now.

This recorder will not be of use for anything but to present to the "arresting police officer" as they respond to what would be a false allegation of (fill in the blank here - it doesn't matter). I live under the same roof as my stbx and I hope it will never come to bear, but then many things have come to bear that I again never dreamed was possible from someone I have been married to for over half my life. Should the day pass, I hope a digital recording played to a police officer at my front door will allow the case to be closed without my arrest, handcuffed and transported to the police station then to face thousands in legal fees - thousands I do not have. I have been told by several who sadly face this dispicable unconsciousable (a conclusion that is understandably based on only one side of their story) that it can actually reach 10's of thousands and severly restrict contact with their children while fighting a false allegation in the courts. I stay as far as I can away from her, I keep the recorder on the ready every minute she is in the house.

Femme tell your friend to be very, very careful. Advice for your friend? - See the exchange happen in a neutral location with a witness if required, as suggested here, at school, at day care sound like two excellent solutions. What solutions are available to your friend and his ex?

Femme
You did mention the issue re NOA's vs tax summaries (really not sure what a tax summary would really be as the documents you are assessed on is your income tax return and all the applicable schedules/ supporting documentation). Either way Desperate_Dad, who is in the accounting profession (he has many posts on this subject to explain his position). Desperate_Dad has a very strong opinion on what is required to fully disclose financials and there is only one option - and that is a copy of the actual tax returns sent in along with the NOA for verification in cases where income must be verified for both child and spousal support. He explains that there are many different sources of income and deductions not indicated on the NOA both which could impact the fair level of support that should be paid. In addition there is also items like the CTB, GST credit and a few others that must be know as well. The only way to verfy this is to know the actual income and deduction types and properly input this data in the "divorcemate" program.

To Femme's friend should he look at this. Type fast? I get about 17 words a minute using four thumbs and my dual hand surgery last Friday has not helped things much. Oh, I usually can remember where the Z key is now though! I do not mind computers but I do not type - up to now my wife has - opps - my stbx will never again use her 100 words a minute top keying skills for my benefit. This forum, help with/for our children, to me at least, far outwieghs pain and my awfull typing/spelling........... ;-)!!!


Can you not think of a better excuse to get on here and begin practicing?

[Femme]

Where do you guys get these recorders that you talk about? and do they really pick up sound that well, when hidden under clothing, etc.?

I believe he has reason to fear her parents because of what they did in the past---He said he went through court for 3 months over that and the charges did end up being dropped against him---so he has proof in the courts of that.

To try and sum up the whole marriage break down/what all happened back then---she cheated on him. He clearly didn't accept that. Her and her family tried to talk him in to staying with her, after all her father and uncle cheated on their wives and they stayed together.

He remained living separated in the marital house for 3 months. He couldn't afford the $1300 mortgage a month, plus rent at another place for him to reside at that time.

Her dad told him that if he wanted out of the marriage and wanted out of the $1300.00 mortgage a month, he would have to sign the house over to him and sign the separation agreement, giving his daughter custody of the chlidren.

He was very distraught at this time obviously, he didn't have family or friends who could help him financially to get a lawyer. He did make a mistake by signing it.

Even at that point though, he thought things would be okay, he thought he was mutually leaving.

The day it was time for him to move out, as soon as he went to start packing stuff---that's when an argument started, the ex got on the phone to her mom, the next thing he knows, the police are at the house, escorting him out, because the mother claimed she heard him over the phone threaten her daughters life.

They made it so that he couldn't get much of anything out of the house--basically just some of his clothes.

The crazy thing is, as he was on his way out--the ex says "Are you taking the kids for the weekend?"

His response "You just said I was a threat to your life--yet you want me back here on the weekend to get the kids?"

After that one of the police officers made the comment "Yah, that's strange!"

At that point every access pick up/drop off, they both needed a witness. After a while of doing that, she says to him "Why do we need witnesses, this is dumb"

He tells her "Because you said I threatened your life"

Her "Well if I knew this was going to happen, I wouldn't have said that" (Wish he had a tape recorder for that one!)

So then through court, needing a witness got dropped, charges against him "threatening her life" got dropped.

Retarded!!!

[Femme]

Oh and the father was able to get his house at a $800 a month mortgage. The daughter supposedly pays her father $800 rent a month/paying the mortgage. (She actually told this to my friend--when things were going civil with them--basically when she has a boyfriend, everything is fine, as soon as she doesn't have a boyfriend, she turns back in to mega b!tch to him)

Funny thing is on her income tax summary--she doesn't claim rent.

Her and her father are clearly doing something wrong here!