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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 05-22-2009, 06:51 PM
boyo boyo is offline
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Default Kids in other city w/ ex - very frustrated

Hi.
I shoulda asked this a while ago. I just don't want to come off as demanding, upset ex & kids, had to get house ready for sale, etc...

It's been almost two months. My ex is in another city two hours away w/ the kids (1 & 3). I'm expected to call every night to speak w/ kids, ex won't call; I'm to go every two weeks for a handful of hours at ex's parents' house then drive back two hours; and we don't have anything in writing. We have a case conference in June.

According to my lawyer, ex was not allowed to take kids as 'our' home is here, kids were born here, jobs are here, ex has lived here for over 7 years.

My question is: Can I physically remove the kids and bring them back to the city I'm in? I'm very frustrated and sick of being held hostage.

Please help.
thanks
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Old 05-22-2009, 07:08 PM
doingmybest doingmybest is offline
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How did your ex get them 2 hours away in the first place?

And who decided you are to go every two weeks for a few hours to spend time with them?

This will not look good on you if you want custody or more time.......
And the longer they stay with the ex and ex's parents the better set up the case for best interest of the children.
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Old 05-22-2009, 07:17 PM
boyo boyo is offline
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we went down south for a week and left the kids w/ her parents. She was on mat leave and wanted to stay w/ her parents. Fine. I went and visted every couple of wkends. She then decided, after an arguement, that she was gonna stay w/ the kids.

she stated that she only wants me to go every two weeks, even tho I wanted to go weekly. like I said, we do not have an agreement. But I've been getting the house ready for sale, etc.

I want joint/shared custody.
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Old 05-22-2009, 07:46 PM
boyo boyo is offline
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Doesn't anybody have any advice? I'm very frustrated with this whole situation. I haven't done anything to rock the boat, as I don't want give my ex any ammo to use against me.

I just want what is fair, first of all for the kids, then for myself. The situation I'm in now, is not fair to the kids as they rarely see me and not fair to me as I don't see the kids, am stuck taking care of things here, have to travel to see the kids, etc, etc.

Can't anyone give me a straight answer.
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Old 05-22-2009, 11:56 PM
singledad99 singledad99 is offline
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Well family law is not fair to the non-residential parents. Your ex has the de facto custody now so I don't think you can bring the children back to your place without her consent. Seems like she's been keeping you at minimum access to strengthen the status that she is building at her parents place. Where is the case conference being held - in the region where your ex resides now or where the children used to be prior to separation? I am going with the assumption that your ex has filed the application where she resides now. Have you filed your answer? If you have then it means you have acknowledged in a way that the kids belong to where you ex is now. If you have not filed your answer yet, discuss with your lawyer if you can file an application for custody in your region and get an order to have the kids returned to where they were living before the separation.

In the mean time, continue requesting more time, preferably overnight stays at your place and do so in writing. Try to avoid using phrases such as "not fair to me" because family law is not really about you, it is about children. I don't think it is fair to children that they are not allowed to remain in their usual habitat just because parents split up. Its also not fair to them that they are not given sufficient opportunity to bond with their other parent. You are already doing a good job by continuing to see your kids even though it is very difficult for you to do so and by remaining calm so keep it up.
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Old 05-23-2009, 02:02 PM
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dadtotheend dadtotheend is offline
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Sad to say, but allowing this to happen has weakened your position. You should have brought an emergency motion to return them to their home with you as soon as Mom left. But Mom has them now, they are very young, so you faced an uphill battle even moments after she left. With every passing day the hill gets steeper as the new status quo entrenches.
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Old 05-24-2009, 08:23 PM
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thank you for your reply.
I kinda figured that she would have defacto custody. I was the first to file and she got served. In my motion, I stated that I want the kids and her, as where the kids go, so will she, back to where they were born & resided until we split.

I went to montreal saturday and spent the day w/ kids. They're extremely happy to see me, even my one year old's eyes light up when she sees my face. My ex stated that she was extremely shocked by my 'demands' to bring the kids & her back here. She said she has responded & I should be getting that response most likely this upcoming week. I honestly can't wait to see what her response is.

I just spent sunday at home w/ ex & her dad packing up their things. She was saying things like, "well, you can hang on to some of kids' toys & bedding for whenever this all gets settled and they sleep over at your place". So I don't know. I was quite surprised by that, considering she only wants me to go to see the kids in montreal.

So, I guess I'll see how things play out this upcoming week.
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