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I am so tired. :(
I am currently pursuing sole custody of my two children 10 and 12.
It's not what I wanted. Not for me. Not for them. I had really hoped that we could keep their best interests in the forefront and parent together. And for the first 4 or 5 months after our split, it seemed that it would be that way.
And then came the other woman....now I'm not "blaming" her per se because obviously he makes his own choices, but since he met, dated and ultimately married (within 6 months) this new woman, every idea he ever had about parenting has changed. And every inclination to try to coparent has disappeared.
He won't talk to me - EVER - only through email. He tells the kids that they should not talk about me or my family in his home because it is "disrespectful" to his new family. He will not attend child functions, such as parent-teacher interviews with me. The younger of our 2 is having some medical problems and he won't come to the appointments. If he decides he needs to talk to a teacher or doctor or whatever, he makes his own appointment. How on earth are we supposed to parent like that?
Perfect example - the other day he invited the kids to dinner during MY time without asking me first. Of course I let them go, because they wanted to but I sent him a polite request for him to please ask me first. His response? "I don't need your permission to invite the kids, they need your permission to come." Is it just me or is that just totally backwards??? Yes, ultimately it's my time and my choice if I let them go, but it puts me in an awkward position if he asks them first and then I say "no, you can't see your dad because you have too much homework" or whatever other valid reason there may be. I don't know how to describe WHY or HOW I feel that this approach is harmful to the kids and impairs our ability to coparent. (This is a very small example, last fall he "invited" them to go live with his then-girlfriend-now-wife)
He won't talk to me so I don't know how to communicate that I am only asking for sole custody because he is making it impossible to coparent. I think it would be better for the kids if he would just participate cooperatively.
I am just so sad that it has come to this and today it's overwhelming.
I find myself wishing away the next 6 years - so that my babies will be making their own choices - but how horribly sad is that. They only grow up once.
To keep it in perspective - I left and also have a new partner and my ex likes to tell the children that it's "my fault" that he had to get married again and things had to change, since I left.
It's not what I wanted. Not for me. Not for them. I had really hoped that we could keep their best interests in the forefront and parent together. And for the first 4 or 5 months after our split, it seemed that it would be that way.
And then came the other woman....now I'm not "blaming" her per se because obviously he makes his own choices, but since he met, dated and ultimately married (within 6 months) this new woman, every idea he ever had about parenting has changed. And every inclination to try to coparent has disappeared.
He won't talk to me - EVER - only through email. He tells the kids that they should not talk about me or my family in his home because it is "disrespectful" to his new family. He will not attend child functions, such as parent-teacher interviews with me. The younger of our 2 is having some medical problems and he won't come to the appointments. If he decides he needs to talk to a teacher or doctor or whatever, he makes his own appointment. How on earth are we supposed to parent like that?
Perfect example - the other day he invited the kids to dinner during MY time without asking me first. Of course I let them go, because they wanted to but I sent him a polite request for him to please ask me first. His response? "I don't need your permission to invite the kids, they need your permission to come." Is it just me or is that just totally backwards??? Yes, ultimately it's my time and my choice if I let them go, but it puts me in an awkward position if he asks them first and then I say "no, you can't see your dad because you have too much homework" or whatever other valid reason there may be. I don't know how to describe WHY or HOW I feel that this approach is harmful to the kids and impairs our ability to coparent. (This is a very small example, last fall he "invited" them to go live with his then-girlfriend-now-wife)
He won't talk to me so I don't know how to communicate that I am only asking for sole custody because he is making it impossible to coparent. I think it would be better for the kids if he would just participate cooperatively.
I am just so sad that it has come to this and today it's overwhelming.
I find myself wishing away the next 6 years - so that my babies will be making their own choices - but how horribly sad is that. They only grow up once.
To keep it in perspective - I left and also have a new partner and my ex likes to tell the children that it's "my fault" that he had to get married again and things had to change, since I left.
I'm so sorry you've got such a butthead for an ex to deal with, and even sorrier for your poor kids
, who the butthead is clearly putting in the middle with his childish antics! As a judge once said about my ex, "Unfortunately, stupidity is not against the law". Your ex is more than a jerk; you don't burden kids with adult issues like where they will live.. that's WHAT PARENTS ARE FOR! I would strongly advise you to document, document, document, and I hope that you win sole custody; someone with his mentality should not have the right to contribute to important life decisions for the children, IMO.
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