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  • #16
    Wow. A lot of reading.


    So, I was in a similar situation with son (and then daughter) but my OCL was great. So I can't help you there but I can empathize with you. (Oh, and I am a male)



    Rule #1- don't call CAS on your ex spouse.



    Rule #2- if you feel that the "abuse" is significant and CAS should be called. See Rule #1.



    Rule #3- if the abuse results in an injury that needs medical attention. See Rule #1 and then take your child to the emergency department. If you feel silly going to the emergency department for this medical attention, then so will CAS.


    CAS doesn't seem to take ex spouses concerns seriously. If the abuse is significant, a teacher or a doctor will notice it and be compelled to report it. Not out of the kindness of their heart; it is a legal requirement and there are stiff penalties for not reporting suspected abuse. In your case the psychologist.



    Can you get a recommendation from the psychologist? That is the expert.


    The OCL is suppose to give your child a voice in court. I don't recall ever seeing a "report", just an affidavit from the counselor assigned to the case. If the child's views are not expressed to the court, I imagine you could argue that the OCL's report is only an opinion and the child's view was not expressed. Maybe someone with more knowledge on this could chime in. Like I said, my OCL was great and our child's views were expressed through the counselor assigned.


    One thing our children's OCL did say and the Judge reiterated, is that children vote with their feet.


    Some Food for Thought:



    I was told early in the separation, by our marriage counselor, not to bad mouth the other parent because it often backfires; and it did in my ex's case. Think about it, your child just wants to feel comfortable. They won't feel comfortable if you are badmouthing a person they love.



    Lead by example. I take our children out to by my ex a nice gift on Mother's Day and her Birthday. I do it so the children have a gift to give their mother and they can bask in her appreciation. My new spouse used to get angry with me when I "did things for my ex" until I explained to her that I don't do ANYTHING for my ex. Everything I do is for our children, it just happens that sometimes my ex benefits from it.



    Embrace your ex's new spouse, pray that he/she loves your children and pray that your children love him/her. They will not replace you, you will always have that unconditional love. Let the children tell you stories of their time with your ex and his/her spouse. Even if it is killing you inside, smile and listen. If you accept that things have changed and this is the new normal for you and your children, it won't kill you inside.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by CatsandDogs View Post
      The issue is that the OCL decided to include a recommendation to gradually reinstate days for mom over the next year. Yes, there is counselling and family work, etc. - but it didn't show much improvement over the past 12 months, so who is to say it will have better results in the next year?

      Who is to say it won't have better results? Contact with parents is so important that it is often worth the risk.


      If it starts to go badly, then you can say "this is going badly, it has got to change". However, presumptively assuming that it will go badly guarantees that it will go badly.



      As stated previously, I want my son to have a loving mother, someone he can love - not someone who cannot forgive and move forward and stop emotionally and psychologically abusing him (confirmed by CAS, OCL, and psych).
      If they are recommending an increase in parenting time for mom, then clearly they don't think she is abusive, and it is nothing close to "confirmed".


      Open your mind and consider whether you would be ok with your child being depressed, self-harming and exposed to some of the things mentioned earlier. In the absence of a loving relationship and care and nurturing, would you force your child into torture and imprisonment because the guards got paid to do that as their job? Not likely.
      I believe that you believe that your child will suffer with the mother. I also believe that third parties do not share your belief. I know why you do not want to send your kid to the mother, I'm trying to say that you might be wrong. In the event that you are not wrong, I'm not sure if there is much you can do... yet.



      This forum didn't seem like it was about story-telling and sensational incidents for shock, and sympathy and entertainment - I thought it was about sharing and seeking advice and input.
      Jeff pays me about $14/hour less than minimum wage. At that salary level, I'm more interested in entertainment.

      The question remains, how do I address the concerns with the quality and content of the OCL report - what are the ramifications, etc.
      Provide hard evidence that OCL is wrong. Future predictions are mostly worthless, until time travel is invented you have no hard evidence of the future. Past incidents can be used, but they have to be in the very recent past.


      Challenging an OCL report is incredibly time consuming or expensive. The main risk here is going from 10/14 to 7/14, or about 6 days a month. Mom can do just as much damage with 4/14 as she can with 7/14. I don't think the fight is worth it.

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