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  • #16
    Thankfully done with court and moving on, hopefully done with all the nonsense (knock on wood) and even talking marriage with my 'new' guy (been happily living in sin for over 5 years)

    Kids are doing amazing (one got 95% in Algebra!) and happier now that there's no more drama. *sigh* Here's hoping it lasts

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    • #17
      Originally posted by MommaBear73 View Post
      Thankfully done with court and moving on, hopefully done with all the nonsense (knock on wood) and even talking marriage with my 'new' guy (been happily living in sin for over 5 years)

      Kids are doing amazing (one got 95% in Algebra!) and happier now that there's no more drama. *sigh* Here's hoping it lasts

      That's fantastic mamabear. How long did it take before you got to a place of drama free?

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      • #18
        Settled for decade-long struggle

        Seperated in 2007 when youngest was a newborn and our other child was
        only two. Divorced two years later in 2009. We had a final court order to settle everything in March 2009. Lots of compromises made to secure this deal including giving up the right to child support for initial two years. This should have been the end of it BUT...

        Dragged back into court no less then six times by ex for one motion or another between April 2009 and July 2010. Trial took place in October 2010. Ex lost and had to pay significant costs and was also prohibited from being forward anymore motions without leave from court. In January 2011 successfuly removed police enforcement clause from final court order because EX kept on abusing the clause. That ended police involvement

        Now communication is for the most part via email and telephone messages but I receive several nasty emails on a daily basis and several lengthy phone messages. Main challenge is trying secure/retain service from third party service providers. Ex continues to undermine each and every service I fight to put in place.

        Children are now four and six. Six year old has special needs.

        I anticipate the conflict will continue and will not lessen. Its been four years and EX is as bitter and if not more angry. He works so hard to find ways to make my life miserable. For example, on "Mothers Day" I received several phone messages and emails informing me that I did not have the right to spend the day with the children. (We have a court order stating otherwise).

        Life is short, you can't let this crap (family court, conflict with Ex) hold you back and define your life. There is some things you are going to be able to control and others not. Pick your battles selectively and don't fight over every single thing. I've accepted that life is going to be tough for the next ten years.

        I live my life the best way I can. Creating rich memories with the children and carving out what I can for myself.

        Looking forward to retirement, when I will go back to my writing, travelling, sailing, climbing mountains, visiting friends around the world, making new friends and putting my feet up!

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Nadia View Post

          Life is short, you can't let this crap (family court, conflict with Ex) hold you back and define your life. There is some things you are going to be able to control and others not. Pick your battles selectively and don't fight over every single thing. I've accepted that life is going to be tough for the next ten years.

          I live my life the best way I can. Creating rich memories with the children and carving out what I can for myself.

          Looking forward to retirement, when I will go back to my writing, travelling, sailing, climbing mountains, visiting friends around the world, making new friends and putting my feet up!

          Wow I admire you. That is a very positive attitude.

          My problem is I really don't want to accept that my life is going to be tough for 10 years. I love my fiancee a alot (I wouldn't be here if I didn't) and I love his kids but I didn't marry his ex and she is making my life a living hell. There are days I want to just pack up and go.

          I am worried that the stress in the house is not a good environment for my own son and he is getting the short end of the stick - always having to be patient and not having as much as his step sisters that are placed in a bubble because of their age.

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          • #20
            Believe me there are days when I wish I could just pack up and go.

            But I do not have that choice to make. I love my children and would never leave them no matter what my EX did. However, the reality is that if I want to continue playing a part in their lives, I have to put up with my EX and the challenges that I face dealing with him on a day to day basis. I made that choice when I decided to have children with him.

            Some days are better then others. That is why you have to cherish the moments when life is close to normalcy. It could just be spending an afternoon in the park or a weekend away. Try and live in the present. Don't worry about what the EX is doing or going to do next. You have no control over her behavior, but you can control your response. Try and not waste YOUR time thinking about all the stuff that the EX is doing and getting away with, focus instead on what you can do with your son, or your step children.

            Focus on keeping your spirits up, being healthy and positive. The better frame of mind you are in the easier it will be to deal with the negativity and crap that comes your way.

            Think about what positive difference YOU are making to your partner's life. He has to deal with the EX, but he probably takes comfort in the fact that you are standing by his side. Think about the positive influence you are having on the step children. There is never too much love for children, especially in a situation like this.

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            • #21
              On the better days I feel positive about my position here but some days I just feel like enough already!

              I have zero drama with my ex. Life was peaceful.

              Then there is the constant crazy and legal crap that I do to help- and I am just tired and it's still only at the beginning. I can't fathom 10 or 12 years of this.

              Would you sacrifice peace for love?

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              • #22
                Originally posted by karmaseeker View Post
                On the better days I feel positive about my position here but some days I just feel like enough already!

                I have zero drama with my ex. Life was peaceful.

                Then there is the constant crazy and legal crap that I do to help- and I am just tired and it's still only at the beginning. I can't fathom 10 or 12 years of this.

                Would you sacrifice peace for love?
                I am in the same boat and as the relationship progresses (a good thing), i find myself asking this same question more and more often, over and over again. Very conflicted. I'm afraid i have no nuggets of wisdom to share ...

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                • #23
                  wretchdotis: since you had trial in 2010, wasn't retro CS and other issues dealt with then? Can't understand why you are back in court...and trying to avoid this if possble being in trial right now.

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                  • #24
                    Divorce isn't final yet

                    My divorce will be final in the next few days and all I will have to worry is getting my spousal support reliably. Don't have to deal with him or the new wife (got married again before we were divorced in Jamaica). Have a feeling the new wife is going to take him for a ride. Not my problem. Now, just to get my adult children back as my friends.

                    I am so happy to have moved on and away from the mental torture and I almost got my career back too. I still love my ex as strange as that seems.

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                    • #25
                      Divorce isn't final yet

                      My divorce is final in the next few days. I am happy to have moved on from the mental torture. His new wife (yep, he married again before we were divorced in Jamaica). All I have to worry about is getting my spousal support reliably.

                      As strange as it seems with my ex's mental and constant affairs, I still love him. I am hoping some day I can reconnect with my adult children too.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by karmaseeker View Post
                        That's fantastic mamabear. How long did it take before you got to a place of drama free?
                        Sorry Karmseeker!! Been so busy with work and baby am hardly on anymore.

                        Thanks! Well, we separated almost 6 years ago, were on friendly terms at first, then it all went downhill. Long story short, I allowed myself to be drawn into the back and forth emails and he said/she said drama. I stuck to my guns, didn't let him bully me and did what was best for the boys and it all worked out in the end. We're all ridiculously happier for it. Allowing his antics to affect me was a mistake that I can't take back but have learned from and am no longer allowing his foul moods and ridiculous emails to bother me anymore. I am actually to the point where I feel sorry for him that he feels the need to lash out like that. All emails that don't have anything to do with the kidlets are filed under 'Nonsense'

                        So, I have been drama free for months now. Though he may try to start it, I no longer feed into it. Life is too short to let buttheads ruin it.

                        Laugh when you can..✿. Apologize when you should..✿. And let go of what you can't change... Love deeply and forgive quickly... Take chances and give your everything..✿. Life is too short to be anything but happy...✿ You have to take the good with the bad...✿ Love what you have... Always remember what you had... Forgive and forget.✿..and always remember.. that life goes on..✿.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by MommaBear73 View Post
                          Sorry Karmseeker!! Been so busy with work and baby am hardly on anymore.

                          Thanks! Well, we separated almost 6 years ago, were on friendly terms at first, then it all went downhill. Long story short, I allowed myself to be drawn into the back and forth emails and he said/she said drama. I stuck to my guns, didn't let him bully me and did what was best for the boys and it all worked out in the end. We're all ridiculously happier for it. Allowing his antics to affect me was a mistake that I can't take back but have learned from and am no longer allowing his foul moods and ridiculous emails to bother me anymore. I am actually to the point where I feel sorry for him that he feels the need to lash out like that. All emails that don't have anything to do with the kidlets are filed under 'Nonsense'

                          So, I have been drama free for months now. Though he may try to start it, I no longer feed into it. Life is too short to let buttheads ruin it.

                          Laugh when you can..✿. Apologize when you should..✿. And let go of what you can't change... Love deeply and forgive quickly... Take chances and give your everything..✿. Life is too short to be anything but happy...✿ You have to take the good with the bad...✿ Love what you have... Always remember what you had... Forgive and forget.✿..and always remember.. that life goes on..✿.

                          Well said. Thank you for sharing.

                          Comment

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