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  • Verbal Diahreah from ex's mouth and slander

    To all, I will attempt to be as concise as possible while getting the crux of the issue out. My ex-wife is barely employed as a "Free lance Writter", barely employed is the word. She goes on line and replies to requests for back ground research and gets paid peanuts for her work. So much so she is still living at home with my son at HER MOTHERS HOUSE nine years after moving in.....we did so together 6 1/2 yrs ago as she caused us to file bankruptcy. We split and I paid her dearly due to bad legal advice, got new, cost me almost as much as I paid out the first time, so much so that all debts tallied, would have 3/4 of my current house paid off.

    The main issue is that my ex and I have been through the ringer about everything....mostly her lies, deception, cheating, both in person and on line as well as the financial schemes. THen there were the slanderous things she was saying.....well when caught in act she wrote an appology and recanted. Now however she is on line, many different discussion boards trashing me, she has gotten legal advice and no longer uses my real name but she is stiill trashing me. People who read it, far and few know its her and know its crap but it still bothers me as she has made my life hell trying to get my son the medical care he needs....because she blocks my attempts costs thousands of dollars. So my question is does anyone have advice on how to end it.....to stop her from spreading garbage. I am fed up with seeing bold face lies in print, stuff that when she states "my ex did this......" people who read it and know me wonder just what happened, how can she be so messed up and me not see it. Me working 70-80 hr wks is my answer, yet I still get the looks. Help plz

  • #2
    Some background please..
    Are you divorced?
    What are the ages of the 4 children?
    What is the custody/access agreement?
    How often are they with you?
    Do you and your ex live close to one another?

    Can you tell that entire story above, a lot more clearly and with details and timelines? Are there any issues before the Courts that are still unresolved?

    What sorts of lies does she tell, and to whom?

    Comment


    • #3
      As long as I've been on this forum there has only been one poster who has slandered anyone using their real name.

      Don't think there is anything you can do about her talking about you in online forums unless she actually uses your name. Then do you have the huge retainer it would cost to have a lawyer represent you in a very expensive litigation?

      Maybe you should just avoid the sites that your ex posts on?

      Counselling is another possibility for you to move on with your life and accept the fact that you made poor choices in the past.

      Comment


      • #4
        Arabian:
        Yes I do avoid those sites, however little hints or clues are often left with my eldest and the detective in me always tracks it down back to her.

        Yes thankfully I received counselling afforded by my company, so not stuck there, regrets yes wish I could change the past. However what I merely seek is a way that is savy enough to throw her off her game and put and end to it.

        It is one thing to put the past behind you and forgive for all the wrong doings and transgressions, however just like when a jury is instructed to disregard or strike the last......it is never forgotten and quite frankly I am tired of being reminded that all my sacrifice and charity and turning the other cheek is netting me continued grief.

        Hadenough:

        All of my children are below the age of 10 3 below 6. We have a formal divorce settlement where I get shared custody. 3 days some 4 her, except holidays and vacations. There are no matters before the courts at present however I may have to in very near future as some things have come to light that indicate that she is in contempt......wont cost me as a friend is a lawyer and has agreed to step in now that he is in the area.
        As for details and timelines, sufficed to say it started end of 2009 but got ugly end of 2010.
        Details are not really relevant, not wanting to keep dragging things over, just wish to find savy way to put and end to it, put the shoe on the other foot as it were.

        Appreciate the post

        Comment


        • #5
          Why don't you focus on the positive...you have shared custody and no matters before the court. You are ahead of most divorced men. Quit whining and looking for trouble and ignore her. Enjoy your children and allow them to love both their parents or you are messing with them.

          Comment


          • #6
            Your lawyer friend should be able to assist you. The reason for asking for details is that they give the reader a more clear idea of the situation. In your first post, it was like you came barging through a door randomly complaining about a whole list of things, including that she's preventing one child from getting medical attention.

            If you have no legal options to remedy this, it's best you totally ignore it as the reward for her is likely knowing how much it angers you. She knows how to press your buttons, as I'm sure you know how to press hers. I just don't think that unless she's identifying you personally, by name, that there's anything you can do. It's incredible to me how immature people can be. I assume you were the one who ended the marriage.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Dadtofour View Post
              My ex-wife is barely employed as a "Free lance Writter", barely employed is the word. She goes on line and replies to requests for back ground research and gets paid peanuts for her work.
              Just an observation but, you are making allegations that your "ex" is using public internet services to commit liable (you stated "slander" which is incorrect) yet, provide personal details of the person in question that could be used to locate that person potentially. Basically, you are complaining about something the "ex" is doing but, are doing it yourself.

              From the information provided I know you (a) have an ex, (b) who works in the publishing industry, (c) works freelance and (d) uses a public bid for work system to do research. You are clearly Canadian which narrows the search criteria to locate this person significantly.

              Originally posted by Dadtofour View Post
              So much so she is still living at home with my son at HER MOTHERS HOUSE nine years after moving in.....we did so together 6 1/2 yrs ago as she caused us to file bankruptcy.
              You are projecting blame at your "ex" for the bankruptcy filing you had to make? I do realize that it is extremely frustrating when one party to a relationship doesn't see their need to equally contribute both emotionally AND financially. But, I am doubtful that it is "all her fault".

              Originally posted by Dadtofour View Post
              We split and I paid her dearly due to bad legal advice, got new, cost me almost as much as I paid out the first time, so much so that all debts tallied, would have 3/4 of my current house paid off.
              Penny wise, pound foolish. The challenge in family law is that there is no controlling the other party when they get bad advice. It costs everyone emotionally and financially.

              Originally posted by Dadtofour View Post
              The main issue is that my ex and I have been through the ringer about everything....mostly her lies, deception, cheating, both in person and on line as well as the financial schemes.
              These are very large allegations of miss conduct.

              1. lies - welcome to family law. Many people write affidavits on statements of "beliefs" and not "the truth' as the affidavits are supposed to be "sworn to the truth".

              2. deception - same as lies see point 1.

              3. cheating - of no consideration to the court and won't win you any "brownie points" with a judge or sympathy.

              4. financial schemes - when written like this it reads as if you are suggesting "fraud" which is criminal in nature?

              Originally posted by Dadtofour View Post
              THen there were the slanderous things she was saying.....well when caught in act she wrote an appology and recanted.
              Excellent evidence to attach to an affidavit to demonstrate to the court. This is known generally in the divorce industry as a "distortion campaign". If you do a search on Google you will find a lot of information about distortion campaigns that come along with "Family Law" matters.

              Originally posted by Dadtofour View Post
              Now however she is on line, many different discussion boards trashing me, she has gotten legal advice and no longer uses my real name but she is stiill trashing me.
              If brought forward on motion you can attach the relevant and cogent evidence, provide insight as to why this person might be the person in question and request an order for disclosure from the third party service provider. But, you will have to establish "prima facia" that there is a high probability that the poster is your "ex".

              Originally posted by Dadtofour View Post
              People who read it, far and few know its her and know its crap but it still bothers me as she has made my life hell trying to get my son the medical care he needs....
              Seperate the concerns. There is (a) your personal privacy and potential liable statements being posted on the internet and (b) the child in questions "best interests" (medical needs).

              Originally posted by Dadtofour View Post
              because she blocks my attempts costs thousands of dollars.
              In medical expenses for treatment of your son or for legal fees to get your son access to medical treatment?

              Originally posted by Dadtofour View Post
              So my question is does anyone have advice on how to end it.....to stop her from spreading garbage. I am fed up with seeing bold face lies in print, stuff that when she states "my ex did this......" people who read it and know me wonder just what happened, how can she be so messed up and me not see it.
              Often, the best thing to do with a highly conflicted individual is to call them on the games they are playing but, make sure you have evidence that at minimum establishes the possibility prima facia that they are the ones creating a distortion campaign. Research "distortion campaign" and possibly go out and buy the book "It's All Your Fault" by William Eddy.

              The best thing to do when someone engages in a distortion campaign is to capture the evidence of it and when you have evidence in contravention to a statement 'sworn to the truth' to put it back at the highly conflicted litigant.

              The challenge for many highly conflicted people is that they cannot keep track of the tangle web they weave when they only practice to deceive.

              There really isn't much you can do and Hadenough's advice is bang-on.

              Good Luck!
              Tayken

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by beebie View Post
                Why don't you focus on the positive...you have shared custody and no matters before the court. You are ahead of most divorced men. Quit whining and looking for trouble and ignore her. Enjoy your children and allow them to love both their parents or you are messing with them.
                Beebie:
                I am ahead of other divirced me because I PAID dearly to be where I am. If not for my lucrative position I could not have afforded to cover all our combined debt and deal with Lawyers and Doctors.

                The children are not prevented from loving both parents. These isues are not discussed around the children or the child who needs medical advice.

                I have and do continue to ignore her, however when it is brought to my attention by others, very difficult not to look and see what has them upset.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by hadenough View Post
                  Your lawyer friend should be able to assist you. The reason for asking for details is that they give the reader a more clear idea of the situation. In your first post, it was like you came barging through a door randomly complaining about a whole list of things, including that she's preventing one child from getting medical attention.

                  If you have no legal options to remedy this, it's best you totally ignore it as the reward for her is likely knowing how much it angers you. She knows how to press your buttons, as I'm sure you know how to press hers. I just don't think that unless she's identifying you personally, by name, that there's anything you can do. It's incredible to me how immature people can be. I assume you were the one who ended the marriage.
                  Hadenough:
                  Yes I can see how it would appear that it was a barage, truthfully I just wanted to give enough info so that I could get some ideas on how to best deal with her. I am not comfortable talking about it all, out on a public forum, just generalities not too many specifics, as there are only a few who truly know the hideous things she has done. Unfortunately one friend has witnessed several of her outbursts and is now affraid to be at any functions she might attend.

                  Yes she has named me personally with full name in the past, as of recent no, hence trying to find a different way to drive the point home to her and get her off her bent she is on, as I know from a legal perspective there is nothing I can do. Hence trying to find a unique and savvy way to deal with her.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quote: "I am ahead of other divirced me because I PAID dearly to be where I am. If not for my lucrative position I could not have afforded to cover all our combined debt and deal with Lawyers and Doctors."

                    I thought you said you were forced to file an assignment in bankruptcy?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by hadenough View Post
                      Quote: "I am ahead of other divirced me because I PAID dearly to be where I am. If not for my lucrative position I could not have afforded to cover all our combined debt and deal with Lawyers and Doctors."

                      I thought you said you were forced to file an assignment in bankruptcy?
                      Hadenough:
                      Yes I was asked to sign off on the joint credit items. I did not state what the time frame from filing till divorce. Didnt think the fact that it was 5 yrs before was relevant. Was only showing her character.I worked 7 days a wk 14 hrs a day for 2 yrs. Was sick an entire week from exhaustion at the end.

                      Comment

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