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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Financial Issues

Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 01-05-2020, 02:31 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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Default CS not used on kids

I know you arenít supposed to question how CS is utilized and trust your ex to use it to provide for the kids. I regularly pay CS and am happy to provide it as I see it as belonging to the kids. However there is something going on that I wouldnít mind the forums insight...

But what if the CS isnít used on kids? No, itís not used on feeding a drug habit so itís not like I can go running to court. What is going on is that the CS is straight up going into my exís RRSPs and personal bank account. Itís certainly not being used on the kids. I am not seen as a parent, but rather a source of income. My ex wanted to maintain as though she is a 2 income family, which must be nice, all while I struggle. I pick up the kids and they are in raggedy clothes, whereby I return them in decent clothes which I had to purchase. Very noticeable. I ask ex to pack their swimsuits so that I can take them swimming, and am told they donít own swimsuits as she doesnít take them swimming. So guess whoís on the hook buying swimsuits? Seems like I am buying LOTS of things that they ďshouldĒ have....given the monthly CS I provide is nothing to sneeze at! She figures Iíll buy all the extra stuff so why should she bother...

Pursue unjust enrichment? Itís hard to prove and I donít think judges want their courts clogged with stuff like that. Plus it would cost more in legal fees to pursue than what itís worth. And my top focus was custody and access in court to keep it straight forward for as quick of resolution as possible. My lawyer is aware of her pursuit of CS as a monthly windfall and his best advice is to keep all receipts should she ever try to re-open custody and access.

Any advice would be appreciated! Oh yeah, having an ďopen conversationĒ about the subject would open the largest can of junk imaginable as my ex is impossible and irrational.
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Old 01-05-2020, 02:47 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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There are plenty of threads on this topic and you will get plenty of people telling you that it sucks which does nothing. You canít control what happens to the cs you pay and getting upset does nothing.

Stop sending the kids home with the stuff you buy. When you send them home, send them exactly how you got them. Raggedy and gross clothes and all.
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Old 01-05-2020, 05:19 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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Thanks for the advice. The system is messed up.

My ex gets rich while I struggle. She knew what she was doing though. Knew that CS would eventually be offset so stretched to get CS for as long as she could. Played her cards right knowing the timeline to trial.
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Old 01-05-2020, 05:44 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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This is a common refrain including in my house where he paid cs while unemployed while she was making six figures. It sucks but there is not much you can do. The kids live with her therefore you pay. Donít pay more by sending new clothes home. Keep those for yourself.
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Old 01-05-2020, 08:41 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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Thanks for the advice! It is unbelievable how some people are so shameless out there. Clearly just want the $$ and CCB as though itís lottery. Want kids to themselves and keep father out of kids lives, going out to say that EOW is Ďsufficeí when both kids and dad want 50/50. Wish the courts would just shut this down when they come across blatant stories such as mine, instead of making me ďdo the court danceĒ where years and thousands were wasted when the proper outcome shouldíve occurred from the moment we stepped into the courtroom.
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Old 01-06-2020, 08:47 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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Isnít there anything I can do regarding unjust enrichment? I mean, it was VERY evident she tried to delay 50/50 for as long as she could, over a large number of phases, with a lame excuse that she thinks itís better for the kids. It is REALLY not fair how much I lost financially and how much she gained financially. We signed Minutes of Settlement but havenít updated our financial statements. Since the last financial statement, she has been banking all the CS into RRSPs.
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Old 01-06-2020, 09:32 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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I've been at it since 2013. Nothing in family court makes sense and the honest, stable, hard working parent is the one that gets screwed over btpy the system. Zero accountability! I've easily lost by now 150,000 in my song and dance. I don't have any positive advice for you but just wanted to let you know you are in good company.
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Old 01-06-2020, 09:35 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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reading this thread and I'm curious.... how do you know for sure what your ex is doing with the CS?

If she is banking everything then that would mean that she is using HER money to pay household and child expenses. If she takes money that you pay and buys RESPs (thus gaining tax relief and resources for kid's secondary education) then she is pretty smart. Also, if she knows that if she sends kids to your place in crappy old clothes KNOWING that you will spring for new ones, sounds money-wise to me.

I don't believe your ex is getting "rich" - raising kids is expensive.
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Old 01-06-2020, 09:36 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
Isnít there anything I can do regarding unjust enrichment? I mean, it was VERY evident she tried to delay 50/50 for as long as she could, over a large number of phases, with a lame excuse that she thinks itís better for the kids. It is REALLY not fair how much I lost financially and how much she gained financially. We signed Minutes of Settlement but havenít updated our financial statements. Since the last financial statement, she has been banking all the CS into RRSPs.


You donít know that. She could be saving her money that she would have spent on food/housing for the kids because you are paying that. Itís no different than my husbandís ex saying that he doesnít have housing or food costs because of my income so he should pay more cs.

Stop focusing on this. Its not worth the energy!
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Old 01-06-2020, 10:09 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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Thanks for all the support, it is very appreciated!

With regards to pocketing all the CS, she actually told me that she opened an RRSP account and my CS is going in there. Yes, she is using HER money for food and rent. As I am using my money for same. BUT, it should have been 50/50 in 6 months from now if we went with OCL recommendations, but she planted her feet and said cried Ďnoí to 50/50 until 2 years from now, knowing it would cost me thousands in legal fees to continue with court proceedings (doing the dance of atleast 1 more SC, a trial schedule conference, and trial management conference), so I had to stop the bleeding.

Why does she get a monthly lottery win when the issue is that the system allows someone to jockey for maximum profit? Knowing that I had to stop the bleeding of legal fees and endless settlement conferences, and agreed to a deal that gives her CS for 1.5 years more than she should receive? If I wouldíve stuck to my guns, the battle wouldíve bankrupt me...itís simply not right for someone to shamelessly mooch off of their ex. We were married for VERY short period (almost comically) and she fled immediately after getting pregnant and was hoping to keep child for herself while winning monthly lottery for 20 years...itís troubling how there are people like that out there.
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