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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 01-29-2020, 09:20 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Default Its over...we hope

My husband had his sc and they reached an agreement. She was difficult right to the end and even her lawyer didnít want to be around her. He can live with the decision. He paid a lump sum for school so she canít come back for ANY other expenses. Plus it was agreed he will not change cs so he doesnít even have to worry about advising of income changes. Save the ďcanít negotiate cs awayĒ because itís section 3 support for an adult child living away from home.

The good news is that he had all this money put away so he wonít have a financial hit and that we are finally done with this shit. The bad news is that he still has no relationship with his kids. They are still being ugly about it. I hope that since the battle is over there wonít be ongoing garbage said about him. Her sc brief was ridiculous. I wouldnít let him read it it was that bad. We are also trying to remind ourselves no more worrying about emails, preparing for court or having to endure facing her. He can work on his mental health and focus on his interests. He told me he was going to join a local organization I had been bugging him to look into. I wish he would join big brothers but that might be a stretch. He said no to a puppy (sniff) as we work all day.

The best part was that my family really wrapped their arms around him before the sc and he told me after that he had never felt so loved and supported by a family (other than his) in his life. We know what this is like from our parents and we know he is a good dad. It was a no brainer to support him.

Letís hope we donít have to worry about this again. I donít expect her to give up on her campaign against him but at least if she realizes she needs him to pay for something his answer will be a big fat no!
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Old 01-29-2020, 02:20 PM
momof2teenboys momof2teenboys is offline
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I'm glad that's finally over for you. Sounds like you can move on knowing that he's paid his share and she can't take him back to court for more.


How did you calculate the lump-sum? Did he have to compromise on some of the questionable expenses? Was the final number based on an average of the estimate coming years for the one not yet finished school?


I'm really struggling with collecting post-secondary expenses for youngest DS. The eldest went the college route which was considerably less expensive and the youngest is doing university while commuting from home. Ex questions everything - he doesn't need a laptop he can use paper and pencil, I'm not paying for paper and pencils because there's no proof it's for him...the battles over every little thing are crazy. I think I'd rather negotiate a lump-sum from both parents for the four years and let DS budget accordingly.
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Old 01-29-2020, 04:16 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Originally Posted by momof2teenboys View Post
How did you calculate the lump-sum?
He took the number he paid for kid 1 for one year and multiplied by the years of school. I calculated he saved $8000 based on the expenses she estimated and I found on the school website.

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Did he have to compromise on some of the questionable expenses?
Yes, she wanted one expenses paid fully despite not telling him about it. Then she came back and wanted the expenses rounded up to the next $1000. He was really angry he agreed to it but I reminded him it was the cost of his lawyer to negotiate it and wait for the judge.

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Was the final number based on an average of the estimate coming years for the one not yet finished school?
He is only paying his shared of school expenses. She cannot come to him for anything else. Medical, education, extra curricularónothing. If her expenses go up or her benefits donít cover it, itís on her. She lost that one when she demanded the rounding up.


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I'm really struggling with collecting post-secondary expenses for youngest DS. The eldest went the college route which was considerably less expensive and the youngest is doing university while commuting from home. Ex questions everything - he doesn't need a laptop he can use paper and pencil, I'm not paying for paper and pencils because there's no proof it's for him...the battles over every little thing are crazy. I think I'd rather negotiate a lump-sum from both parents for the four years and let DS budget accordingly.

If its an eligible expense he canít argue it. In my husbands case, his ex threw everything into the expenses. Including a $40 night out for sushi. We weeded through everything. Just calculate it and submit to FRO if you are in Ontario. Then he can fight not to pay it. They will garnish him even after the kids are done!! My dads cpp was being garnished up until a few years ago because he took off and hid until we were all done. Joke was on him 30 years later!
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Old 01-29-2020, 04:35 PM
momof2teenboys momof2teenboys is offline
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That sounds like a good compromise and good for your husband to no longer have to deal with that worry.
Unfortunately for me, FRO can't garnish paycheques as payor is self-employed. He does get occasional warning letters and will make small payments to get them off his back. I don't think I'll see full payments from him for years - I'll be enjoying retirement with back child support finally showing up!

Last edited by momof2teenboys; 01-29-2020 at 05:03 PM.
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Old 01-29-2020, 04:41 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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I'm happy for you. But also I feel his pain on just having to eat it when it comes to the financials. The relief of being done with the litigation DOES outweigh having to just accept your ex is money-grubbing asshole...so there's that happiness. But I still get a bit sick to my stomach when I think of the money issues with my ex. I think I always will. I just focus on what lessons I had to learn.

Glad you guys have good families. Time to take a vacation!

You don't want a dog anyways- they're like toddlers that never grow up. Cute. But so much fucking work. [I say this as a non dog owner. so feel free to ignore me].
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Old 01-29-2020, 06:26 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Glad you guys have good families. Time to take a vacation!

We had a shitty one before the holidays so we are pausing on vacations for a while and doing some much needed work to finish projects around the house.
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Old 01-29-2020, 10:48 PM
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Good job rockscan, must be a relief for him.

The girls will come around, in due time. A little bit of maturity changes perceptions.
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Old 01-30-2020, 07:40 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Good job rockscan, must be a relief for him.

The girls will come around, in due time. A little bit of maturity changes perceptions.


Heís still saying he shouldnít have agreed to this or that. Iím hoping once he gets the cheque to the lawyer he will let it go.

I also hope you are right about the kids. I keep reminding him that their emotional maturity stunted when the split happened and eventually they will let shit go. It happened for me and my siblings and it happened to others. He just has to be patient.
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Old 01-30-2020, 09:08 AM
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FAAAntastic news!

Very smart to have put money aside through the years.

Your man is lucky to have you in his life. Now you guys can focus on planning a nice life. Kids (young adults) will come around. I'm sure the mother will be bitching and gurning for a few years to come. That's ok. Your man needs time to heal and put this behind him. When he is eventually reunited with daughters they can hopefully enjoy themselves.
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Old 02-18-2020, 11:36 AM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
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A bittersweet saga that must be a huge relief.
I really hope it is as final as you say.
Family Law is the never ending story it seems.
Blessings
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