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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 03-16-2010, 01:20 AM
pkount pkount is offline
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Default My daughter has moved in with me, mother refuses to acknowledge

4 weeks ago my 16 year old daughter called me and askedme ifshe can move in with me permanently. I picked her up the following day after school, drove her to her mother's house and she moved all her belongings from the house.

She now lives with me.

Over the coarse of the last couple of weeks my daughter has told us some pretty scary stories about the physical and mental abuse she had been subjected too over the past few years. Not only by her mother, but also her mother's boyfriend (non live-in)

I am currently unemployed and I have an emergency motion in a couple days claiming financial hardship, as the mother will not acknowledge my daughter living with me and feels she is still entitled to child support.
My daughter on her own, wrote a letter saying that under no circumstances will she ever live with her mother again outlining some reasons especially the abuse. I took her to a lawyer friend and it was notorized.Also note that there is no spousal support as we were never married nor lived together for any period of time. I have been very active in my 16 year olds life until a couple years ago when her mother refused to let her visit or talk to me.We also had a son together who is 18 and has also been living with me for over 3 years.
We have contacted FACS, Police etc...and an investigation has started.

In the meantime I am very happily married with two very young children.That makes a total of four kids now for my wife and I. There is a lot of love in our house. Can't say the same about money.
My unemployment has been garnished 50%.

Has anyone gone through this or have any advice when I go before the Judge this week with the motion of financial hardship and asking them to stop garnishing my unemployment.

I have already prepared all the forms fo the next motion for variance, custody acknowledgement, and now ongoing support from the mother!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated
  #2  
Old 03-16-2010, 04:34 AM
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Have you been paying CS for your 18 year old that has been living with your for three years?

Will your 18 year old be attending post secondary school?

Have you been adjusting the CS annually to reflect changes in your income?

Does your court order provide for annual changes based on income?

What does the court order say about CS for each child?

Your motion for hardship I think needs to include an interim custody order for both children and, a request to terminate all CS and a request to have her start paying you CS for both children. If you don't ask you don't get, so put them in your materials! If you have already filed your materials with the other side, walk these requests into the court on motion day, and give them to the other side and the court clerk when you register your attendance before proceedings start.

For your 18 year old this should have been effective 3 years ago. If you have waited this long to bring your 18 year old's living arrangments to the court's attention, you probably won't get that.

I presume there are arrears outstanding but you don't say. Maybe you can get the judge to cancel or reduce the arrears to compensate you for the time you have been the primary caregiver of your 18 year old.

The issues will need to be concisely presented and carefully reviewed by the judge. Bring the letter and present the living arrangements for the children, but be careful not to indulge yourself by dwelling on the alleged abuse. That may be hard when the other parent (with whom you are probably very angry) will be in the court room with you, but you HAVE to be focused on the issues and not emotionally engaged.

Your focus right now is on the CS and the custody. You have other agencies investigating the abuse. Mention it as part of your affidavit, but don't make it a focal point which could distract the judge and/or piss him/her off.

You want an order with respect to financial issues right now and maybe an interim custody order. The judge will not have time to evaluate the allegations of abuse, especially as the other investigation sounds to be at a preliminary stage.

Last edited by dadtotheend; 03-16-2010 at 04:55 AM.
  #3  
Old 03-16-2010, 01:34 PM
pkount pkount is offline
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Default My daughter has moved in with me, mother refuses to acknowledge

Thank you for your response...
My 18 year old is in last year of high school.
The court order (2009) stated that I would pay 700/mo for my daughter and she would pay 100/mo for my son.
CO also stated that we would share income info every July 30. I did that she did not.
In August/09 I lost my job...in June/09 she landed a good paying full-time job with the government.
My current arrears are $3000 approx.
When my son moved in, there were no issues in Court. The judge simply said that he was over 14 and was old enough to decide who he wants to live with. That was it. Every time his mother tried to say something about him living with me, the judge would simply scold her.

Your motion for hardship I think needs to include an interim custody order for both children and, a request to terminate all CS and a request to have her start paying you CS for both children. If you don't ask you don't get, so put them in your materials! If you have already filed your materials with the other side, walk these requests into the court on motion day, and give them to the other side and the court clerk when you register your attendance before proceedings start.

Would these requests be filed on a 14A(motion to change) or an affidavit?

My other concern is that her mother will not let my daughter have her ID.
She is witholding her birth certificate, passport, health card.
I took my daughter to the walk-in last week and had to pay for the visit.

Question regarding income....
The mother is "prone to accidents". In the last 2-3 years she has had a number of slip and fall claims. Last summer she settled with a couple of the insurance companies and reportedly received over $100k. Is this income that she should be reporting?

Late last nite I received a call from the mother telling me that she can't be at the hearing because of work, and asked if we can delay the hearing date. I explained to her that I couldn't for the simple fact of the financial hardship. Can she send someone to the hearing to adjourn it?

Lastly, I have all the paperwork (motion 15, etc...) signed and ready to serve. I am awaiting "confirmation of assignment" document, and until then I can't serve her. I have mentioned that in my motion.

Thanks again for the advice...I wish I would have found this site years ago. This by far is the BEST forum I have ever been on. Even better than the "Mike Holmes Forum"!!
  #4  
Old 03-16-2010, 02:23 PM
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wow..don't tell Mike Homes that!
She has no right to withold your daughter's id. She is a teenager and needs those pieces of ID to verify who she is. She can't get her driver's license or even go to the doctor!! You need to insist she give them back TO YOUR DAUGHTER yesterday. If she doesn't then you have 2 options; file an emergency motion to get them back or call the police. Either way it is going to be a huge hassle, but it has to be done.

as for the passport, here is some information I found:

Sometimes there is an existing passport for a child but the one parent refuses to give it to the other. The parent seeking the passport can inform the passport office that the passport has been stolen and the passport office may issue a new one. Again, the parent may also apply to court for an order that the passport be returned.

A passport is a form of property. To the extent it is property, it is the property of the Government of Canada - not the property of the passport holder and certainly not the property of a parent. For that reason, any application to court should probably be brought in the Superior Court of Justice or Superior Court of Justice, Family Court.

Also, please notice that neither involving the passport office or going to court is going to result in a particularly quick resolution of the problem, so these problems should be dealt with well in advance of any planned trip.

In addition to having a valid passport, a person traveling abroad with a child will generally need a travel consent form. This is a form signed by one parent that signifies that parent's agreement that the child can travel out of the country with the other parent. There is no set form for this document. The document should be witnessed -- preferably by a Notary Public. It should also contain the dates during which the child will be out of the country and the location of the visit.

If the other parent refuses, the party wishing to travel with the child can apply to court for an order that he or she be permitted to travel outside the country with the child with no parental consent form. The parent making such an application should include details about the trip including departure and return dates and at least a general itinerary.

If there is one thing that cannot be stressed strongly enough, it is this: DO NOT PLAN A TRIP OUTSIDE THE COUNTRY WITHOUT FIRST HAVING A PASSPORT FOR THE CHILD AND IF POSSIBLE A TRAVEL CONSENT FORM SIGNED BY THE CHILD'S OTHER PARENT OR A COURT ORDER DISPENSING WITH THE NEED FOR SUCH A FORM.


HTH!
  #5  
Old 03-16-2010, 08:44 PM
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I believe at her age she may be able to report the ID as stolen and file a report with the police?
  #6  
Old 03-16-2010, 10:57 PM
billiechic billiechic is offline
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Even if the daughter can file for it as stolen that does not replace it. She would need to order a new birth certificate, health card etc.
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Old 03-17-2010, 12:10 AM
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That's true however if she knew the identity of the person who stole it it's possible it may be recovered and in the process the mother may learn a lesson about how she does not have the right to withhold someone else's ID from them, regardless of her reasons. It's theft, pure and simple.

The mother clearly has control issues that need to be addressed and fast.
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Old 03-17-2010, 09:18 PM
billiechic billiechic is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
That's true however if she knew the identity of the person who stole it it's possible it may be recovered and in the process the mother may learn a lesson about how she does not have the right to withhold someone else's ID from them, regardless of her reasons. It's theft, pure and simple.

The mother clearly has control issues that need to be addressed and fast.
AGREED!
  #9  
Old 03-18-2010, 06:54 AM
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So order a new health card and new birth certificate. The health card you can probably get away with NOT having to pay for a replacement, if you explain the situation correctly. They should have the ability to waive the fees if necessary. (and it's usually only 10-25 dolalrs anyway).

The birth certificate you'll have to pay for, but again, you can simply order a new one if needed.

Also, she's under 18...get yourself the CCTB forms and file a new application ASAP (if you aren't collecting for her already, you are entitled to).
  #10  
Old 03-18-2010, 10:05 AM
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It seems like an easy fix, and it really is. Don't let this mother control you or your child by her selfish actions. Show your daughter that there are always more than one way to solve a problem. Go with the adult one and don't engage her. Apply for replacement documents now and don't let her hold that power over you and your daughter.
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