HI there,
New to this forum, and looking for some thoughts and advice right away. Sorry for the length in advance!
For a number of reasons, I'm ending my common law relationship of several years. We have lived together for at least 4 years and have 1 child together (who is almost 3).I am her primary caregiver and have done 90% of the childcare thus far. All assets, (house, car, cottage/land) are in my partner's name, all bought while we were together and were in his name because he felt i didn't amke enought to deserve it, and that my student loans (that are in default right now) might try to put a lien on the house. (i think he worried i might try to take it from him, since he openly doesn't trust me about anything.)
We live in Nova Scotia, where his family is, I have a few friends here and some extended family in New Brunswick,( but all the rest of my family and friends are out west, where I am from). My "Partner" makes about 55 g's a year while i make 20 g's (I have worked part time since our child was born in efforts to keep our child from being in full time daycare, a notion i may change now that she is more independant and for financial reasons). So, my "partner" pays for the mortgage, the car (I pay for 1/2 the gas) and the heat, and I pay for the phone, tv, internet, food, daycare and the child's other general costs. My "partner" seems to think in seperating i have no claim on any assets, he wants to pay $400 in child support (because "that's what he can afford" and any more would mean I am just being greedy since "he's not going to pay for me to live"), when i bring up the law, he says he doesn't care, he doesn't want to go through lawyers since we both can't afford it. His offer was that he will give me the minimum child support, and small payouts to cover the amount that I've contributed to his assets/equity ("minus the interest of course", he says), in conjunction with this offer, he wants me to sign an aggrement that I he gets to see our child 50% of the time( depending on our schedules..he's a teacher) that all decisions are 50-50 regarding her and that i will never move away with her from Nova Scotia.
I am from Alberta and I KNOW i can get a great job there, I have family there, and I could go there and make a better life for me and our daughter. If I stay here with here, its a big financial sacrifice but more importantly i won't have family to call on for help ( but HE will). I want to leave now, he can be horribly vile and verbally awful saying totally self esteem crushing things to me, and the next day asking nicely what's for dinner, then making a joke and when i don't laugh he gets rude and accusing about me being cold and wanting to be enemies when I can't be friends with someone who can treat anyone like that in from of their child and never apologise for it. We live in the country, and have only one car, (HIS car)...
So this, in my long winded way, leads me to my question:
If I find a temporary place to stay while here, move out, could the "status quo" issue be used against me ever moving away? would that make it harder if i wanted to move closer to my family later on, since i won't make enough money here to visit them even? I need to look for new work then as well, full time likely, and live in the city. I worry with this choice that if we get into somekind of visitation that he could try to stop me from going anywhere if i feel i can't handle doing this totally on my own.
The other choice: would it be illegal for me to go stay at my family's home, which is in Alberta, which they've offered, until we can come to an agreement, and after I've saved some money? Technically, I'd be restricting access, can that be called abduction if i just pack up the things that are most precious and go? What can I do? What are my options here? I've told him I won't fight for more money or spousal support, just the minimum child support, and to let me go to my family so that we can get on with our lives and he won't do it. I said that visitation should be decided by our child needs and not our own, as the law would state anyway, and she's too young to be bounced around from home to home, she'll need one home, and that will be with me. And if he wants us to stay in this province, then he has to plan to make some financial sacrifices as well,( Ie. spousal support) since I'll be giving up money and seeing my family. I know he loves our child, and I don't want to hurt him, but enough is enough. I can't live like this anymore. and at some point I have to put myself first in this, even if it means he won't like the outcome. He's told me if i go through a lawyer, he won;t be "civil" anymore. Also, I heard sole custody is best, can i do this before i move out, without a lawyer?
If I have to fight i will, but really i just want to move on. Can anyone tell me the best way to do this? Do I need a lawyer, and if so, then I need to move out, and apply for legal aid, and then I'd be looking for a new well paying job (which are scarce here) and then I'll run the risk of a judge making me stay. And I feel its wrong to jsut leave and catch a flight out of here. BUt what can I do? Where do I start? Help please!
New to this forum, and looking for some thoughts and advice right away. Sorry for the length in advance!
For a number of reasons, I'm ending my common law relationship of several years. We have lived together for at least 4 years and have 1 child together (who is almost 3).I am her primary caregiver and have done 90% of the childcare thus far. All assets, (house, car, cottage/land) are in my partner's name, all bought while we were together and were in his name because he felt i didn't amke enought to deserve it, and that my student loans (that are in default right now) might try to put a lien on the house. (i think he worried i might try to take it from him, since he openly doesn't trust me about anything.)
We live in Nova Scotia, where his family is, I have a few friends here and some extended family in New Brunswick,( but all the rest of my family and friends are out west, where I am from). My "Partner" makes about 55 g's a year while i make 20 g's (I have worked part time since our child was born in efforts to keep our child from being in full time daycare, a notion i may change now that she is more independant and for financial reasons). So, my "partner" pays for the mortgage, the car (I pay for 1/2 the gas) and the heat, and I pay for the phone, tv, internet, food, daycare and the child's other general costs. My "partner" seems to think in seperating i have no claim on any assets, he wants to pay $400 in child support (because "that's what he can afford" and any more would mean I am just being greedy since "he's not going to pay for me to live"), when i bring up the law, he says he doesn't care, he doesn't want to go through lawyers since we both can't afford it. His offer was that he will give me the minimum child support, and small payouts to cover the amount that I've contributed to his assets/equity ("minus the interest of course", he says), in conjunction with this offer, he wants me to sign an aggrement that I he gets to see our child 50% of the time( depending on our schedules..he's a teacher) that all decisions are 50-50 regarding her and that i will never move away with her from Nova Scotia.
I am from Alberta and I KNOW i can get a great job there, I have family there, and I could go there and make a better life for me and our daughter. If I stay here with here, its a big financial sacrifice but more importantly i won't have family to call on for help ( but HE will). I want to leave now, he can be horribly vile and verbally awful saying totally self esteem crushing things to me, and the next day asking nicely what's for dinner, then making a joke and when i don't laugh he gets rude and accusing about me being cold and wanting to be enemies when I can't be friends with someone who can treat anyone like that in from of their child and never apologise for it. We live in the country, and have only one car, (HIS car)...
So this, in my long winded way, leads me to my question:
If I find a temporary place to stay while here, move out, could the "status quo" issue be used against me ever moving away? would that make it harder if i wanted to move closer to my family later on, since i won't make enough money here to visit them even? I need to look for new work then as well, full time likely, and live in the city. I worry with this choice that if we get into somekind of visitation that he could try to stop me from going anywhere if i feel i can't handle doing this totally on my own.
The other choice: would it be illegal for me to go stay at my family's home, which is in Alberta, which they've offered, until we can come to an agreement, and after I've saved some money? Technically, I'd be restricting access, can that be called abduction if i just pack up the things that are most precious and go? What can I do? What are my options here? I've told him I won't fight for more money or spousal support, just the minimum child support, and to let me go to my family so that we can get on with our lives and he won't do it. I said that visitation should be decided by our child needs and not our own, as the law would state anyway, and she's too young to be bounced around from home to home, she'll need one home, and that will be with me. And if he wants us to stay in this province, then he has to plan to make some financial sacrifices as well,( Ie. spousal support) since I'll be giving up money and seeing my family. I know he loves our child, and I don't want to hurt him, but enough is enough. I can't live like this anymore. and at some point I have to put myself first in this, even if it means he won't like the outcome. He's told me if i go through a lawyer, he won;t be "civil" anymore. Also, I heard sole custody is best, can i do this before i move out, without a lawyer?
If I have to fight i will, but really i just want to move on. Can anyone tell me the best way to do this? Do I need a lawyer, and if so, then I need to move out, and apply for legal aid, and then I'd be looking for a new well paying job (which are scarce here) and then I'll run the risk of a judge making me stay. And I feel its wrong to jsut leave and catch a flight out of here. BUt what can I do? Where do I start? Help please!
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