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Feel forced to sign a Draft Consent Order (I don't Consent)

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  • Feel forced to sign a Draft Consent Order (I don't Consent)

    Here's my problem. Over two months ago my lawyer and hers came to an agreement to avoid a hearing on custody. I no longer can afford a lawyer. I asked for a copy of the agreement when I discharged him, which was two two months after the agreement was made, and he said he never got it. I asked my Ex's lawyer and I was sent a copy of the draft consent order, a copy was also sent to my former lawyer asking him to sign though I had already filed a notice of intent to self-represent. No one has signed the draft order as of present.

    I sent a letter to my Ex's lawyer and outlined some of the minor issues I didn't agree with in the order. She responded without addressing my concerns. She states, if I don't give my former lawyer instructions to sign it, or if I don't sign the draft consent order as it is, she would bring an application to enforce the agreement and would file an affidavit and will seek costs.

    My issues are the order is only in effect from 1st March to 30th June or until the matrimonial home is sold. The house is sort of sold- deposit paid with a close mid-june. We could be arguing about the enforcement of an order in front a judge within a week of the order expiring or being expired.
    This bothers me so I can't imagine what a judge would think?

    The draft order states My Ex is to receive the CCTB. I am filing a claim with CRA. This cannot be enforced so I asked it is left out.
    <O</O
    I agreed to 50/50 joint custody (she wanted primary care and I wanted shared) without a primary care designation. The draft order states this, but that my Ex will be primarily responsible for choosing the doctors, dentist and vision care providers. Am I stuck with this? My former lawyer said I would be responsible for making the appointments with a counsellor to help the children with coping with the divorce, which my Ex insisted the children needed (however within two weeks of settling this agreement she emailed me saying she thought now the kids were fine). I made the objection that I would therefore make some of the medical appointments.

    I feel my former lawyer basically sold this to me saying it is without prejudice and is only for a few months. However, up until this time I was making and taking the kids to all the dentists appointments. I gave this up to avoid the hearing as my lawyer said it would be very expensive for him prepare for. I am worried that this order will be used to establish a new status quo- it is with some prejudice isn't it?

    What do I do? Her lawyer gave me two days to respond or she will file an application. I never wanted to consent to giving up primary care of my kids. Already there are issues medically that when they are in my care I should be able to just deal with, letting her know of course, without having her to make the appointments. I was always the person in the past that took them to the doctors. Should I just sign the damn thing, or should I say I can't sign something I don't consent to, regardless of what was agreed to by my lawyer two months ago (there are no notes or signed minutes).

    I want to continue making some of the medical appointments (dental). I want shared custody. I don't want to irritate both her lawyer or the judge, but I do not agree with it. BTW I paid the child support that was agreed to, without having the order signed. I cannot get my head morally around signing a consent order that states things I don't right now consent to. Help!

    Sorry for the length of the post. I just wanted to accurately describe what's going on. <O

  • #2
    Help. Ok maybe I need to edit this down.

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    • #3
      It's a Draft Separation Agreement not a Order, technically it can be signed (with a witness) or in front of her lawyer and that's it.

      You both go forth and carry out your "contract" no need for even going to Court. You only file the agreement with the court if one party wants the FRO involved.

      They are right if you won't agree with some items in the draft why waste more money on chasing you around to sign it, they may as well waste more money and start from square one by making an Form 8 Application and the accompanying Form 35.1 Affidavit.

      Your a self rep now. Which will make things interesting for you. If your doing 50-50 now and it's in that draft agreement, then maybe by the first CC you can make those minor changes (I'd educate yourself on how both parents can be "primary parents" to REVCAN I think there's a Form)

      That draft agreement isn't going anywhere it'll be stapled to every court doc. All you have to do if the other party won't make or discuss minor changes, is just wait for the Application fill out the Answer Form with whatever else is required and go for the first court date and set up a Case Conference date

      Everything goes on hold (houses) money from asset divisions (put on hold in a bank).

      Agreements can be made ON CONSENT at Case Conferences, and if your reasonable there are no COSTS...especially if an Agreement is reached. It's there choice on the 10's of thousand they'll pay from start to finish on your minor amendments.

      Offer them mediation you'll pay for it. Just my thoughts

      Comment


      • #4
        It's a draft consent order not a separation agreement that is going to get filed with the court for the judge to sign. It is only good until 30 June at the latest then we are at square one. I don't feel good signing consent to something I fundamentally disagree with. I am still confused. But absolutely will study what you said.

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        • #5
          I still don't know what to do. Am I making too much of a big deal. Should I sign an agreement made two months ago that now I don't agree with. Help please.

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          • #6
            I'm not sure I understand what the issue is with the ex choosing doctors, dentists and vision care providers. Is there a specific reason why she wants to be named as the one who makes these choices, or is there a specific reason why you don't want her to do so? Does she take the kids to some flakey quack doctors?

            You can't really have joint custody if she's making all the medical decisions, so I would suggest sending the order back with a polite note saying that it contains contradictions - joint custody in one place, medical decision-making to one parent in another. The obvious thing to do is to resolve the contradiction by removing the medical decision-making part. Whether your ex will see this as obvious is another matter, of course.

            Comment


            • #7
              How about you suggest you will be the primary for education and she will be the primary for health/dental/vision?

              As the kid gets older, the medical stuff (hopefully) becomes less onerous - just routine checkups and minor stuff. But education becomes more important. It's a trick - give her what she wants at the moment, in return for a bigger gain later on.

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              • #8
                Why would you need to choose doctors or dentists? Surely your children already have these care providers in place. You stated you were the one making appointments and taking them to their appointments. I wonder why there would be a need to change these existing care providers. Unless you are both moving out of the city you live in now. I agree, send the agreement back stating that there is a contradiction in terms.

                But really who really cares who makes the dentists appointments. Let the dentist make them and whoever the children are with will take them. My dentist makes my appointments and I just turn up. And how often do your children go to the doctors. If it is for ear infection or something that just comes up. Again whoever is taking care of the children deals with the minor health issues. If it is an annual check up the doctor will give you a date and one of you take them. If it is a major medical decision such as a serious surgical issue, then both parents need to be informed. But really how often does that happen. Child breaks a leg outside playing or wakes up with an ear infection it does not matter who has what written down in an agreement someone takes the child to the ER and the problem is looked after. The parent then phones the other parent and informs them.

                Just rewrite the items so they are entirely equal.

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                • #9
                  Great replies and consistent with what I am thinking.

                  The immediate issue at hand is the Ex's lawyer is stating her and my lawyer came up with this agreement and I have to now honour it, two months after the fact.

                  Now that my lawyer is discharged, I don't know what was specifically agreed on. There were no signed minutes (it was all done on the phone). Her lawyer is wanting me to sign the order today as it stands or we go to court and she is seeking all costs given that this was what was agreed to and was worked out to avoid a hearing. Looking at the order I don't agree with it, regardless of what my lawyer agreed to at the time. I don't consent to what I see before me today. Lets say yes this is what we agreed to two months ago, though it is not, and I changed my mind two months later when I get the draft to sign. How wrong am I to backout now?

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                  • #10
                    I participated as a self rep in a Settlement Conference and reached an agreement with my STBX.

                    Shortly thereafter her employment situation changed which greatly impacted child maintenance. I asked to revise the draft Consent Order. It was rejected by her lawyer, not surprisingly and I refused to sign off.

                    She brought a motion before the court to have it enforced and at the hearing the judge said no and asked how I wanted it resolved. I requested to have it heard by the original judge from our SC, to which she agreed. It's scheduled for tomorrow, actually, I'll let you know the result.

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                    • #11
                      Ex's lawyer is putting pressure on you to settle. It is likely a bluff as they now know you are not represented so playing the heavy lawyer hand. Do not sign anything until you are fairly comfortable with the outcome. Reply back that you will need 2 weeks to go over the details, as you are no longer represented by Lawyer x. State exactly what clauses you have issue with, but do not go into specifics.

                      Then go through the agreement and include the details you wNt to see. Be fair and make sure it reflects reality of shared parenting and joint custody.

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                      • #12
                        qcfc88- In your case the draft order was made and there was a real change prior to you signing it. In my case there are no real changes since it was drafted. I am faced now with her making a motion to have it enforced. I just disagree with what is there and it is unclear to me what my former lawyer agreed to. Were there any costs awarded in your case?

                        FYI- The draft consent order I am dealing with states in summary:

                        - The parties shall have joint custody of the children.

                        - The children will be in the Petitioners / Respondents care (Mon-Mon) every other week and ever second week thereafter (we change around on mondays).

                        - The Petitioner shall be primary responsible for choosing and scheduling the children's doctors, vision care and dental providers.

                        - The Petitioner shall claim the CCTB.

                        If she chooses doctors dentist and vision care providers she can further build a status quo towards her having primary care. Likely this will help her maintain the CCTB. I was doing the dental and she did vision and doc appointment. It was working well, then I suspect her laywer got involved and said he will get CCTB if he can prove he does some primary care.

                        Since I notified her lawyer last week that I had some issues with giving consent there has been a chill in the air in communicating with the Ex.

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                        • #13
                          Of course there is going to be a,chill in the air. Her,lawyer has assumes that you will just sign as you now have no legal advice. But coming onto this forum you will get plenty of views. Put a sweater on and read and learn.

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                          • #14
                            The Petitioner shall claim the CCTB.

                            The above is rubish...tax law not family law and you have the right to claim it if you have 50/50.

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                            • #15
                              Wow. Today I go to pick up the kids as per normal. The three kids are ready. One is missing. At that precise moment I get an email from my Ex saying that my oldest daughter doesn't want to come home and wants to stay there with her mom. Talk about a chill in the air! She is denying me access. First time in a year! Within a week of saying I am claiming CCTB, refusing to pay for childcare (she was supposed to graduate in the spring and is "now taking courses for the summer") and that I don't consent to this draft order giving her primary care. I am feeling very concerned.

                              Comment

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