Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > General Chat

General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #11  
Old 03-12-2012, 12:01 AM
hadenough's Avatar
hadenough hadenough is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,468
hadenough is on a distinguished road
Default

I've taken the high road plenty of times. With no appreciation and still I get bad-mouthed by the ex and his (diminished capacity, lol) wife. But I don't care anymore - b/c I do it to impress upon my Son that it's the best way to be. I do not need or seek the ex's recognition. I really don't care one bit what he/they say or think. I care about what my son thinks/sees, and what he "sees" is clear - yes, he's made his very own observations on the shallow behavior and general bs, that he sees/hears at the fathers. PRICELESS.
  #12  
Old 03-12-2012, 12:17 AM
JB514 JB514 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 212
JB514 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
There have been a few posts on this forum, were the OP is told to pick their battles. I can't agree more with this advice, something so small is not worth the hassle just to not give the ex what he/she wants...
Thanks for sharing your positive experience, but such experience will stay only in my wildest fantasies. And will have to disagree with the above quote.

I did just that. Always tried to smooth things out, give in to stupid requests etc. All that in hope that I will continue a relationship with my daughter without conflicts and that eventually my daughter will see for herself. To make a long story short, instead of smoother ride, it became expected of me to do as she wished. In time my daughter grew up, and instead of realizing that I am always there for her no matter what, realized that she could treat me just like her mother. Why not? It worked for her mom right? So now its their way or the highway. God forbid I ever say something, let alone not do something that they want.... So I end up on the HWY : |
  #13  
Old 03-12-2012, 12:39 AM
May_May's Avatar
May_May May_May is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 519
May_May is on a distinguished road
Default

JB-how Old is your daughter? Could it just be normal teen attitude ?
  #14  
Old 03-12-2012, 12:50 AM
JB514 JB514 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 212
JB514 is on a distinguished road
Default

May may- she is 15 now, but this attitude is going on for 8 years now since she was 7. Pre-teen, teen or post teen, there seems to be no end to this in sight. Of coarse I understand that it all manifested itself (the attitude) so early, because the mother did not discourage it. But it looks like she would rather go on without seeing me for years than listen to me and respect me. Thats all I ask. Also, she does not allow same "teenage" attitude towards her mother because her mother will eat her alive if she ever treated her that way. But its ok for a dad who has no voice to them what so ever ; (
  #15  
Old 03-12-2012, 01:10 AM
May_May's Avatar
May_May May_May is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 519
May_May is on a distinguished road
Default

JB-I have the same thing. Our eldest son who is 13 can be sarcastic, rude, and non-communicative with me...never with dad. I have started counseling with him, and got some great advice the past week in how to respond to it. I will gladly share if anyone wants. PM me
  #16  
Old 03-12-2012, 09:16 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,370
Berner_Faith will become famous soon enough
Default

Of course the glitch of positive attitude may be just that...a glitch, however, it has only been the last 6 months that she actually started her acts... before this, her and I got along great, her and I still get along better than her and my bf... but I guess I am just that type of person, that if you hate me, I am just going to be as nice as pie to you, because in the end, you look like the dumb a** who is trying to fight with someone being nice

Either way, when we picked the kids up last night, she came outside and talked to me, totally ignored the Bf, gave me S6 report card, talked about what he had to work on and such... if I have to be the one to have a civil relationship with her so be it, I guess its better for all involved.
  #17  
Old 03-12-2012, 10:10 AM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,411
blinkandimgone is a jewel in the roughblinkandimgone is a jewel in the roughblinkandimgone is a jewel in the rough
Default

I think one thing we forget is that 'taking the high road' isn't about what you get in return, it's about doing the right thing for no other reason than it's the right thing to do. Be a good/positive example for your children and others on how to treat people, be the man/woman you want your son/daughter to be and let the karma train handle the rest.
  #18  
Old 03-12-2012, 10:30 AM
hadenough's Avatar
hadenough hadenough is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,468
hadenough is on a distinguished road
Default

Blink: you said what I was trying to say, only better. I'm far from perfect but trying to set the best example I can.

I'm responsible quite literally and solely, for helping to shape the mind and good character of a young boy. I feel bad that he's seen me fall apart a few times, seen me rail at times re: the boat I'm in - but even from that, he's learned compassion, respect and a strong sense of right and wrong. I acknowledge always, when I've reacted in a way that I shouldn't have. Anyway, the plan is: set a good example. It's not a contest - as I have no control over what the ex says or does.
  #19  
Old 03-14-2012, 05:04 PM
knackered knackered is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 197
knackered is on a distinguished road
Default

I agree with you Berner_Faith, it is nice to hear a positive story like that. In my situation, I have had periods like that with my ex....it seems just when we think everything is calmed down and positive, she stabs me in the back and puts us through hell again.

Example last March Break, she specifically asked if my girlfriend was ok with caring for our children, while she took off to Mexico. My girlfriend has an awesome relationship with our children and was happy to help my ex out.

Now this year my ex says she doesn't trust my girlfriend and she's not allowed to care for our children. WTF?

I got behind on child support when I got laid off/was making minimum wage for a time being--I owed her $4800. She gave me lee-way, said she understood, just pay her when I got a better job. As soon as I got the better job, I gave her $2000 up front and we made a verbal agreement that I would pay her the normal monthly child support plus an extra $100 to pay back the remaining $2800. (I thought we were at a positive point, anything negative in the past by this)
A week later---FRO contacts me, saying that she told them I have never ever paid her child support and I owed her $7000. They immediately started garnishing half my pay cheques. She got away with scamming me out of $4000 that way.

It's all good when it is something they want, on their terms, out of convenience for them. But they will turn on you in an instant!
  #20  
Old 03-14-2012, 08:16 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,370
Berner_Faith will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
Maybe the crash rattled something into place in her brain.
This has to be true...we have had this children since Sunday... she has been extremely nice the whole week... usually when we have the children she doesn't bother calling or asking how they are (which is fine as we usually only have them on weekends and she keeps herself busy).

However, last night I had the kids alone as Dad was working late... they asked to call Mom, she I sent her a text to see if she was available to talk... she called and spoke to the kids, when they were done, they handed me the phone and said Mom wanted to talk to me... so I spoke to her, she was actually interested in what we were doing with the kids, how their swimming lessons were going and our plans for the rest of the week. She thanked me for allowing her to call...

She honestly acted like we were friends, which is not something I am asking, but again, its nice to know we can be civil with each other. Its possible she was just being nosy, but who cares...if she wants to know what the children are doing and if they are enjoying themselves, who am I to stand in the way?
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:02 AM.