Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

S/c brief all lies.

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • S/c brief all lies.

    So settlement this Thursday. Just got the ex’s brief.

    He blatantly disagrees with all the OCL recommendations. But added in the few that were in his favour for access times. Lol.

    He listed all invoices I ever sent him for 2018. Then put that he paid half of all of them. When our agreement states it should be in proportion to our incomes. They actually quoted agreement but quoted it wrong.

    He owes $4300 arrears and his offer to settle offers $0.00

    He claimed sole custody, with primary residence. Then joint with week on week off... now he agrees to joint custody with EOW access. And one mid week visit and that he gets to chose which day and if he wants to Take both boys or just one.

    I have had sole custody since 2013. No material change in circumstance.

    Agreement is vague on Sect 7 and he did pay half of everything up until he moved his gf and 3 kids in his house.

    He claims he can only pay $500 total year towards fall/winter activity for two kids. ( he has paid half of hockey for last three years for both kids)

    He refuses to pay for summer camp and or spring activity. It’s one or the other.

    Limited therapy to $500 a year
    $200 year for tutoring
    $25 year for orthotics
    Refuses to cover any dental or other medical expenses.

    Refuses to pay for half of health insurance for the kids, but claims he has benefits and kids are on plan. But he has never offered up his plan info.

    I have sent offer to settle that is severable.

    He claims I can afford these things myself because I have a partner.

    He claims his partner has three children in the household and that their Household income is way lower than mine. Except he isn’t saying his partner choose to work part time. Get support from her ex and gets disability for her oldest child. Yet he hasn’t claimed hardship and wants to know what my partners income is.

    He included all sorts of expenses he hasn’t paid for. Saying he did. Just a list.

    Like how is a conference judge gonna react to this??

    Do I go through brief and refute line for line in court ?

    Ocl reccomemdwd caring dads for him. And therapy. He says he will endeavour his best efforts to attend but does not want it ordered.

    Ocl said in report he basically is a shitty dad who ignores his kids (in a nicer manner of course) and that the kids have no interest in anymore time than what they have. That they feel below gf’s kids and less important

    Oh and that her kids should be at their dads when he had his kids so he can give his kids the attention they deserve.

    Ocl said two non consecutive weeks in summer. He is demanding week about

    Ocl said he needs to be home for his access and to not levee the kids with partner for extended time. .

    I am just baffled at how he can just not even consider ocl recommendations and they were backed up by them speaking to therapists and dr’s for the kids

    Keep in mind we have an agreement filed with the courts.

    No material change in circumstances. Except of course saying I took away access and alienated the kids from him. No job loss.

    Sorry this is all mixed up and out of order. I am just beside myself with the lies bs...

    Not sure how to defend myself in court. Even though I have emails and communications to refute all he is saying.




    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  • #2
    Well I don’t have a ton of advice but I can tell you there have been many cases where the OLC reports have been thrown out so I wouldn’t rely completely on that. Search the form and you will find threads regarding these reports and how they aren’t always relied upon. The easiest way to settle is Joint custody and 50-50 if he is located in the same area as you. If he’s agreeing to joint and EOW then I guess that’s all he wants. I will say that fact that the OLC said his partner’s children shouldn’t be around when he has access is a red flag for me. They are now a blended family, all the children should be treated the same. The OLC shouldn’t be pitting children’s time against each other.

    What exactly do YOU want to settle with?


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
      Well I don’t have a ton of advice but I can tell you there have been many cases where the OLC reports have been thrown out so I wouldn’t rely completely on that. Search the form and you will find threads regarding these reports and how they aren’t always relied upon. The easiest way to settle is Joint custody and 50-50 if he is located in the same area as you. If he’s agreeing to joint and EOW then I guess that’s all he wants. I will say that fact that the OLC said his partner’s children shouldn’t be around when he has access is a red flag for me. They are now a blended family, all the children should be treated the same. The OLC shouldn’t be pitting children’s time against each other.

      What exactly do YOU want to settle with?


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

      I want to settle with things similar to how they are.

      Sole to me. EOW to dad. One mid week visit on weeks that follow no access.

      The children DO NOT want extra time and ocl pointed out all the reasons why.

      Dad doesn’t change even after told what he needs to do to make them want more time.

      I guess you need more history to know what has gone on.

      Why on earth after 6 years would I give joint to man who refuses to communicate with me?? Ocl sited it. He admired to ocl GF. Does all the correspondence.

      Kids reported being bullied by gf’s kids. To ocl and therapists. Reports dad doesn’t do anything with them. They are left to their devices with gf’s kids

      Dad doesn’t show to dr’s school app/events. Even after a year of litigation you would think he would be on top of those things. Was invited to child therapy. Ignored.

      Ocl reports mom is constantly having to advocate to have dad involved. Dad doesn’t engage even though he is offered to attend and participate.

      Ocl report won’t be thrown out. It was backed by factual information provided by third party therapists who have met with dad previously in one occasion. dr confirmed child’s anxiety is due to how dad treats said child.

      Dad is located 1 hr away from children’s school. He moved without notifying me of his move.

      The red flag should be why would ocl recommend her children not be there? Because she observed and my kids were ignored and left out of several things. They feel like they are competing for attention which they are. Attention wasn’t there before her kids came along. Now it’s even worse.
      Their words” we feel gf and her kids come before everything and the world revolves around them”
      That’s from my 11 yro who is sick of being an afterthought.



      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

      Comment


      • #4
        Does he have proof in it? No. He needs proof. She denied me access here are the emails. You have a report from a licensed technician. His new family means nothing. He is obligated to provide for her blood children.

        Stay calm. Consider this his opening offer. The judge will get him to where he needs to be.

        Breathe!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
          I want to settle with things similar to how they are.

          Sole to me. EOW to dad. One mid week visit on weeks that follow no access.

          The children DO NOT want extra time and ocl pointed out all the reasons why.

          Dad doesn’t change even after told what he needs to do to make them want more time.

          I guess you need more history to know what has gone on.

          Why on earth after 6 years would I give joint to man who refuses to communicate with me?? Ocl sited it. He admired to ocl GF. Does all the correspondence.

          Kids reported being bullied by gf’s kids. To ocl and therapists. Reports dad doesn’t do anything with them. They are left to their devices with gf’s kids

          Dad doesn’t show to dr’s school app/events. Even after a year of litigation you would think he would be on top of those things. Was invited to child therapy. Ignored.

          Ocl reports mom is constantly having to advocate to have dad involved. Dad doesn’t engage even though he is offered to attend and participate.

          Ocl report won’t be thrown out. It was backed by factual information provided by third party therapists who have met with dad previously in one occasion. dr confirmed child’s anxiety is due to how dad treats said child.

          Dad is located 1 hr away from children’s school. He moved without notifying me of his move.

          The red flag should be why would ocl recommend her children not be there? Because she observed and my kids were ignored and left out of several things. They feel like they are competing for attention which they are. Attention wasn’t there before her kids came along. Now it’s even worse.
          Their words” we feel gf and her kids come before everything and the world revolves around them”
          That’s from my 11 yro who is sick of being an afterthought.



          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


          So the main sticking point is he wants joint and you want sole? You both seem to agree on EOW... joint custody really only means major decisions regarding school, medical, etc... not day to day decision and even then if he’s not consenting to a major medical requirement he’d lose the battle, he can’t change schools or anything without your consent. I guess you have to decide how much you’re willing to spend to fight for sole when the reality is the decisions required will be few and far between unless your children have medical issues already.

          As for the other children, you have zero control over that. Your children are getting to an age where they will eventually be able to decide not to go to Dads often because of his lack of involvement. Just remember the report is only a recommendation and a judge may order differently. Dad needs proof of his lies or to prove a material change and if he doesn’t have that he’s not going to get very far. He’s not going to win with lowing CS or not paying reasonable S7 expenses so don’t worry about that... just remember though that not every activity the children partake in is considered S7... for some hockey may be considered S7, for others it won’t be. It all depends on income and CS.

          Just relax... judges see lies all the time and it will be up to him to provide evidence of such lies


          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
            So the main sticking point is he wants joint and you want sole? You both seem to agree on EOW... joint custody really only means major decisions regarding school, medical, etc... not day to day decision and even then if he’s not consenting to a major medical requirement he’d lose the battle, he can’t change schools or anything without your consent. I guess you have to decide how much you’re willing to spend to fight for sole when the reality is the decisions required will be few and far between unless your children have medical issues already.

            As for the other children, you have zero control over that. Your children are getting to an age where they will eventually be able to decide not to go to Dads often because of his lack of involvement. Just remember the report is only a recommendation and a judge may order differently. Dad needs proof of his lies or to prove a material change and if he doesn’t have that he’s not going to get very far. He’s not going to win with lowing CS or not paying reasonable S7 expenses so don’t worry about that... just remember though that not every activity the children partake in is considered S7... for some hockey may be considered S7, for others it won’t be. It all depends on income and CS.

            Just relax... judges see lies all the time and it will be up to him to provide evidence of such lies


            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


            Thank you for your input!! :-). Ocl said same thing to dad. All majors have already been in place and decided.

            He refused medical necessities...

            Has paid for and supported hockey for last three years.

            Says he owes nothing for Sect 7 that he has previously paid for then just up and stopped.

            Anyways you get the just of it.

            My 11 yro is dead set against more time. He is so jaded and doesn’t believe dad will change as he hasn’t yet to this point. I force him to go and it’s a struggle now. How d I sell more time. (Trust me I can use a free night once a week!!) kids told OCL They want it how it is. No more time...

            I am saying kids... daddy will be better and do fun things and spend quality time with you.... they both say ya right.

            Disclosure was a month ago and he hasn’t done a single thing to improve.

            Actually he Finally contacted one of the boys therapists to ask for a report of what has gone on. He also told said therapist he was not aware our son was attending.

            So I kindly forwarded them both the emails from a year ago where I notified dad. Invited him to attend, then passed on the phone number and ext of the therapist. He is trying to backdoor everything and make me look like I don’t ask/inform him. Where I have 100’s of emails that show different.

            He inflated all the Sext 7 I am asking for. So a judge may look at it and think I’m nuts. But those are not the correct figures.

            So hard to breathe and wait.


            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

            Comment


            • #7
              It may seem like a hard pill to swallow but accepting joint custody status may be what you need to do to pacify your ex.

              I offered up joint custody to my ex right away (same situation as you, status quo of multiple years with me as primary) and it got him to settle on a lot of other issues.

              If your ex is anything like mine he probably has his current partner in his ear telling him to fight tooth and nail for that joint status- as he should. But the reality of it is, after litigation settles down and he is done defending his pride, you will probably go back to basically having sole custody. I mean, unless you plan on changing up the kid’s schooling or anything else major, it’s not that big of a deal. You already have day to day decision making- accept the offer of EOW and joint and you still retain all power pretty much. Or roll the dice and let a judge decide.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Selfrepmom View Post
                It may seem like a hard pill to swallow but accepting joint custody status may be what you need to do to pacify your ex.



                I offered up joint custody to my ex right away (same situation as you, status quo of multiple years with me as primary) and it got him to settle on a lot of other issues.



                If your ex is anything like mine he probably has his current partner in his ear telling him to fight tooth and nail for that joint status- as he should. But the reality of it is, after litigation settles down and he is done defending his pride, you will probably go back to basically having sole custody. I mean, unless you plan on changing up the kid’s schooling or anything else major, it’s not that big of a deal. You already have day to day decision making- accept the offer of EOW and joint and you still retain all power pretty much. Or roll the dice and let a judge decide.


                Yes you are correct. gf is definitely driving this train.

                Control freaks. I couldn’t possibly give joint as each time I would need consent from them(her). And they refuse it at every chance. And then demand I give them more Information and they will think about it.

                Like kids leg is shorter than the other. He is in Pain. I tell dad drs app and to come. The. He doesn’t show up. Dr prescribes orthotics and physio and I notify dad. He tells me he can’t afford the 25$ not covered by MY health benefits that I pay for them. He says I need a second opinion and I need to jump through hoops to prove to him this is in kids best interest. And he does not consent!! As it’s above his means.

                This is his response for everything even with me having sole custody.

                Kids have played rec hockey. For three years. He has paid half for three years. Now all of a sudden he says no?? For what reason? Beyond his means. He paid it when living single. Now he is common law. Her kids and gf don’t come before his own. He put he had three other children to support

                Many more examples of this

                I ignored his non consent got our kid orthotics at my cost and look our kid is pain free and back to running/walking playing without constant pain.

                Ocl confirms I have their best interest. He does not.

                He would use joint status to deny everything.

                I offered extra time in my Sunday’s long fine ago. He says I purposely offer time when I. Now he is busy. Lol

                Ya he is kid free those days. So take your kids one on one.

                We would all love kid free days. That’s not the life of a dedicated parent.

                I offered Thursday’s for mid week. He says no... ( I know gf kids are gone to their dads this day). Perfect time for some one on one with his kids with the gf. Nope. He wants kid free tome again.

                So you see it’s their way or the highway on every point.

                Also he wants pickup to be 4:30 pm. On his days. So he expects me who works till 5 to provide childcare from bus till 4:30. Ummmm no way. How is that fair?? Get them from school or the bus!!! Just like I have to modify my work hours to put them on the bus in the morning because he ditched his kids a year ago. He has access each morning... to put them on bus. He confined for many months showing up late. Making me late for work and kids late for bus or school. So I aced it as it was a stressful start to the children’s morning standing in driveway wondering when daddy would show up. Now I miss 15mins pay each day to do it myself. But now my kids are happy and on time each day.


                He paid sect 7’s half of until the day he moved gf in. Then just flat out refused and stopped paying saying it’s beyond his means.

                Not sure how joint would ever work.

                Oh ya and he put clause in that if we don’t agree it’s up to the parenting coordinator. (Which costs money) he says he has no money yet he wants to pay for this????

                Another clause saying I can’t bring any motion to change until we have exhausted mediation or other methods. So if his pay goes up next year. (Which I’m sure it will) I can’t ask for updates child support ???? Nuts!!

                My kids are in hockey in winter soccer in summer. That’s it.

                One need tutoring for a year. That’s done. He is now and A student

                Other went to therapy once a week for a year. That’s done.

                Dad refused to partake in any of it.

                It’s just so obvious he is money motivated.


                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                  It’s just so obvious he is money motivated.
                  You, on the other hand, are so noble that you do not care about money at all.

                  Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                  He listed all invoices... he paid half... our agreement states it should be in proportion to our incomes.
                  Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                  He owes $4300 arrears and his offer to settle offers $0.00

                  Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                  ( he has paid half of hockey for last three years for both kids)

                  Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                  He refuses to pay for summer camp and or spring activity. It’s one or the other.
                  For somebody who is above money, you seem to talk quite a bit about money.

                  Oh, and of course, you want sole custody because he should have absolutely no say in the upbringing of his children in any way. You just want his money, but you don't care about money, except for the fact that you want it.

                  This should settle quickly.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Janus View Post
                    You, on the other hand, are so noble that you do not care about money at all.























                    For somebody who is above money, you seem to talk quite a bit about money.



                    Oh, and of course, you want sole custody because he should have absolutely no say in the upbringing of his children in any way. You just want his money, but you don't care about money, except for the fact that you want it.



                    This should settle quickly.


                    Your hilarious Janus. Thanks.

                    Your missing the part about dad not being a good dad... neglecting his kids emotional and physical needs and putting his new family ahead of them.

                    It is about money when he states “I need food and gas to live and have a life”. Yet when he was single and had all the time in the world he paid his fair share and didn’t want his kids any extra than the bare minimum.

                    Great he wants more all of a sudden. Fix yourself and the way you treat your kids and I am all for it.


                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Janus, this isnt a case about money per se. mom filed to get dad to pay his portion of expenses he had been paying for six years before he moved in with gf in another town well away from the kids to get them to school on time. Suddenly he stopped paying his share of the medical benefits, therapy for the kids, hockey and rESP. Didnt say I will fight to stop, simply stopped. Then when mom fought for it, he walking in saying “oh by the way, I want full custody”. He barely spent his eow time with the kids and now hes demanding full custody and to remove the kids from their habitual residence they have been in all their lives. Their ocl report, ordered because he wants custody, outlines that he should not get custody and he should attend parenting classes, therapy, therapy with the kids and not see his kids when his gfs kids are with them.

                      Yes mom2two is pissed about the money and I would be too. Not only is she having to shoulder all the financial burden but she is also spending thousands to fight a guy who wanted nothing to do with his kids until he got a gf.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        None of the issues you have mentioned above are joint custody issues. MAYBE the orthotic issue- but not really. They are all issues that you are going to face whether you have joint or solo.

                        Examples of Joint Custody Issues:

                        -Should Child go to private school or public school?
                        - should we treat child’s cancer with herbal teas and voodoo spells or chemotherapy?
                        - Child is not focusing in school. Should we put child on ridalin, or therapy?

                        Examples of PARENTING Issues that will occur between high conflict parents that can’t check their egos/don’t have an ironclad Access/parenting/s7 expense order:

                        - What time should child be picked up for parenting times?
                        - Who should pay what for extra curricular activities
                        - Who should pay what for necessary medical expenses

                        Other points of interest to note:

                        -His clause on “no motions to change until mediation” is directed at access/parenting etc. It has nothing to do with child support. Your order for child support should already have some sort of wording that provides for updates every single year.

                        -You keep saying dad doesn’t partake in any of the appointments etc. Which probably means that the joint custody thing will not be as big of a deal as you think it will. Give him joint custody and stop spending your kids college money on pointless bickering.

                        -Your main concerns seem to be s7’s. Get a FRO enforceable s7 order and stop dragging this out.
                        Last edited by Selfrepmom; 05-25-2019, 03:33 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Selfrepmom View Post
                          None of the issues you have mentioned above are joint custody issues. MAYBE the orthotic issue- but not really. They are all issues that you are going to face whether you have joint or solo.



                          Examples of Joint Custody Issues:



                          -Should Child go to private school or public school?

                          - should we treat child’s cancer with herbal teas and voodoo spells or chemotherapy?

                          - Child is not focusing in school. Should we put child on ridalin, or therapy?



                          Examples of PARENTING Issues that will occur between high conflict parents that can’t check their egos/don’t have an ironclad Access/parenting/s7 expense order:



                          - What time should child be picked up for parenting times?

                          - Who should pay what for extra curricular activities

                          - Who should pay what for necessary medical expenses



                          Other points of interest to note:



                          -His clause on “no motions to change until mediation” is directed at access/parenting etc. It has nothing to do with child support. Your order for child support should already have some sort of wording that provides for updates every single year.



                          -You keep saying dad doesn’t partake in any of the appointments etc. Which probably means that the joint custody thing will not be as big of a deal as you think it will. Give him joint custody and stop spending your kids college money on pointless bickering.



                          -Your main concerns seem to be s7’s. Get a FRO enforceable s7 order and stop dragging this out.


                          Thanks. Wish it were that easy. It is not. And we will have the issue about child having trouble in school. I can’t agree to $500 therapy a year when our youngest has been having issues at school and possibly could get a diagnosis.

                          He wants to pay 0 arrears for the last year. When there is an agreement in place.

                          Anyways I get what your saying. And it makes sense about the joint. Accept they will not see it or think it the way you put it About joint. They will demand every small task or issue go through them.

                          There have been several other issues that would take forever to type out. Thanks for the opinion.


                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                            Janus, this isnt a case about money per se. mom filed to get dad to pay his portion of expenses he had been paying for six years before he moved in with gf in another town well away from the kids to get them to school on time. Suddenly he stopped paying his share of the medical benefits, therapy for the kids, hockey and rESP. Didnt say I will fight to stop, simply stopped. Then when mom fought for it, he walking in saying “oh by the way, I want full custody”. He barely spent his eow time with the kids and now hes demanding full custody and to remove the kids from their habitual residence they have been in all their lives. Their ocl report, ordered because he wants custody, outlines that he should not get custody and he should attend parenting classes, therapy, therapy with the kids and not see his kids when his gfs kids are with them.

                            Yes mom2two is pissed about the money and I would be too. Not only is she having to shoulder all the financial burden but she is also spending thousands to fight a guy who wanted nothing to do with his kids until he got a gf.


                            Thanks Rocks!! No one else seems to understand or get it. That’s ok.


                            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                            Comment

                            Our Divorce Forums
                            Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                            Working...
                            X