Hey everyone,
I'd like some inputs on this situation:
2 kids, 10 and 14 (I am not debating child support if it has to be paid)
Cohabitation period: possibly 20 years depending on how it's counted
ie: 19.5 years if it gets counted by the time my name was on the lease or my official address was changed to our joint address.
20 years if you include the time I was crashing at her place as a student and for a few months as a "grown up with a job".
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) got worse and made life miserable, it triggered a bomb when I told her I wanted a divorce. "Abandonment" is the biggest fear of someone with BPD so yes, it was quite explosive.
She makes about 65k,
I make about 125k (and sometimes bonus / overtime).
The kicker comes from the fact that 3 years ago she ended up obtaining her disability retirement (genetic disease): Early Employer pension (small, ~13k / year) + CPP + LTD until 65. She is getting better (plays sports almost every day, was fine hiking on vacation, even dirt biked last summer...) yet is still on disability because of her genetic condition and the fact that she wasn't re-assessed (no way in hell it would be approved if she was to claim it now)
She never stopped working but of course her revenue (of 65k) is now "only" 75% of what she was earning before due to long term disability. She still has full health an dental insurance (~80% coverage?)
Equalization will take care of house which is paid and will be split, RRSPs will be split. There will definitely NOT be any undue hardship here.
Yet she claims that she "won't be able to pay all her bills (because she wants a 10 years mortgage, townhouses are expensive now!) thus needs SS because she will have no retirement, just a small pension (her RRSPs and house doesn't count??)". She wants the SS to be able to pay her house fast and invest into more RRSPs.
- Her income was not penalized because of kids
- I did not cause her disability (she's set for the next 20 years at 65k / year, then she hits 65)
- My income will possibly increase over time and once CS is done, the SS payments would go up drastically
- If cohabitation is indeed 20 years, this puts my lack of retirement in jeopardy because of the indeterminate period
- She also wants me to act as insurance to cover what her health insurance doesn't cover (which would have been covered by mine)
Her lawyer tells her that she is entitled to spousal support for an indeterminate duration.
Because of borderline personality disorder, everything is black or white. She sees her future dark (she'll be out of money even though her house will pretty much be paid for and she'll have guaranteed income) and I'm the one who wanted the divorce so I'm just trying to screw her over.
I don't mind helping a bit but this is ridiculous. And thanks to borderline personality disorder, it's always the "others" that are wrong so I get a bunch of nasty emails and phone calls here and there as well.
I currently see this as an open buffet... she can always get more and more until I die (after which she gets life insurance until she dies because having an expensive life insurance to guarantee this is part of the agreement) even though she says that "she will only ask for more if she needs it".
I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel and fear this will turn quite nasty because there is no reasoning with her: she feels that by not asking for 50-50 split of income she is making a compromise!).
Any advice? I feel powerless. I'm meeting with my lawyer tomorrow but figured that the more advice the better..
I'd like some inputs on this situation:
2 kids, 10 and 14 (I am not debating child support if it has to be paid)
Cohabitation period: possibly 20 years depending on how it's counted
ie: 19.5 years if it gets counted by the time my name was on the lease or my official address was changed to our joint address.
20 years if you include the time I was crashing at her place as a student and for a few months as a "grown up with a job".
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) got worse and made life miserable, it triggered a bomb when I told her I wanted a divorce. "Abandonment" is the biggest fear of someone with BPD so yes, it was quite explosive.
She makes about 65k,
I make about 125k (and sometimes bonus / overtime).
The kicker comes from the fact that 3 years ago she ended up obtaining her disability retirement (genetic disease): Early Employer pension (small, ~13k / year) + CPP + LTD until 65. She is getting better (plays sports almost every day, was fine hiking on vacation, even dirt biked last summer...) yet is still on disability because of her genetic condition and the fact that she wasn't re-assessed (no way in hell it would be approved if she was to claim it now)
She never stopped working but of course her revenue (of 65k) is now "only" 75% of what she was earning before due to long term disability. She still has full health an dental insurance (~80% coverage?)
Equalization will take care of house which is paid and will be split, RRSPs will be split. There will definitely NOT be any undue hardship here.
Yet she claims that she "won't be able to pay all her bills (because she wants a 10 years mortgage, townhouses are expensive now!) thus needs SS because she will have no retirement, just a small pension (her RRSPs and house doesn't count??)". She wants the SS to be able to pay her house fast and invest into more RRSPs.
- Her income was not penalized because of kids
- I did not cause her disability (she's set for the next 20 years at 65k / year, then she hits 65)
- My income will possibly increase over time and once CS is done, the SS payments would go up drastically
- If cohabitation is indeed 20 years, this puts my lack of retirement in jeopardy because of the indeterminate period
- She also wants me to act as insurance to cover what her health insurance doesn't cover (which would have been covered by mine)
Her lawyer tells her that she is entitled to spousal support for an indeterminate duration.
Because of borderline personality disorder, everything is black or white. She sees her future dark (she'll be out of money even though her house will pretty much be paid for and she'll have guaranteed income) and I'm the one who wanted the divorce so I'm just trying to screw her over.
I don't mind helping a bit but this is ridiculous. And thanks to borderline personality disorder, it's always the "others" that are wrong so I get a bunch of nasty emails and phone calls here and there as well.
I currently see this as an open buffet... she can always get more and more until I die (after which she gets life insurance until she dies because having an expensive life insurance to guarantee this is part of the agreement) even though she says that "she will only ask for more if she needs it".
I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel and fear this will turn quite nasty because there is no reasoning with her: she feels that by not asking for 50-50 split of income she is making a compromise!).
Any advice? I feel powerless. I'm meeting with my lawyer tomorrow but figured that the more advice the better..
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