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  #1  
Old 12-26-2005, 05:29 AM
KaHig KaHig is offline
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Hello, my name is Karen. I've been divorced a little over a year and found out yesterday that my ex is ENGAGED! My children and I are extremely sad and in shock. Why is it so easy for him to move on and I am still grieving? It doesn't seem fair. I had to completely start my life over and he just picked up where he left off. EVERYTHING changed for me, barely anything changed for him. I had to move, start working, he kept the house and kept on working, seeing the kids on a part time basis was normal for him. Not for me. I was a stay at home mom. Now I hardley see them. I hardley had a life outside of my kids and now I feel like I never see them. I am always working. Everything has been a huge adjustment and I am just churning inside at the news of this engagement!! Someone tell me it is ok. PLUS...things aren't going well at work...to the point of my job is in jeopardy! I really feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and my knees are shaking. I don't think I can hold up much longer.

Karen
  #2  
Old 12-26-2005, 11:34 AM
Aden Aden is offline
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Hi, look try and hang on, it must be very hard for you,,, I am the same way you are with getting over things, I still love my ex, but I need to be strong for our kids, and I cannot imagine how you must feel after hearing the news.
My ex, feels that she has more rights to allow me to even see our kids, and I was and still am, a very good Dad. You are still a great Mom.
It is tough but don`t let him beat you, look at your kids and keep it together.
I know my kids love me, and that makes it easier to deal with, you must be going through a very tough time, but it will get better for you.
I am told that my ex still cares for me but just cannot see me or even hear my voice, but I know that I did the best I could in our marriage even through the mistakes that I made, I came through being honest.
I know that I tried my hardest to be a good Dad too since our children are my life.
Look at all of the good things you have, and that you`ve done for the chidlrens sake, you will find that there is so much there. I truly feel for you and I hope that things look up for your heart and mind.
This board is a great place to vent and find answers, there are many others going through and that have gone through what you are feeling, hang on and look forward for yourself and your kids.
Take care,
  #3  
Old 12-26-2005, 11:34 AM
Aden Aden is offline
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Hi, look try and hang on, it must be very hard for you,,, I am the same way you are with getting over things, I still love my ex, but I need to be strong for our kids, and I cannot imagine how you must feel after hearing the news.
My ex, feels that she has more rights to allow me to even see our kids, and I was and still am, a very good Dad. You are still a great Mom.
It is tough but don`t let him beat you, look at your kids and keep it together.
I know my kids love me, and that makes it easier to deal with, you must be going through a very tough time, but it will get better for you.
I am told that my ex still cares for me but just cannot see me or even hear my voice, but I know that I did the best I could in our marriage even through the mistakes that I made, I came through being honest.
I know that I tried my hardest to be a good Dad too since our children are my life.
Look at all of the good things you have, and that you`ve done for the chidlrens sake, you will find that there is so much there. I truly feel for you and I hope that things look up for your heart and mind.
This board is a great place to vent and find answers, there are many others going through and that have gone through what you are feeling, hang on and look forward for yourself and your kids.
Take care,
  #4  
Old 12-26-2005, 11:40 AM
Grace Grace is offline
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It is absolutely normal to feel this way. It can take a few years to get over a divorce. It's similar to grieving the death of a loved one. Also feelings tend to heighten over the Holiday period and also through the long cold months of winter.

It's difficult being a single Mom working full time. Do you have family near by that can lend a hand?

Keep posting here, it's a great way to let out your frustrations and a great group of people, in similar situations. And no nasty posts like some other forums.

You can get through this, think about your children.
  #5  
Old 12-26-2005, 10:37 PM
god knows the truth god knows the truth is offline
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if he can disassociate his feelings so easily and be as cold to you (the mother of his children)as he was, then he very well could do the same thing to someone else. People like that are callous and you have to be thankful they've hooked onto someone else. Don't 4get that some people rebound into new relationships b/c (fill in a reason).
Sounds like your pride was hurt more than anything.
Any chance you could work from home? some ideas:
-do you type very well
-cleaning homes independently--you call the hours
-babysitting
-are you very crafty, or have a certain skill that can be enterprised

We feel disposable when an ex picks up the pieces so easily but hey...less havoc 4 you.
Good luck with the job situation however it turns out.
  #6  
Old 12-27-2005, 10:09 AM
Lisa Lisa is offline
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I agree, it is very normal to feel like that when someone you thought you would be spending the rest of your life with ends up making those plans with someone else. But, when you feel like this, look back at what brought you two to where you are now, and be glad that he is someone else's problem and not yours anymore. When I found out my ex moved his new girlfriend co-worker in with him I was livid. But then I thought about it and realized that hey, now he won't bother me anymore and I was definately thankful for that, but I feel sorry for her and what I know she will go through at his hands. All you can do is hope that he gets what is coming to him. Always think on the bright side. It could also be that he does not know how to do it on his own, he needs to be with someone kind of thing.
Call a friend over, have a good stiff drink, and like me, feel sorry for the girl who has agreed to marry him, and laugh about the "catch" she has. Chin up, this too is something you can and will get over. Good luck on the job front too.
  #7  
Old 12-31-2005, 05:17 AM
KaHig KaHig is offline
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Default Thanks for the replies

Hi to everyone! Thanks so much for the support. My, what a difference a few uplifting words can do to my spirit! Amazing things have happened since I wrote that email. I don't want to turn this into a religious forum, but I've really gotten back in touch with my spirituality and realized, AGAIN, that I had turned from God and was trying to handle life on my own. I end up a train wreck when I do that. I have handed my life back over to God and an amazing thing happened tonight. I went to my daughters soccer game (kids are still at dad's for Christmas visit) and was very dissappointed that my 11 yr old, Courtney didn't show up because I haven't seen her since Christmas. So, after the game I called my ex and asked him if I could take the girls (Courtney is 11 and Traci is 8, we also have a son, Jonathan who is 16 but he is off doing his own thing!) anyway, I asked if I could pick them up and take them for about an hour. So he let me pick them up and we went to dinner and had the best time. I also needed to go to the store so we had fun there too. The amazing thing that happened though, the night ended perfectly. I was pulling into the driveway to drop them off and a song came on the radio. A song the three of us learned at Bible School 2 summers ago when we were in the middle of this nasty divorce and custody battle. I was still living in the house with him and things were UGLY! I wasn't sure where I was going to be living, if I was going to get custody, where I would be working, $, etc. Anyway, when this song came on and we all started singing it together it reminded me how far I have ALREADY come in this 1 1/2 years since learning that song at Bible school. I have a job, primary custody of the three kids, a roof over my head, money to pay the bills and familly and friends that love and care about me. I'd say that is a huge improvement!

I know this thread is long, but I just HAD to share it with you. It might not impact you the way it impacted me, but God is so good to me and sometimes I need to be reminded of who is in charge.

AND you were all right whoever said he is someone elses problem now and she will get the same bull that I got! AMEN SISTER! Just wait until she gets left at home with sick kids while he is out playing with his "friends" and she finds out it is another woman. She thinks she found herself a rich man, boy she is in for a big surprise when she finds out that he spends every dime he makes and then some...and then some more...and then some more!!

OK, is there a limit to the length of a thread? I am going to get thrown off!! Thanks again to everyone here! I LOVE this place! I will surely be here more often!

Love to all!! HUGS!! Karen
  #8  
Old 01-03-2006, 10:45 AM
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hubby hubby is offline
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Karen,

Thanks for sharing. That is truly inspirational! Alot of GREAT things happen when you let him take care of things ...

So, what was the song you sang?

Hubby
  #9  
Old 01-03-2006, 11:39 PM
Hanging On Hanging On is offline
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Karen,
Amen sister is right!! I too am still reeling by my husband's taking up with someone else but when I sit down and think of how he is someone else's problem, it helps me a lot. I too still live with him and am filing for custody and am preparing for it to get nasty while under the same roof (PM me sometime and let me know how you dealt with this..). I too have a husband who makes a lot but spends almost all of it and now will have to dole out a big chunk in child support and alimony. The other woman is to be pitied I think!
  #10  
Old 01-05-2006, 01:53 PM
KaHig KaHig is offline
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Default Thanks for sharing

Hubby...don't know the name of the song, but it goes like this "Waves of mercy, waves of grace. Everywhere I look I see Your face." Without the music and a little help, I don't know the rest, sorry! But the moment really was inspirational to me and I have looked back on that moment many times since it happened and gained strength from it.


Hanging on....exactly my advice. Just hang in there. Find some good friends, support groups that you can actually GO to. I found one that met every night and believe me..I was there! My parents were great supporters. But most of all I just believed that God already knew what my future held and if it was ok with Him, then it was ok with me. All I had to do was have faith and keep doing the next right thing, pray for strength, give it to God to handle and everything was fine. I was unusually calm during those times. I know it was all God getting me through. It was after it was all done and I was on my own, in my own house, trying to work, take care of kids, getting sick, having emergency surgery, etc. That I ended up falling apart. I was trying to do everything on my own. I thought, ok, I am going to walk on my own two feet, be independent, and I can do this. Well, I was wrong. Nobody can do everything on their own. God created us as "pack mammals" for a lack of better words. We need contact with others and we need support from others. So, my advice to you is reach out, don't be afraid to ask for help! Take time for yourself, go get a massage, a facial or whatever it is that makes you feel good about yourself. Go have fun with friends. Just remember to take care of YOU!! Good luck to you.

I will PM you sometime too!

Karen
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