This is a long story, but I am going to try to just give some outline, and if need be, fill in spots to get any advice. So, I want to thank anyone that takes the time to read and/or respond up-front.
My ex (though not yet divorced) and I split up in August 2005, we have 4 children together (oldest is now 13) and they live with me. From Aug 2005 until March 2006 he never took the children for even an overnight stay. From March 2006 until May 2006 he took them twice for an overnight – but not 24 hours (pick up around 2:30pm Sat & drop-off before lunch Sun).
He did not pay any child support to help with the children, and in fact cost me money due to writing cheques on our joint account before I could get everything moved over to a single account. He had nothing being deposited, and used 2 different ‘payday loan’ places to get a ‘loan’ based on his pay slip, and did this at 2 separate locations thus getting twice the amount. He had given up the ATM card per request prior to this, but had hidden cheques without my knowledge. These came out of money that was needed for the children/food/rent etc. Plus, I asked him to leave inside of 2 months that we had moved to another place (rental), and he had taken money from the account that was to pay bills (the rent was paid up through August, but electricity, gas, cable, phone had yet to be paid since moving in June). All said – he cost approx $3000 in a period of 3 months with his sneaky ignorant behaviour. Hopefully this gives you a very small idea of what type of…person.. he is.
Now, I did take him to court the first time in January 2006 (emergency order), he was on his regular yearly lay-off from work, was given time to file a financial, no interim support amount given and a temporary custody order put in place (myself as primary). I attempted the legal aid route, but was turned down due to ‘cost of living’ cap reflecting ‘90s standards (ex: family of 5 would only pay $900, yet I pay just over $1100, thus they consider my having an extra $200 in pocket per month). I went to see a lawyer locally, he’s ‘sort of’ still my lawyer, he took all my info, I gave him numerous documents (bank statements etc – things that showed everything I was stating) – and some months later he requested a retainer (close family who live in the USA had initially agreed to help which is why I found a lawyer, and then left me hanging when it came down to it), so I have never been able to pay this to get help.
In July 2006, drowning in bills, trying to raise a family on my own with no help anywhere, the ex used his usual threats of how much harder he would make things for me if I did not agree to a 1 week on, 1 week off agreement (this was all verbal of course) as he was informed by his lawyer that 50-50 meant he would likely not have to pay support. Of course, things were at a lull, so the court matter was dropped.
Fast forward to May 2007 – his live-in girlfriend, who he since had a baby with gets charged with assault with a weapon on my 8 yr old son (latest update appears to be that she will plead guilty – she previously plead not-guilty). There is also a no-contact order in place. The ex has bothered with the kids only a handful of times since – he initially agreed to a ‘temp’ amount of $400 per month (yeah, for 4 kids) after feeling pressured from CAS. He paid a total of $800 from May to early September 2007. He stopped contacting the kids at that time as well. He made contact just before Christmas & I allowed him to drop off gifts, but he was not welcome to stay. A couple days after Christmas, he wanted to take the children to visit his family, but he was trying to convince me that the charges & no-contact order against his girlfriend had been dropped (which meant he was going to willingly break the no-contact order). I refused of course, and I have not heard from him since.
So much for this being short!
The point of all this is – initially I stupidly believed that I would be able to get something in place as far as custody & support were concerned, and then file for a divorce. Obviously, absolutely nothing is settled, and I would like to have it over with. I want sole custody, I want the support that the children are entitled to, and I want a divorce!
We have no property, owned no home, had no savings, stocks, bonds etc. We did some asset splitting – he took our very pricey bed, the 50” TV, the aquarium, oak stand, large painting, kitchen table, chairs, pots, pans, dishes, cutlery & such – so their place was pretty well furnished. I kept only what the kids & I needed to live (appliances for example, as this rental did not come with any).
Should I file for a divorce and have the custody/support dealt with under the divorce act, or stay on this path of getting no-where and wait for god knows when before the kids & I can just get on with our lives.
Any help at all is so appreciated, I am lost, alone, all I have is the kids & I, no other family, and I no longer know what to do.
Thank you
My ex (though not yet divorced) and I split up in August 2005, we have 4 children together (oldest is now 13) and they live with me. From Aug 2005 until March 2006 he never took the children for even an overnight stay. From March 2006 until May 2006 he took them twice for an overnight – but not 24 hours (pick up around 2:30pm Sat & drop-off before lunch Sun).
He did not pay any child support to help with the children, and in fact cost me money due to writing cheques on our joint account before I could get everything moved over to a single account. He had nothing being deposited, and used 2 different ‘payday loan’ places to get a ‘loan’ based on his pay slip, and did this at 2 separate locations thus getting twice the amount. He had given up the ATM card per request prior to this, but had hidden cheques without my knowledge. These came out of money that was needed for the children/food/rent etc. Plus, I asked him to leave inside of 2 months that we had moved to another place (rental), and he had taken money from the account that was to pay bills (the rent was paid up through August, but electricity, gas, cable, phone had yet to be paid since moving in June). All said – he cost approx $3000 in a period of 3 months with his sneaky ignorant behaviour. Hopefully this gives you a very small idea of what type of…person.. he is.
Now, I did take him to court the first time in January 2006 (emergency order), he was on his regular yearly lay-off from work, was given time to file a financial, no interim support amount given and a temporary custody order put in place (myself as primary). I attempted the legal aid route, but was turned down due to ‘cost of living’ cap reflecting ‘90s standards (ex: family of 5 would only pay $900, yet I pay just over $1100, thus they consider my having an extra $200 in pocket per month). I went to see a lawyer locally, he’s ‘sort of’ still my lawyer, he took all my info, I gave him numerous documents (bank statements etc – things that showed everything I was stating) – and some months later he requested a retainer (close family who live in the USA had initially agreed to help which is why I found a lawyer, and then left me hanging when it came down to it), so I have never been able to pay this to get help.
In July 2006, drowning in bills, trying to raise a family on my own with no help anywhere, the ex used his usual threats of how much harder he would make things for me if I did not agree to a 1 week on, 1 week off agreement (this was all verbal of course) as he was informed by his lawyer that 50-50 meant he would likely not have to pay support. Of course, things were at a lull, so the court matter was dropped.
Fast forward to May 2007 – his live-in girlfriend, who he since had a baby with gets charged with assault with a weapon on my 8 yr old son (latest update appears to be that she will plead guilty – she previously plead not-guilty). There is also a no-contact order in place. The ex has bothered with the kids only a handful of times since – he initially agreed to a ‘temp’ amount of $400 per month (yeah, for 4 kids) after feeling pressured from CAS. He paid a total of $800 from May to early September 2007. He stopped contacting the kids at that time as well. He made contact just before Christmas & I allowed him to drop off gifts, but he was not welcome to stay. A couple days after Christmas, he wanted to take the children to visit his family, but he was trying to convince me that the charges & no-contact order against his girlfriend had been dropped (which meant he was going to willingly break the no-contact order). I refused of course, and I have not heard from him since.
So much for this being short!
The point of all this is – initially I stupidly believed that I would be able to get something in place as far as custody & support were concerned, and then file for a divorce. Obviously, absolutely nothing is settled, and I would like to have it over with. I want sole custody, I want the support that the children are entitled to, and I want a divorce!
We have no property, owned no home, had no savings, stocks, bonds etc. We did some asset splitting – he took our very pricey bed, the 50” TV, the aquarium, oak stand, large painting, kitchen table, chairs, pots, pans, dishes, cutlery & such – so their place was pretty well furnished. I kept only what the kids & I needed to live (appliances for example, as this rental did not come with any).
Should I file for a divorce and have the custody/support dealt with under the divorce act, or stay on this path of getting no-where and wait for god knows when before the kids & I can just get on with our lives.
Any help at all is so appreciated, I am lost, alone, all I have is the kids & I, no other family, and I no longer know what to do.
Thank you
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