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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 04-21-2011, 11:37 AM
momof2girls momof2girls is offline
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Default New here .. question regarding final default order

Hi... I've been reading the posts for a while and decided to throw my story in for anyone to comment/suggest on.

I've been divorced for a couple years, seperated legally since 2004. I have 2 daughters... 8 and 10. I have sole custody, ex has isitation every other weekend.

Since last summer, ex went behind on payments and FRO wasn't doing much to enforce seeing that he was 'self employed' doing these events at local bars, they couldn't garnish. Once he received a drivers license suspension threat, ontop of a writ or seizure/sale AND a court date for him to appear regarding a defaulting on the CS, he finally made a few payments but is still in arrears. He has been in arrears off/on since the start.

The final default order states he must pay the original monthly amount and an additional $300 to the arrears. With the current arrears, it'll take him a year to get up to date. HE must start this as of May 1st. Does this mean it'll take FRO 35 days after May 1st to send him to jail if he doesn't comply? My ex seems to play with their time limits and gets around the drivers licenses suspensions and other actions when a few small payments are made. I honestly don't want him to go to jail, but it's been the only thing to smarten him into paying. He actually went out and found a full time job, first time since we split up.. and wages are starting to be garnished. He was under the thinking that he could do the self employment thing to get around garnishments. He doesn't feel the need to be working and supporting the kids. He told me he wanted to follow his dream of being a radio host instead of looking for work in the past. Life for him is 'all about him'.. he's very selfish and it's always about him.

When I went to court of the CS and access, I was granted sole custody and the judge had to ask him if he wanted to see the kids. All my ex was asking about was money .. never once asked about visitation. He ended up getting alternate weekend visits.

My ex's income was impuded back in 2008 when he attemtped to take me to court to lower CS but the judge found he was underemployed and was purposly fired from a really good paying job only 2 weeks after his garnishment started. He was trying to claim he only made $900 a month. So the judge impuded his income to the same as what I make. In all of this, the section 7 expenses were never dealt with, with the exception of daycare costs. He agreed to pay half. But he refuses to help cover the costs of dance, music and other extra activities. I have had to pay thousands of dollars to get them involved in things .. none of which he will help pay for. I don't think it's fair, but how do you change that so he must help? I've had to pay for their medical extra expenses and both of them will need orthodontic treatment in a few years, but nothing on paper that he has to help with half of that? NO idea how I can change that.

I must say that I never once have refused access over the arrears. At one point the arrears were close to 20k... but I don't want my children to suffer emotionally .. and visits continued... CS was seriously behind. My ex has been to court twice in the past 4 years for defaulting on CS.

My ex has remarried which I'm glad. They were in a place but when he came home from a carribean vacation (must be nice to go on a cruise when you are in arrears with child support) last December, he found he had been evicted from his place. He knows lives with his wife if a family members home. When the kids go to visit him, they have to sleep on the floor in the same room as them. Is it just me, I don't think that is right or proper. IT's been since January and no talk of them moving into a place where my kids will have at least a room to share. Any thoughts?
My ex tends to stay up pretty late.. and sleeps til 2pm. He tends to keep the kids up way to late as well... sometimes past midnight then lets them sleep in on the Sunday before they come home. My routine during the work week is getting them up by 6:45am and in bed by 8pm. He totally messes it up. his reasoning for doing so was that he would be able to spend more time with them.. and later admited that he wasn't putting their needs first and would try to change that. To date, this wasn't done. A month ago, the kids told me that the grandparents babysat while he went to work at a bar. He ended up picking them up at 3am and taking them home. I thought that was very wrong but again, what can I do to stop it?

My ex also owes me for court costs. Back when he took me to court to lower the support payments, but I won the court case... I applied for court costs and won. The judge ordered him to pay over 3k to me. I tried to have FRO add it to the arrears but they state it needs to be written in that court order that 1) it has to do with child support and 2) that FRO is able to collect it. Since those two things weren't on the judges endorsement, I am out of luck. I can take him to court and ask for a garnishment on his current work.. but I feel it would be incentive for him to quit his job.

One last thing... my ex refuses to provide me changes of employment.. I find out from my kids or people I know. The court order states he needs to notify me in writing within 7 days. It also states he has to provide me his last years income tax return by the June of the following year. I've asked him over 4 times for this and he refuses. He told me if I provide receipts for day care then he would provide that. Since he is self employed at the time, he would also need full financial disclosure of all documents to prove income. Is it really worth going to court over that? I think a judge would be a bit upset that he's not following the order.. but a contempt motion... not sure if I can do that myself and no funds for a lawyer since he doesn't help me financially other than maybe $180 a month where it should be over 1200.

My ex continues to spend money on electric guitars, video game systems, new tv's, trips ... but won't pay his child support. Makes me sick. He even refuses to buy them new clothes/shoes. ANything he has bought them.. is not allowed to go home with them. THey have a couple outfits they only wore 3 times because they outgrew them. Aren't these items the kids belonging and they can bring them home??

Any suggestions / advice on any of this would be great.

Thanks.
  #2  
Old 04-21-2011, 12:48 PM
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You sound really frustrated. Not sure I can help much with the questions but I'll give my uneducated input. You're doing the right thing by not impacting access because of the arrears. These are viewed as separate things by the judge and could compromise judges opinion of you if you start with that, not to mention it's getting your kids involved which isn't cool.

He should be helping to cover agreed section 7 expenses - daycare and medical I think are no brainers on section 7. Not sure about the lessons and what-not. I think you can even have a judge order it through FRO but then you'd need to provide receipts to FRO - maybe someone else here knows for sure as I don't have mine this way.

Yep, problem with being awarded costs sometimes is collecting. This is the real crapper. If you are going to court anyway, I'd ask for court order to garnish his wages for the court ordered costs. Not sure how you go about this if it's contempt motion or what???

If he buys clothes for them to wear at his house he may request that they be kept there. I wouldn't worry too much about that - let your kids come to the realization that he's being a bit of a jerk but you don't need to get upset about. Bigger and better things to worry about.

Provide daycare receipts as requested. He's entitled to them since you are asking for him to pay for 1/2. Hope that once provided he'll give you the tax information you are looking for and if not, seems to me it'll be back to court.

Not sure I was much help - not yet at this stage - but I could feel your frustration and wanted to at least say something. Hope someone else out there might be more specific at least on some of your issues.
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Old 04-21-2011, 01:11 PM
momof2girls momof2girls is offline
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Thanks for your reply. I don't get receipts from the babysitter... and the judge was told that in court.. and my ex is well aware of that as well. There wasn't anything in my court order that I had to provide him any receipts. If anything... the costs for babysitting and summer camps have increased.

You're right about not worrying about the small things.. my oldest is already saying things about him ... and I try to keep her positive telling her many times that her daddy loves her very much and that she doesn't need to worry about financial stuff.

My ex told my kids prior to his most recent default order that 'Mommy is trying to put him in jail'. He's always talking like that to them.. they are too young and he doesn't seem to care he's impacting them emotionally as well as financially.

I spent from 2004 - 2008 in court... I really don't want to go back... but I have to do what is right for my children.
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Old 04-21-2011, 01:19 PM
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So you don't claim the daycare for tax purposes? Not sure how this would work then without receipts otherwise how can you prove payments? If you go through FRO to get it, this might be a problem without receipts but I'm not too sure.

If your x is talking to your kids about adult stuff, it is certainly frustrating but he's just shooting himself in the foot. If you've got a good relationship with your kids and try to be positive about their Dad despite it all they will come to their own conclusion at a time when it's healthy for them. My x also does this kind of stuff but since there's nothing to do about it I just try to ignore it even though it kills me to see the impact it has on my child. Kids aren't stupid and will eventually get past all of this emotional trauma if they've still got one parent/home providing a safe and loving environment.

4 years in court already and more to go - jeez. In some cases, I think it lasts for as long as possible. He's trying to be difficult to make your life difficult. Do what you have to for your kids - take him to court you can self-represent. He needs to be responsible for the kids to and they have a right to be supported by him. But do your best to leave your emotions out of it and go on with life despite these difficulties with him.
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Old 04-21-2011, 01:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momof2girls View Post
Thanks for your reply. I don't get receipts from the babysitter... and the judge was told that in court.. and my ex is well aware of that as well. There wasn't anything in my court order that I had to provide him any receipts. If anything... the costs for babysitting and summer camps have increased.
With no receipts you have no proof of the expense or the amount of the expense. I pay nothing without a receipt from my ex, as that is good practice. You will have to find some way to prove to him or the courts that you are out of pocket X amount for child care each month. That could probably be done by getting an affidavit from your care provider as to their rates and then providing copies of cashed cheques for previous months equalling that amount.

You are entitled to receive your proportional share of the proven costs, after taking into any tax credits or deductions you are able to claim in relation to child care. If you are not claiming these eligible deductions, you should be (it benefits everyone) and if you are not claiming them because no receipt is provided, your ex may be able to argue that his cost be reduced by an amount equal to the amount you should have been claiming at tax time.

Also, are you talking about babysitting or daycare/before and after school care? Two distinctly different matters when it comes to reimbursement. Your ex should not be obligated to pay for babysitting, but is obligated to pay for daycare/before and after school care and summer camps.
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Old 04-21-2011, 01:25 PM
momof2girls momof2girls is offline
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Before and after school, PD days, March break and summer camp is what I pay for. I don't have a babysitter if I go out. I don't have a life outside of work and being a full time mom.

I just want his income tax papers as he's supposed to be giving me.
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Old 04-21-2011, 01:26 PM
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He should pay his CS.

The judge imputing his income to the be the 'same as yours' - that sounds strange - where is the logic in that?

You are expected to provide all the kids clothes as he is paying CS (yes, I know he is not actually doing that, but the FRO should make that happen eventually)

You should pay for extra curricular using his CS and your income, such as music, etc, unless they are extraordinary, which it does not sound like they are.

Medical and braces should be section 7.

Let the FRO deal with it, and don't worry about where he spends his money etc.

It is reasonable that he expects receipts or at least proof of the day care expenses that you expect him to contribute to.
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Old 04-21-2011, 01:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momof2girls View Post
Before and after school, PD days, March break and summer camp is what I pay for. I don't have a babysitter if I go out. I don't have a life outside of work and being a full time mom.

I just want his income tax papers as he's supposed to be giving me.
He is obligated to pay for those sorts of expenses, but you need to get receipts as you can write-off those amounts. That will help you by reducing the costs of child care. Let FRO deal with him relating to C/S.

He sounds like a bit of a douchebag for not providing for his kids and for putting them in the middle of adult matters.
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Old 04-21-2011, 01:43 PM
momof2girls momof2girls is offline
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My lawyer asked for 35k impuded income which is the same as mine.
The judge agreed that it was fair. My ex's previous job which he intentionally lost was over 40k plus bonus.

I don't want extra for clothing... just think it's odd he won't let them bring these items home so they can be used. Trivial matters but frustrating. Not worth worrying about.

Maybe people I have talked to just have nicer ex's to deal with. Their ex's pay half of these things. Why not help your kids out by supporting them in dance or other activities. I am not a high income earner and can't afford all the extra activities for them. He comes to all the recitals and events... and we include him. I want my kids to feel good that their dad is there supporting them.

Yes he is a 'douchebag'... lol... amoung other things.

If anything... I appreciate being able to vent and share my story.

Contempt motion may just be a waste of time but it's the principal. In this case.. is principal more than the costs involved in doing so? I'm not sure.

I want to collect that previous court costs order... maybe I should consult the people at the court house.

Thank you to everyone who replied and gave some input. All is helpful.
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Old 04-21-2011, 01:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momof2girls View Post
I don't want extra for clothing... just think it's odd he won't let them bring these items home so they can be used. Trivial matters but frustrating. Not worth worrying about.
C/S (when paid) is supposed to cover clothing. Having clothing at his place is responsible parenting on his part (you never know when the kids may need an extra pair of pants etc).

I have clothes for my daughter and my house. The only ones that go over to my ex's are the ones she wears home after my parenting time. Part of that reason is my ex doesn't provide me with any clothes, even though I pay C/S.

Although, should my daughter ever ask to bring something to her mom's house I would be fine with that. I mean, what kind of douche would I look like denying my daughter the enjoyment of something that is technically hers? Like, if I bought some shoes that she LOVED, and then told her she could only wear them with me......kids remember these sorts of things and it won't bring the person being difficult good karma....
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