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  • Email from my Ex wife Partner

    I'm looking for some help/opinions or insight on how to address this situation

    My ex and I are being legally separated over 7 years and on the separation agreement, states that I will have my boys (12&9) once a week and every other weekend although, over the last 5 years I've had them 2 days per week plus every other weekend.

    She has been living with her partner for the last 3 years and they had a baby but they are not married.

    I just received an email from my ex partner where he mention that he has changed his working hours and now I will be having my kids only once a week

    so what are your opinions and any suggestion on the steps to moved forward will be appreciate it.

  • #2
    "I just received an email from my ex partner where he mention that he has changed his working hours and now I will be having my kids only once a week "

    So your ex's boyfriend has had a change in HIS work schedule and HE has told you that this will affect the amount of time you see your two kids, is that correct?
    Last edited by hadenough; 01-08-2013, 11:50 AM.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by hadenough View Post
      "I just received an email from my ex partner where he mention that he has changed his working hours and now I will be having my kids only once a week "

      So your ex's boyfriend has had a change in HIS work schedule and HE has told you that this will affect the amount of time you see your two kids, is that correct?
      Yes that's correct

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by sprdad View Post
        My ex and I are being legally separated over 7 years and on the separation agreement, states that I will have my boys (12&9) once a week and every other weekend although, over the last 5 years I've had them 2 days per week plus every other weekend.

        I just received an email from my ex partner where he mention that he has changed his working hours and now I will be having my kids only once a week
        First off...do not listen to your ex or your ex's lawyer. Your agreement sounds outdated and you should get it updated to match the status quo for the last 5 years. Do not let your ex change the status quote because an out of date agreement says otherwise. Remember, you and your ex both agreed 5 years ago to deviate from the agreement and you have 5 years of proof that it was accepable to both of you.

        If your ex wants to change things now her change in work does not justify reduction in your parenting time. Did she provide you her new work hours?

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Canadaguy View Post
          First off...do not listen to your ex or your ex's lawyer. Your agreement sounds outdated and you should get it updated to match the status quo for the last 5 years. Do not let your ex change the status quote because an out of date agreement says otherwise. Remember, you and your ex both agreed 5 years ago to deviate from the agreement and you have 5 years of proof that it was accepable to both of you.

          If your ex wants to change things now her change in work does not justify reduction in your parenting time. Did she provide you her new work hours?
          The point here is that is not even my former wife who has changes her hours, it is her Boyfriend who changed his working hours.

          Yes basically, he or they are trying to take away one day.

          Thank you very much for your help!

          Comment


          • #6
            I would advise him that:

            a. While you understand he is a fixture in your ex's life, that any agreements/negotiations/discussions about your child will be between your ex and yourself. He is not a party to the agreement and therefore has no authority to make decisions that affect it.

            b. That as you have maintained the current schedule for many years now, you believe it is in the childs best interests to maintain status quo and it is your intention to do so.

            Should your ex have any issues with the above, you are willing to discuss the issues with the ex.

            If they try to unilaterally alter the existing parenting schedule, state, via registered letter and email, that you disagree with their unilateral decision to alter the existing schedule. That you believe it is in the child's best interests to maintain the current schedule as it provides the maximum amount of contact between both parents. And although the parenting time was not contemplated in the original agreement, both parties have provided their defacto consent to such alteration to the original agreement by their actions over the period of where you were entitled to exercise the extra parenting time.

            You may have to go to court or request mediation to update the agreement. Don't be surprised if there is a lot of push back.

            Are the 2 days a week overnights? If so, you have the kids 6 out of 14 nights, which would be shared custody....which I think has something to do with them wanting to change the schedule....did you mention this to them? Thus maybe cause them to switch his schedule so they can maintain full c/s?
            Last edited by HammerDad; 01-08-2013, 12:51 PM.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
              I would advise him that:

              a. While you understand he is a fixture in your ex's life, that any agreements/negotiates/discussions about your child will be between your ex and yourself. He is not a party to the agreement and therefore has no authority to make decisions that affect it.

              b. That as you have maintained the current schedule for many years now, you believe it is in the childs best interests to maintain status quo and it is your intention to do so.

              Should your ex have any issues with the above, you are willing to discuss the issues with the ex.

              If they try to unilaterally alter the existing parenting schedule, state, via registered letter and email, that you disagree with their unilateral decision to alter the existing schedule. That you believe it is in the child's best interests to maintain the current schedule as it provides the maximum amount of contact between both parents. And although the parenting time was not contemplated in the original agreement, both parties have provided their defacto consent to such alteration to the original agreement by their actions over the period of where you were entitled to exercise the extra parenting time.

              You may have to go to court or request mediation to update the agreement. Don't be surprised if there is a lot of push back.

              Are the 2 days a week overnights? If so, you have the kids 6 out of 14 nights, which would be shared custody....which I think has something to do with them wanting to change the schedule....did you mention this to them? Thus maybe cause them to switch his schedule so they can maintain full c/s?
              Thank you very much for your answer and insight.
              Yes they are overnights, in fact some weeks I have them 3 night/days epr week and every other weekend some month I have the kids up to 19 days a month.

              I think mostly has to do with them looking to get more child support and they have realized that at this juncture they can't get any Child support increase therefore they are trying to cut my days so they can have access to more money.

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              • #8
                What do you currently pay in cs? Full or off set amount?

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                  What do you currently pay in cs? Full or off set amount?
                  I pay in full

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    If you have documented proof via a log of the nights you have had your children, or that it is repeating every week, then I would be filing a 14B motion to have the current access schedule put into an order. Once you have that in an order then file for a reduction in child support.
                    Don't wait for them to reduce access, they have already warned you that this is their intension. If you file first, it shows the courts that you are serious about remaining involved. You can file papers, and then suggest mediation to see if you can settle.
                    Only you can know if you are able to negoiate with your ex. If deep down you know you can't then the only option is to file in court. It's sad to say this but if she is a High Conflict person, get out of her court and in to a real one.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by sprdad View Post
                      I pay in full
                      If you pay full, why do they expect reducing your time would provide them with more?

                      C/S is based off income, adjusted annually. So long as you are paying full c/s, a reduction in your parenting time benefits no one.

                      However, if you maintain status quo and seek offset c/s, than that may cause them to want to claw back any extra parenting time as they fear the reduction in c/s.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by involveddad75 View Post
                        get out of her court and into a real one.
                        Catchy line, I like it!

                        Don't bring up CS, just get the agreement changed. If they ask, tell them (verbally) that you will pay table support forever and ever. Once the agreement is changed, then you can go about changing things so that you are supporting your child directly instead of through the good graces of your ex.

                        You have 5 years of status quo after the agreement. As long as you don't let a new status quo take effect, the old agreement is almost completely non-binding in regards to your time with the children.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                          If you pay full, why do they expect reducing your time would provide them with more?
                          The thing is the ex probably realized that the status quo would allow him to apply for set off amount of CS, thus if they do nothing he will end up paying less money. By being sneaky and trying to change the schedule back they are trying to establish a new status quo so that he has no grounds to change to offset CS.

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                          • #14
                            I'm not really looking to pay less...although Im not willing to pay more CS when kids are spending 40+ % of the time under my care, I'm more than happy to keep my payments as they are at this moment BUT I'm not willing to loose my time with my kids.

                            this is the action plan I'm thinking to follow

                            a) Get a lawyer to write a letter and send it via registered mail to My Ex partner letting him know that if he contacts me again it constitutes harassment - tgis more to keep him out of anything and scare tactic.

                            b) File a 14B motion to have the current access schedule put into an order. It is a high conflict case I would have to bite the bullet and file it straight up to court.

                            c) File for divorce.

                            That way I can send the message that Im not willing to give away my statu quo and willing to fight it through the proper channels.

                            I know they cant afford a lawyer for a long "run
                            "

                            What do you think ?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Check out my list of tips I just posted today in the thread
                              'My wife dropped the bomb on DEC 25'

                              It has 14 things you should be going now, to help you get through this.

                              Comment

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