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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 11-11-2019, 12:27 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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Default Unbelievable turn of events

So for those following my saga, my exspouse was deemed special party just before the marital home was sold. His crooked lawyer and OPGT have been stringing me along helping themselves to the equity for the last 3 years. So guess what just happened??? My exspouse just passed an assessment deeming him mentally fit so the courts removed the OPGT and he has now fired his crooked lawyer. I thought this was an answer to prayers. I thought finally I can now be negotiating with him and settle and surely he doesn't want to remain homeless and is motivated to end this nightmare so he can get whatever equity is left from the home. Well I was so wrong. It's been3 weeks and he lacks the mental capacity to continue with this saga. He is trying to self-rep and it is not working out. He has not responded to papers my lawyer is sending him via email (he has no address!). We are supposed to be going to trial this month as soon as we are called. But, ex is not being responsive and is MIA. I have no idea what he is up to except he did tell my lawyer over the phone that he doesn't care about the finances, he wants joint custody of our children!!! He is not mentally fit, I don't care what a two hour assessment claims. He remains with no insight, is unemployed, homeless and unmedicated. So now he is costing me a shitload of money preparing for a trial that may not happen because he will not show up or will be adjourned because the judge will take one look at him and tell him to get himself a lawyer. Like shit! This is even worse than what I dealt with for 3 years with his lawyer stalling. Now he is the one stalling because he is not fit to deal with this legal matter. What do I do now????? On trial date can the judge just make an order given the unusual circumstances? He has no address, he can't self-rep, he can't have joint custody of the kids. He is as sick as ever. I have been at this since 2013. I can't take it anymore.
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  #2  
Old 11-11-2019, 03:03 PM
gettingexpensive gettingexpensive is offline
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You are not alone... take a look at this to know what to expect
http://fishermediation.com/media/pdf...ntsREPRINT.pdf
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  #3  
Old 11-20-2019, 08:30 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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I'm on the trial list waiting to be called within the next three weeks window. If my case gets called and ex shows up still self repping what is a possible outcome on this day? He has still not filed any papers and my lawyer could not even courier him my exhibit brief because ex didn't provide an address where to send them. We have not heard from ex at all. Clearly we are not prepared for trial because of ex's mental instability. Will the judge have any smpathy for me and not make the last few months a waste of time and waste of more money?? Can he just make an order in my favour and end this 7 year legal saga?
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Old 11-20-2019, 09:48 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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I think the judge will give him more time as he just fired his lawyer. That being said it is always hard to predict what a judge may or may not do. I think its a case of hope for the best...but expect the worst.
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Old 11-21-2019, 12:38 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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I’ve been at it longer than you, since early 2012 with not a single issue settled and my ex is catastrophically brain damaged. He has not yet been deemed incompetent, however his lawyer seems to think he is. I can appreciate the hell you are going through as my case has been going on longer than yours. I’ve also said I can’t take it anymore.

There are a few things I’ve found helpful to deal with the stress. Exercising like a fiend is better than therapy and helps keep depression at bay. Working on a project that has nothing to do with my ex or the litigation and looking forward to completing it and lastly,

A quote I saw something along the lines of kicking doubt and despair out as your travel companion and only having faith ride shotgun with you.

Another quote I like is

If something doesn’t go your way
Yell “ plot twist”
And move on

It sometimes helps me to imagine my life as a feature film and I’m the hero who is coming up against all manner of obstacles I have to overcome.

I also try to reframe the ongoing fruitless litigation as “Inconvenient “ or an “annoyance” rather than soul crushing, horrific, etc. Using words like inconvenient to describe what I’m going through serves the purpose to make the stress seem much more manageable and gives the power back to me to live a great life.
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Old 11-21-2019, 05:22 AM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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Thanks for the great coping suggestions. If I didn't have my faith that pulls me through I don't think I would be still standing. My friends tell me that if they didn't know the hell I'm going through they would never know by my behaviour. I thought burning all my money was bad enough but when ex dropped the bomb two months ago asking for joint custody I lost it. My biggest fear is ex getting unsupervised access. Currently he has supervised at a center which he has never been interested in since 2014. I'm sure he has been MIA cooking up some scheme that if we get called to trial he will drop this asking for joint custody bomb to the judge. Can he even do this if the current matter before the courts is regarding settling of financials? I get there is a cost with divorce. But why so much money lawyers have to suck from you? My parents have provided a roof over our heads. We are squished in a tiny home. My "bed" has been a couch the last 7 years. I'm forever grateful to my parents but this also means my children and I have entered the cycle of poverty never being able to provide my own roof for them. Before this mess we had our own home. This really hurts like hell.
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  #7  
Old 11-21-2019, 10:41 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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My ex assaulted our children and had supervised access. He too wanted joint custody. However, like your ex, mine didn’t think he should have supervised access and thought the way to go was not to exercise access at all. He didn’t see the kids for 21/2 years then wanted joint custody. The judge was NOT impressed. He got another order for supervised access except this time with no overnights ( his family had been appointed as supervisors which turned out to be disastrous). He again did not exercise access but continued to request joint. The judge wouldn’t budge off the supervised access order and verbally told him he was considering whether it was actually in the children’s best interests for him to have ANY contact with them at all.

The legal wrangling continued mercilessly as my ex had received a multimillion dollar accident settlement and his lawyer wanted to line his pockets with as much of that money as possible.

I ran out of money several times and have also had to self rep.

A judge will not even consider giving your ex joint custody unless he has fulfilled the conditions of supervised access for an extended period of time, transitioned to successful unsupervised access and a custody assessor has said its in your children’s best interests for him to have unsupervised. He can ask for a space shuttle to the moon, doesn’t mean it will be granted, let alone taken into consideration.
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Old 11-21-2019, 04:50 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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You have given me hope and more information than my lawyer has. All he said was that just because my ex passed a two hour mental capacity assessment it doesn't speak to his parenting capacity and we could ask for one Problem is I don't trust the system. My ex is dripping from psychosis yet he managed to fool a doctor. My gut tells me he just didn't say much and kept his crazy to himself. I worry he can also easily fool a parenting capacitor. I was assaulted by him in a psychotic rage right in front of our children hence the supervised access only. A protection order remains in place for me for which he also wants removed. Not going to happen.
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