Single Father+custody very lucky, advice to keep

[OfficeBob]

Any suggestions? I want to bury the chances of losing my ground.

Start of 2004...Separated, separate dwellings, week-abouts with children.
End of 2004.....I have weeks, mother has every other weekend only
mother moves out of town 40 minutes away.
Mid 2005.........Mother moves to another Province 1900Km away. Bankrupt
after I gave her most of the money from matrimonial home.
Amended Sep Agreement to show me Prim Custod Parent
Mid 2006.........I and the children transfer with job 3 hours away, set up
shop with rental house, school, clubs, medical etc.Life is
good.
End 2006.........Mother returns to Province but is 3.5 hours away with BF.
Periodically lend her the rental house and let her be wknd
Mom. No money ever exchanged, no Child Support from her.

Mid 2009..........Me and children move(final posting),new job, new house
purchase, new school. clubs, doctor, friends, etc. Now
mother is 7 hrs away. When she comes up, I toss her the
keys and I vacate for weekend. I never bad mouth her to
kids. Ex is an alcoholic, recovering. No I will never take her
back, Nor does she want to. Appears that she wants me
to raise kids. And that's what I am doing.

We are Divorced. Only have Divorce Order. All other matters have been settled "out of Court". We went to court back in early 2004 but she threw in towel after Lawyer cleaned out her RRSP. I did not use a Lawyer.

My adhoc Paralegeal says don't worry about seeking some sort of Custody Order. It will just stir up old feelings and trigger another battle.

If I was to seek an Order, how would I proceed? Do I have a rock solid "Status Quo"? I detest the court. Lawyers......don't even start...

Reading some of the accounts here I am stricken with horric memories.
I think I even blanked some out. I can't remeber all of the details. I went to court 5 times. Self Rep with an unofficial advisor. I was a man on a mission. I could talk all night about this.

To all of you men........this is your finest hour, breathe deep and grow a pair...your children need you.......you can handle it...Forget the Lawyer!

Sorry if I offended.........I am one lucky SOB!

Good Luck

[Edward]

Well that is one of the rare cases when mother leaves her kids and goes away. You raised the kids and are considered primary caregiver. But you have no court order. So if she recovered from whatever she was doing, she may come and file for custody.

Status quo no longer presume what is in the best interest of the children, even though it still plays a role. (At least here in Alta)

You may dislike the courts and lawyers but the courts make decisions. lawyers are there to help their clients.

If i were you I would talk to ex wife to see what are good arrangements to have it finalized in court, to avoid battles. But until there is an order from a judge, everything is still in the air.

That is my personal opinion. But it would be best for you to find a lawyer, pay him for the "discussion" and see what s/he thinks.

There is a forum member here who says he was primary caretaker for 5 years and then lost custody. But every case is different so good luck.

PS. If she is in any way a threat to the children and their safety, be very careful

[Edward]

Well that is one of the rare cases when mother leaves her kids and goes away. You raised the kids and are considered primary caregiver. But you have no court order. So if she recovered from whatever she was doing, she may come and file for custody.

Status quo no longer presume what is in the best interest of the children, even though it still plays a role. (At least here in Alta)

You may dislike the courts and lawyers but the courts make decisions. lawyers are there to help their clients.

If i were you I would talk to ex wife to see what are good arrangements to have it finalized in court, to avoid battles. But until there is an order from a judge, everything is still in the air.

That is my personal opinion. But it would be best for you to find a lawyer, pay him for the "discussion" and see what s/he thinks.

There is a forum member here who says he was primary caretaker for 5 years and then lost custody. But every case is different so good luck.

PS. If she is in any way a threat to the children and their safety, be very careful

And when I say be very careful, make sure your children stay safe.

[sufferer]

You are the CP and taking the full responsibility of kids but still I will suggest have some legal papers too.
I know a lady in the similar situation as you are and then one day he appears like a weed,took the son out for a day and refused to return him.Though she got the son back but after quite a hassel.Cops refused tohelp her as there was no court orders stating anything.As per the cops he was the biological father though appeared after 5 years and had a full right on the kid

[representingself]

Unfortunately, there is no such thing as "rock solid" in the family court system.

It's possible that the easiest thing to do is 'let sleeping dogs lie'...so to speak.

But... without a formal legal agreement regarding custody and access, something could pop up in the future where you would find those papers to be critically important!

Even simple things like getting a passport and travelling out of the country can be impossible without custody papers.

Even with a court order, your ex can up and decide at any time that she wants custody and she could petition the court for such.

Try to get things settled with Mom out of court, write up your own agreement and get it notarized. It would be cheaper and much less hostile!

Good Luck

[singledad99]

I am not sure if it is a good idea to toss her the keys to your place. I know you are thinking about your kids but it could also be used against you in future.

I am a lucky father like you or maybe more because my ex gave me the custody twice in writing (second time is a court order now). Although when we were together I could be easily considered as primary parent but it would have been close to impossible to prove that in the court.

I would suggest the same that representingself suggested. Draw a separation agreement, let her have independent legal advice and get it notarized. I agree that going to court might actually create unnecessary hostility and legal expense. However, once you have the legal agreement, get it filed with the court because without court order the agreement is not police enforceable.