In a bind, need advice ... FAST!

[hubby]

OK, hold the applause cause I'm back for later ... need some help from my friends!

Quick update:

Matrimonial home sold

Matrimonial assets divided to satisfaction

Equalization payment owing to me give or take a few thousand

They were going to apply for an emergency motion to have funds released from sale of matrimonial home to allow spouse the funds to purchase new home

Spouse still needs an interim separation agreement stipulating support numbers before bank will grant her a loan

If she does not have loan granted, she defaults on purchase of home and can be sued.

Dilemma ...

We have put forth following ...

Acceptance of lowered equalization payment

Custody of every second weekend and once on alternate week

Liberal access

That in June of 2007 we goto a 50/50 and offset amounts

That in Mid August we retain a third party lawyer to represent the kids to determine their wants - they are 9,7 and 4. Whatever the outcome of the arrangement, we base custody on that and support as well.

RED ALERT!

My friend says to FIGHT for 50/50 right from the get go. To take a stance and not move -- he has a warriors heart.

I'm afraid Defacto will set in irregardless of what interim separation agreement we have

She has mentioned that bank wants her to have minimum of 1300 support before granting loan -- hence reason for interim sep agreement.

Oh, she has a new house and car prior to any of this being settled.

I moved out two months prior from the matrimonial home to give her space and time to heal - thus suspending my custodial rights or something to that effect - it was to give her space - her outburst and yelling were increasing with me there.

My MAJOR concern is in signing an interim agreement that it may make for custody issues in the future difficult to change?

Could use some advice ... NOW.

Thanks

Hubby

[logicalvelocity]

Hubby,

My friend says to FIGHT for 50/50 right from the get go. To take a stance and not move -- he has a warriors heart.

I'm afraid Defacto will set in irregardless of what interim separation agreement we have

I agree with your friends opinion. 50-50 from the get go. Status quo is difficult to change.

I moved out two months prior from the matrimonial home to give her space and time to heal - thus suspending my custodial rights or something to that effect - it was to give her space - her outburst and yelling were increasing with me there.

At law you still have coextensive custody of your children, but authority to act is suspended. The courts will look at who has been caring for the children, taking to medical appointments etc. Offer to take children to same, attend parent teacher interviews etc

My MAJOR concern is in signing an interim agreement that it may make for custody issues in the future difficult to change?

I would request 50/50 upfront in the agreement. Status quo is difficult to change. If they are really sincere about 50/50 in the future, then they should be sincere about it now. Time is of the essence. People have a tendency to change their mind after the fact. Your ex, has additional pressure and it is to her benefit right now to have issues such as support settled to qualify for a loan. This is your leverage to get 50/50 upfront. Generally the courts will honour established separation agreements and are very difficult to change after the fact.

my advice, 50/50 from the get go with offset child support amount. Be sure to get your equalization payment at this time.

lv

[hubby]

Thanks LV.

Thanks LV for the timely input.

Seems my wife will be using my past conduct as not being a 'good/great' father against me to justify custody.

I can attest I was there, maybe not as involved as she would have liked - but I bathed them, fed em, played with em, took em to outings ... not involved?

Next, one can argue that if one of us were to pass away, barring no abuse or drugs, law would give preference to other parent to take over.

As well, it's know that many people's past perceived behaviors can change in an instant. You know, the guy that does drugs is in with the bad crowd, can become a changed person overnight.

Seems to be her argument that I was never there for them and this is the basis she is using to justify the every second weekend custody.

Hubby

[logicalvelocity]

Hubby,

Takes 2 to tango

Your ex's reasoning doesn't make sense. If this is her stance now for not having 50/50 up front, who is to say that in the future 50/50 is workable and at that time a status quo has developed and agreed to. To litigate or vary a change, you will first have to prove a material change of circumstance for your children even before the court would consider the change to vary a custodial regime.

If it was me 50/50 from the get go! You already mentioned your ex needs some immediate resolution to qualify for loan mortgage etc. This is your leverage!

These are your children and they need BOTH parent's in their life. Do you want to be an alternate occasional parent to your children? Ultimately the decision is yours to make.

In my own circumstances, I requested 50/50 from the get go as I always was a very active and involved parent. 50/50 has worked out well for my own child and to this day everything has been amicable. At the time for me, if 50/50 wasn't a go, I wanted sole custody as the alternative and was more than willing to litigate to the end for same.

lv