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  • #16
    5:41 pm

    Son came home with one Hot Paws Mitten please return the other one to my place so I have them for the winter. It was one I bought him for Christmas.

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    • #17
      FB:

      There's no doubt that your ex is...umm..."special."

      But just use this as an opportunity to decipher the things that are relevant from the things that aren't.

      Respond only to the relevant items...maybe just once...at the end of the day by email. If I were you, I wouldn't entertain her text fest at all. I'd answer only by email and I'd summarize it all into one sentence.

      ie. I received your 12 text msgs and will take care of the important items during my next visitation time with the children.

      Otherwise, enjoy hitting delete.

      I can tell you that it will get better with time and with you training her that you're not going to respond to nonsense so its pointless to sent it to you.

      It might take considerably more time than it takes to potty train a brain-damaged puppy but eventually she'll stop piddling all over your cell phone screen.

      Comment


      • #18
        section 3.21 isn't enforceable , its a 'feel good' clause to get the settlement through cause (i am betting) you wanted it , the lawyer probably charged you at least 1 hour of time to write that sentence knowing it isnt enforceable - they do know however they can bill you another 20 hours arguing about it ... cause thats what they do.

        think about it, what can the court do ?

        throw her in jail ? give her a criminal record so she cant get a job or passport or loan ? hold her child/spousal support payments hostage if she doesnt comply ? maybe give you equal parenting time like 50/50

        unfortunately not likely

        my x is suppose to send emails on child schedules/events - she sends nothing - same as holidays she just doesn't respond and stalls , its brought to the attention of same judge each year, my x is white collar no criminal record - court wont touch her , 1 of my friends who has a handicap was knocked to the court room floor in front of Judge by his x - court didn't do anything to her.

        all I can suggest is don't read or reply to her txts - don't reference them in emails, treat them like they don't exist - your sanity is important - get your settlement signed - focus on what information your not receiving as per section 3.21 and bring that forward in a formal documented way (when the time is right) so the Judge has to respond to it.

        be aware she might make section 3.21 an issue - that you don't cooperate , that her and her va-jj need to speak with you with whatever means necessary - that she's a victim in this settlement and get the costs of writing it up transferred solely to you - cause that's the way the system (doesn't) works.
        Last edited by pokeman; 06-18-2013, 02:07 AM. Reason: typo

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        • #19
          Well this worked like a charm.

          Communication is all by email now. She has calmed down and only sending relevant emails at this point. I've also only responded to emails that require a response.

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          • #20
            You've got the right idea.

            I would recommend that you not respond to things like the gymnastics outfit. First, what can you do? Drive over immediately with the other outfit? (I don't recommend you be at her beck and call like that.) You can send the other outfit over Friday without turning it into a conversation.

            When you respond, you are giving her what she wants. Like Pavlov's dog, she is being trained by getting her reward every time she does a particular action.

            There was nothing I saw in those mails that required any response. The only mails that will usually require a response would be along the lines of, "Can we switch Wednesday for Thursday this week" or "Can we change the drop off time Saturday?" Logistics needs to be acknowledged so both sides can make plans.

            A cut lip, an outfit, a bath, none of that needs a response.

            Comment


            • #21
              The other dynamic I notice with the type of behavior your ex exhibits is that it will increase/decrease depending on how things are going in her personal life.

              So you'll see spikes and lulls in the behavior depending on how involved, stressed, bored, etc she is with other things.

              Your response level should never change and in-time this does get a bit better. However, it will probably never really end. You're going to have to develop a methodology of dealing with the noise.

              Comment


              • #22
                Just wanted to second this. The amount of crazynasty I get from the ex varies directly with the amount of stress he's experiencing in his personal life (job, moving, new wife, etc). Once I figured that out, his behaviour didn't seem quite so random any more, and I was able to let go of worrying about what I had done to bring on the latest bout of unacceptable behaviour.

                Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                The other dynamic I notice with the type of behavior your ex exhibits is that it will increase/decrease depending on how things are going in her personal life.

                So you'll see spikes and lulls in the behavior depending on how involved, stressed, bored, etc she is with other things.

                Your response level should never change and in-time this does get a bit better. However, it will probably never really end. You're going to have to develop a methodology of dealing with the noise.

                Comment


                • #23
                  That's so funny

                  A couple days after the mass attack of emails I called her out on it in a joking manner. We both had a laugh about it. I commented that she must have had a bad day or something. I also told her that I would not respond to the crap anymore.

                  Things have been calm for the last week, but there has been nothing really to argue over. Our summer schedule is set and confirmed. I've also been very polite to her and her boyfriend.

                  My ex is bi-polar so it will swing back the other way at some point. The longer and smaller the cycles get the more stable she is. Hopefully the meds continue to work and it allows her to be a better mom.

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                  • #24
                    I just wanted to add some emails for comic relief.

                    So I got this email after telling my ex that I was no longer able to attend the used hockey equipment sale this coming weekend because I had to work.

                    Geeze thanks @$$hole nothing like passing the ####ing buck! You know it's not just my responsibility to attend this and buy that equipment! Your going to have to give me money for it all up front it's not fair.....
                    Here was my response

                    As per our agreement I will provide you the money within 7 days of you providing me with the receipt.

                    Otherwise, I will buy the equipment when I can and provide you the receipt and you can pay me within 7 days.

                    Also going forward I will not be responding to emails which include vulgar language...It's not really appropriate.

                    Thanks

                    FB
                    I got this email in response to the email I sent her advising her of the kids teachers names since I had them the first day of school. I also informed her that our D4's teacher wants a blanket for nap time and a change of clothes in case of accident.

                    I can't believe you didn't send her with a change of clothes! I see how it is are you going to send them for tomorrow or am I responsible for these items like always! I have her blanket at my house! If for some reason this blanket is sent home I would like it returned to me! It's the only blanket I took when I left. ....
                    I had to respond to this one.

                    I know I'm unbelievable... Good thing you're not with me anymore

                    If her blanket comes to me I will wash it and send it back to school.
                    Oh how I miss summer already. I only had to see her 3 times, and there was nothing to email about. <takes a deep breath>

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      I feel for you, mine is doing the same ridiculousness to me. And it's only day 2 of school.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by FB_ View Post
                        Oh how I miss summer already. I only had to see her 3 times, and there was nothing to email about. <takes a deep breath>
                        For some reason, the "back to school" seems to bring out the crazy, in crazy ex.

                        Honestly, probably no response at all from you would have been better.

                        I know, I know... I get sucked into the repsonses as well. Sometimes I think I need to respond with a "as per our agreement, we'll be doing this" response, but really, should we? I am conflicted on this. One wants to show, that we tried to clarify the agreement...but honestly, they know the agreement. I know I need to stop doing this. We think, we clarify the agreement, "therefore we'll do it this way", and the reasonable expectation is that they will respond "sorry, yes you are right, I didn't understand that", but we are dealing with unreasonable people. :-)

                        I try to not respond at first, and then if I get 2 or 3 repeated "crazy demands", I use the "as per our agreement" reply. Not sure that helps either though.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          FYI, this totally works by SMS as well: http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...68/#post146694

                          Simply download a picture onto your phone of yourself, or another picture, just like this one, and send that as your response to any ridiculous rants.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                            FYI, this totally works by SMS as well: http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...68/#post146694

                            Simply download a picture onto your phone of yourself, or another picture, just like this one, and send that as your response to any ridiculous rants.
                            Hilarious.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Yup. Some of my faves:








                              Really, what's an appropriate response to that via text - what COULD he say?

                              And what's he going to do, complain to the judge that in response to the verbal abuse and ranting, I send him cute or funny pictures? REALLY??

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Where's McDreamy's popcorn eating camel (or whatever the heck that was)? That'd be a good one too. Hilarious!

                                Comment

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