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  • #76
    Originally posted by Helpmyspouse View Post
    *sets reminder for 12 months*

    *opens bag of popcorn*

    *waits for it to all blow up*


    Now that is funny. I was going to post the same thing.. check back with us in 6 months actually and let us know how it's going.
    I certainly will.

    If nothing else this process will be an eye opener for my 2 boys on the lessons of life, and be careful who you marry, and make sure she has means and will to earn her own way....

    I wish I had a crystal ball.... because knowing what happens now....I would have asked for Divorce 20 years ago IF she quit her job!!!

    Comment


    • #77
      I’m going to (probably fruitlessly) repeat the advice you should be following 350 Mag.

      1. Hire a lawyer / stop agreeing to things without legal counsel.

      2. Hire a therapist.

      Comment


      • #78
        Originally posted by Kinso View Post
        I’m going to (probably fruitlessly) repeat the advice you should be following 350 Mag.

        1. Hire a lawyer / stop agreeing to things without legal counsel.

        2. Hire a therapist.
        Agreeing to what?

        50/50 of the assets of the marriage?

        Paying her substantially less than what a the MAX payment would be by courts. 30% vs 45-50% (what a ball busting lawyer of judge would want ).

        Having her leave the house with me getting the kids?

        She is taking 50% of assets and liabilities.

        I have been kind and understanding, haven't raised my voice...




        Where exactly have I screwed up?

        By letting her know I still love her?

        IF she turns on me....I cannot control that and ALL the legal counsel in the world isn't going to be able to do jack sh!,t.

        Because we were married for 23 years, she is 48, she gave up a 70k job and million dollar Government pension to raise my kids....I make almost ,80 k more than her.

        So whats a lawyer going to do for me?

        She is in the drivers seat....so to speak so I have to kiss ass!!!

        Comment


        • #79
          So whats a lawyer going to do for me?
          If you spoke to one you might find out.

          If your deal is as good as you frame it, making sure it lasts. Or maybe you're overlooking something obvious. There is a reason lawyers study this stuff all day every day, and are constantly learning new things about family law.

          I have no idea if any of this applies to you, but did you account for the debts or just give her half the gross assets? Did you account for disposition costs or contingent tax obligations? Was the income determination accurate, or did you impute some to her over the long run? Did you factor the date of marriage deductions, or any property that could be exempted from division under the Family Law Act (inheritance, gifts...etc.)

          A lawyer who gets to know the details of your story is in a better position to to protect you.

          Even if you take the 'kiss ass' approach, you'll be properly informed.
          Last edited by Kinso; 02-08-2021, 08:43 PM.

          Comment


          • #80
            Just to add to the other comments you've received....


            You should definitely consult a GOOD family law lawyer (perhaps ask around for referrals - also high price doesn't necessarily mean quality or high skill level).


            The whole thing is incredibly complex - as you've been advised...even if you've negotiated a great deal wouldn't hurt to have this confirmed.


            There can also be TAX implications to I would also suggest having an accountant review the separation agreement before signing.


            If things are amicable now, get it done asap. More than likely things will get worse between you as time goes on. You need to BOTH get an "independent legal advice" document signed by different lawyers to make it enforceable.


            As hard as it is, try to separate "emotion" and look upon it as a business deal - you want to get the best deal you can without pissing off the other party. Yes, try to avoid court due to high cost and unpredictability but not at the expense of a bad deal that could haunt you the rest of your life.


            I get you are emotional and upset right now - been there done that. But you need to think clearly over the negotiations right now.


            If you have over 60% with kids, she'll be paying you child support. Make sure you have a clear (but flexible depending upon circumstances) agreement with respect to post secondary education (who pays what).



            Equalization of marital assets is usually cut and dried. I would suggest your biggest concern is spousal support to your ex wife. Do your best to get a clear cut deal (to avoid future legal hassle/expense) and hopefully a SOLID termination date so this is not hanging over you the rest of your life.


            Absolutely, family law is horribly unfair (especially for the male if he out earns his wife). However, to be blunt, no one cares about if a guy gets financially abused, it's expected ! Try not to complain about it - no one cares (not to be mean but it's true) and you'll only end up alienating friends and those who want to help you - they will get sick of your complaining. I totally understand WHY you're angry - just trying to give you some advice.


            Yes, you ARE being punished financially for the "crime" of marrying the wrong girl but it's too late now. You just need to "learn your lesson" and make sure you don't repeat it. If you've got sons, warn/educate them when they are old enough to understand - refer them to education - have them consult with a lawyer if they are serious about marrying / living together.


            With family law the way it is, any male (or high earning female for the that matter) is insane to marry/live together. You can still have a long term relationship - just ensure both parties keep their own place and do not mingle funds. You can "mingle" other things though lol.....


            On the BRIGHT side (while it may be hard to envision right now....)....


            Assuming you're in half decent shape with a good job and personality, you will be AMAZED at the number of beautiful, fun, friendly single women that are out there looking for such a guy to date. Honestly, if I knew what I know now I never would have got married lol.



            However, you need to keep things together during this difficult time....


            -get a lawyer
            -try to stay calm
            -accept that you'll be screwed over - just learn from it
            -find an outlet for your frustration - refrain from complaining - it won't help and will just make you feel worse and push away your friends and potential future female companions.


            I'm willing to bet that a few years from now, whatever you have to pay out you'll consider "worth the price" for your new, independent life. Just ensure you don't repeat your prior mistake and get married or common law.


            Stay cool and best of luck.....
            Last edited by shellshocked22; 02-08-2021, 09:21 PM.

            Comment


            • #81
              I don't think there can EVER be a "termination" date for Spousal Support because of her Age, years together, the fact she left her career....all works against me....I am hoping when I finally afford to retire the amount will be reduced. In the eyes of Any judge or lawyer I am going to owe her to the day one of us dies....I have accepted that....just looking to pay the min. that will keep us both happy.

              My only hope is she remarries...and agrees in writing to terminate support in the event if Common law or marriage.

              From everything I read I am pretty much at her mercy.


              As far as tax implications.

              I know I can claim Spousal Support payments and she has to claim the payments as income? but only after it's a signed court document.

              There is no inheritance, no outside monies from parents or family.

              Our finances are ours 100%>

              We have combined debt of 2 vehicles.

              We are splitting that debt.

              The house is paid for.

              I am staying in the house.

              I have agreed to pay taxes, insurance, and upkeep.

              In exchange she isn't going to charge me rent.

              If I later leave the house and she stays there she will get the same amount of time rent free until we settle or sell.

              I am getting $500 back from the Spousal Support payment as per the calculator we used for child support.

              We are both happy so far.

              We are going to probably get our pension $$$$ in next 2 months.

              We can fill out the Seperation Agreements....

              Then take the paperwork to our respective lawyers....then I imagine the "fun" begins??

              Lol.

              Wish me luck.

              Comment


              • #82
                Originally posted by 350 Mag View Post




                We are splitting that debt.

                The house is paid for.

                I am staying in the house.

                I have agreed to pay taxes, insurance, and upkeep.

                In exchange she isn't going to charge me rent.

                If I later leave the house and she stays there she will get the same amount of time rent free until we settle or sell.





                Lol.

                Wish me luck.
                why in the hell would she agree to that???? It ties up her equity in the home that she could use to buy another house.

                Comment


                • #83
                  350 Mag is a story of caution to readers of this forum.

                  To future readers:

                  This forum is not your therapists office, you should care for your emotions.

                  A bit of proper legal advice is inexpensive and worth its weight in gold (full representation is a different issue).

                  Don’t agree to things without advice. You have no idea what you’re doing.

                  Many mistakes can’t be undone.

                  Lawyers get rich fixing easily avoidable errors from the initial parts of a file.

                  Comment


                  • #84
                    Originally posted by Kinso View Post
                    This forum is not your therapists office, you should care for your emotions.
                    Better to vent here than in a lawyer's office. Losing control of your emotions here is free. Obviously a real therapist would be even better, but some people cannot even afford that. (Also, therapy is hard to get during COVID)

                    350Mag has no idea what he wants. He loves his ex and he hates her. He has some wildly unrealistic expectations with regards to how the future may unfold.

                    I'm hopeful that reading responses here will moderate his views on likely outcomes. You never know, people tend not to back down online, but in real life they may take it into account.

                    Comment


                    • #85
                      Originally posted by 350 Mag View Post

                      I have been kind and understanding, haven't raised my voice...
                      ...

                      ...

                      Comment


                      • #86
                        Originally posted by Kinso View Post
                        Lawyers get rich fixing easily avoidable errors from the initial parts of a file.
                        I agree with Janus' point. But, I do have to give credit where credit is due. This is a very wise and honest statement.

                        I appreciate your contributions to this site Kinso.

                        Comment


                        • #87
                          Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
                          ...

                          ...


                          So I should get upset, call her out, get vindictive, be mean, air my dirty laundry to her friends and family or on Facebook?

                          Comment


                          • #88
                            No.

                            You should hire a lawyer for legal questions. And a therapist for your emotions.

                            Comment


                            • #89
                              I appreciate your contributions to this site Kinso
                              and thank you Tayken!

                              Comment

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