Bye Bye FRO

[LovingFather32]

Well, since you like the arrangement otherwise, I'd just politely ask your ex if she could refrain from trying to lure the child to her house on your parenting time or you'll have to make alternate arrangements. Does the school have a before and after care program? Your ex doesn't need to know how much you'd prefer to avoid these other arrangements.

As for the financial wording, can't you sign stuff outside of court, get it stamped, and then take it to FRO? Why withdraw and cause more headaches?

Yea, I guess there's no really polite way to tell her not to come to the bus stop with a bunch of kids to make D5 not want to go on the bus. I'll still have to figure out the least conflictual wording.

I've been on a waiting list for the schools before/after program. Doesn't look good.

Regarding FRO..I've had bad experiences. Very rude reps. They also messed up and said I didn't pay when I did, and began taking my gov't money. I just want nothing to do with them whatsoever.

[rockscan]

From what I understand when I looked into it for my partner, the forms are very straightforward. You both fill them out and sign, take it to the courthouse, I think it gets walked into court, rubber stamped and you have your order. THEN if she tries anything fishy you dont have to go to court, you simply provide the new order to FRO and then they stop the old order.

Remember who youre dealing with...a woman who coerces her child at the freaking school bus stop!

[Beachnana]

Arrears have been paid S&T. I no longer owe.

Also, in order to keep using FRO we would have had to go to court and get an order to vary the support. My ex was the one who didn't want to attend court and suggested that we drop FRO through mutual consent and I simply begin sending her the new amount.

Regarding the Welfare and double dipping .. I'm pretty sure that's what's happening also.

Why can you not complete a consent form and both sign with witnesses and then you can take it to the court. Your ex does not need to go surely?

[LovingFather32]

Why can you not complete a consent form and both sign with witnesses and then you can take it to the court. Your ex does not need to go surely?

Probably could do that.

If she ever wanted to take me to court for allegedly "under paying" when I'm not, when we have an obvious agreement and both our signatures withdrawing from FRO, boy would she be shooting herself in the foot.

Regarding witnesses, I think we would have to have the FLIC ladies watch us sign it or something. I'm not sure a friend or relative would suffice, but who knows?

[LovingFather32]

Just jumping on for some quick advice about the bus stop issue.

There's a bag that accompanies D5 at exchanges. What I usually do is drop D5 at the bus stop, then drop the bag at my ex's right after.

Lately, ex has been showing up at the bus stop in the morning picking D5 up, rocking her and telling her about all the fun she's having at home with the daycare kids. The result is that D5 at times wants to go play with daycare kids and not to school.

I told myself that if it continued I would have to say something as it's actually my parenting time. I was hoping that these were isolated incidents but I just received another text minutes ago notifying me that she will be at the bus stop again.

Things have been super amicable and easy going and I don't want to ruffle any tail feathers or prompt her to pull the "you don't want me to see my daughter" card, but I also want D5 to have a relaxed, content transition to school.

Any advice on how to approach it?

[arabian]

I have observed some people's children (in intact marriages) who play the parents against each other. This is usually called "manipulation" LOL.

Is your daughter coming home and telling you this? Why? Does your daughter want to stay with mommy instead of going to school? Perhaps by simply pointing out that she is a big girl now she goes to school and before she knows it (when she is age ##) she will be a babysitter herself someday. I'd handle this kind of like toilet training...

Your ex is a nut-job who is likely still stuck in the past and can't accept the fact that her daughter has a brain... is growing into a person... can't support her inevitable independence. You mentioned, many thousands of posts/threads earlier, that your ex had post-partum depression. This would simply display what happens when someone doesn't continue therapy with a qualified clinician as problems can arise later.

You are a good father and are empowering your daughter to be independent. This mere fact might be pointed out to your ex in a non-aggressive manner. I'm sure many people on here have some ideas (discussions about powerful, independent women). That is a discussion that would scare the crap out of your ex I'm sure. LOL.

[arabian]

One sure-fired way to start the discussion about raising an independent young woman is to start suggesting various summer camps for daughter. Good ones you have to register early for.

I'm sure your ex will freeeeeeak out at this suggestion.

I personally think that summer camps (winter snow-shoe camps are also good) are excellent for children. Kids learn how to eat things they don't like and how to go to bed without bed-time lullaby. IMO camp could be an excellent laxative to over-protective/suffocating mother.

[LovingFather32]

Yea I have to figure this one out. Some mornings my g/f drops D5 at the bus stop also and she has a hard time when ex is there too.

The stop really is our best option as it allows us to drop D5 and get to work on time. It's too bad that amazing routine has to be tainted by my ex's need to be there.

My g/f surprised me the other day and asked if I'd be willing to move to the other part of the city (where D5's school is), which I have no problem with, except I'll have to switch schools for my own employment on the board. But then at least I know the bus will pick up/drop D5 at our place on my time and my ex's on hers.

I honestly still cant believe my ex opted to stay home and make under minimum wage to facilitate all this. She complains that she has no computer, no printer etc but refuses to make what she's capable of. She's educated, bilingual and has experience working in offices, customer services, legal dept's, etc Boggles my mind.

[rockscan]

Does she absolutely need to be at the bus stop?

If not then maybe just politely ask her. "Hey would you please respect my time with D5 when shes at the bus stop? I dont infringe on your time with her and I would appreciate the same respect."

[LovingFather32]

Does she absolutely need to be at the bus stop?

If not then maybe just politely ask her. "Hey would you please respect my time with D5 when shes at the bus stop? I dont infringe on your time with her and I would appreciate the same respect."

No she doesn't need to be there at all. She's simply taking advantage of the fact that the bus stop is near her home.

She showed up again today. Not that I want to make a big deal out of it but it's my parenting time and I'd kind of like those last hugs before she gets on the bus. I don't want to have to deal with D5 wanting to go play with daycare kids. Again, not the biggest deal...but getting annoying.

[rockscan]

Then you need to just tell her. I dont interfere in your parenting time, please show me the same respect.

[LovingFather32]

Yea, I'm just trying to reword it without starting a war.

"If you don't mind I can put D5 on the bus on my time, as D5 knows that you have kids at your house playing with toys and sometimes wants to do that too"..

Something like that

[rockscan]

Dont give her an out by pointing out it may be more fun at her house.

"I appreciate you miss d5 on the days she is with me but I enjoy my time with her on the mornings I drop her at the bus. I would appreciate it if you would respect my time with her and did not interfere."

[paris]

Can't you put her on the bus at the next stop?

[LovingFather32]

It happened again this morning. Now D5 is not wanting to go to school again. This is getting exhausting.

I dont think I can put her on the next stop for a few reasons. I called transpo and they said no. Also D5's biggest excitement is seeing her bestie at that bus stop in the morning.

I suppose I'll have to chat with ex about it. That's never fun.