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  • Use of recorded conversations in court

    So, my case has officially turned into a circus shit-show. I have my Case Conference this week.

    I received the brief from the lawyer, and worse than the ridiculous Response (I'm Applicant), it's laden in falsehoods and bare-faced lies.

    However, because my ex's partner recorded all interactions in 2019, one such conversation has suddenly appeared in the brief as an unnotarized transcript of a conversation when I was telling her off for one of the many contemptuous and instigative things she's done for the past several years. In this randomly transcribed document, I called her names and yelled at her (no kids present). Whatever.

    My question is, can this kind of transcript actually be used at our Case Conference? If so, HOW? And also, can screenshots of texts where I used bad language about (not to) her be used? There is no phone number associated, no date, nothing. Just screenshots of my name (which anyone can create). I did text it but this was 3 years ago. How can any of this be used or allowed?

    Everything has just gone insane. The family court system really seems like a no-holds barred forum.
    Insights and experiences welcome.

  • #2
    To be honest, from my experience judges don’t even give shit like that a second glance in conference briefs.

    The judge is going to be looking at what your main issues are that need to be settled (custody/access/support), what you are proposing to settle them, and how far apart your proposal is from the other party’s. In and out.

    Plugging conference briefs up with that shit is only going to annoy the judge.
    Last edited by Selfrepmom; 01-13-2020, 07:22 PM.

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    • #3
      Although probably best practice to keep your emotions in check moving forward and only communicate respectfully with your ex via email from now on. This will get worse before it gets better
      Last edited by Selfrepmom; 01-13-2020, 07:24 PM.

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      • #4
        Thanks, Selfrepmom.
        I'm really hoping a judge will recognize that. If it's brought up, I will also draw the judge's attention then to the 2nd language that was used in the conversation yet was not transcribed. How do I know that bad language and threats weren't used in those 4 parts of the conversation...? And so on...
        And then there was the enlarged photo of one of my children with their dad's GF and her kids doing crafts and looking happy. Funnily, that pic was taken 2 weeks ago. I know the date by my daughter's outfit. Ha, it's too much.
        It really is a farce. Anything at all goes.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by JAAJ2016 View Post
          I was telling her off for one of the many contemptuous and instigative things she's done for the past several years.
          General rule: Assume that anything you say or write to your ex will be read by a judge.

          General rule #2: There is no point in trying to convince your ex that she is evil. .

          General rule #3: There is no point in trying to convince anybody that they are evil, think of this as a life lesson.


          My question is, can this kind of transcript actually be used at our Case Conference?
          Probably not, but even if the judge doesn't allow it, he will still see it. Don't ever say anything bad to your ex ever again. Problem solved. Next time you feel the need to rant, come this forum and rant.

          The family court system really seems like a no-holds barred forum.
          Insights and experiences welcome.
          It absolutely is a no-holds barred forum. Now you know. A good rule of thumb is to not say or write anything to your ex unless absolutely necessary. Anything can be used against you, absolutely anything.

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          • #6
            Janus, Thanks for the no-holds barred tips. Yeah, I was referring to the court system, not this forum. If people on this forum pride themselves on speaking overly directly at other members and 'telling them like it is', with or without any legit understanding of that person's back story, context, or even question, I see that as their adventure. Doesn't bother me.
            But, thanks for taking the time to comment, and at least offering some points of advice that directly addressed my query.

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            • #7
              I meant court, I was using your terminology .

              It is unfortunate, but "fair" is not a strong concept in family court. You need to be careful.

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              • #8
                Reminder: This is in a conference brief and it does NOT form part of the continuing record. Briefs are tossed at the end of the conference.

                Feel free to supply a brief that includes a statement that the sun is your favourite planet. That statement won't form part of your continuing record and even better the other party can even mention that your favorite planet is the sun.



                Conferences (settlement and case) are governed under the rules of settlement hence the reason the material is tossed. (See the Family Law Rules.)

                That is why opposing counsel is putting that stuff in there. A judge cannot make an order regarding custody and access at a conference. READ THAT OVER AND OVER. The only change to custody and access at a conference that can be made has to be ON CONSENT by BOTH parties.

                The only place a judge can ORDER something is at a motion or at trial.

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                • #9
                  Good call there, Tayken. Thanks for that.
                  It still makes me curious why there is a section on the brief that asks if there are any orders the party wants the judge to make, though.
                  T minus one day and counting....

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                    The only place a judge can ORDER something is at a motion or at trial.
                    To add to this comment, do NOT get stuck in endless cycles of settlement conferences when one of the 4 persons involved (either party or their lawyers) are being unreasonable. That's what bankrupts you and then you are stuck signing something to end the litigation or stuck self-repping.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
                      To add to this comment, do NOT get stuck in endless cycles of settlement conferences when one of the 4 persons involved (either party or their lawyers) are being unreasonable. That's what bankrupts you and then you are stuck signing something to end the litigation or stuck self-repping.
                      What do you recommend? It's pretty much at insane level at the moment. Both the other party and his lawyer have been exceedingly unreasonable since the beginning. To complicate matters, his lawyer is also representing my ex's partner, who is the ex-spouse of my partner (those two got together after we did and pulled all the kids into a spewing hole of nonsense for the last 3 years). So lawyer is repping a couple against a couple in 2 separate cases. Oh, and I'm self-repping (vultures, stay away).

                      Top that!
                      Last edited by JAAJ2016; 01-16-2020, 01:43 PM. Reason: forgot detail

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by JAAJ2016 View Post
                        What do you recommend?
                        I am not as experienced as others in this group so will defer to them to provide better insight. However I do have my own experience of going through 4 settlement conferences over a 2 year period. Each one costing thousands of dollars. Each one pointless. Even had the judge yelling at the other side for being so unreasonable. Does nothing. As others have said, nothing gets accomplished at these things unless on consent. Your briefs can a work of art and it doesn't matter as they get given back to you at end of day.

                        Some litigants do it on purpose to continuously schedule settlement conferences. Lines the lawyers pockets. Often used to argue a false a status quo. "Look, its been like this for 4 years and everything is working just fine..."

                        My advice: Work as best you can to get out of the courtroom saga. Do it for your kids sake, for your wallet's sake, for your sanity.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by LovingDad1234 View Post

                          My advice: Work as best you can to get out of the courtroom saga. Do it for your kids sake, for your wallet's sake, for your sanity.
                          But the problem is, once you start an application, they file one right back at you, so it puts the battle at a stalemate. No one can drop it. And nothing changes. Add anger or revenge or mental health issues, and you're screwed.

                          And so either nothing gets accomplished, or nothing gets accomplished and there is endless battling and everyone loses their shirt (financial or sanity). It's a real catch-22 that the legal system seems not to mind.

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                          • #14
                            Read the above post again then read it once more. Refuse to participate in any more than one settlement conference and put your foot down. Case conferences and settlement conferences will be never ending if one of the four parties is unreasonable. I have spent my entire life savings and then some (over $300,000) because my STBX and his lawyer are both unreasonable, uncooperative and stall every chance they get. Please, please, please head our advice. If you follow this advice, thereby screwing the family court lawyers and judges and other leeches out of your hard earned money, it would put a smile on my face.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by JAAJ2016 View Post
                              Good call there, Tayken. Thanks for that.
                              It still makes me curious why there is a section on the brief that asks if there are any orders the party wants the judge to make, though.
                              T minus one day and counting....
                              That is for procedural order requests. Requests for disclosure, financial statements etc... A judge CAN order child support if they have Form 13's and financial disclosure. Which are technically required by the rules. But, anything that requires evidence and cross-examination requires a motion or trial.

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