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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 08-14-2010, 12:01 PM
rossn rossn is offline
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Default Zero Access and Infinite Expenses/Support

Hey Folks,

Need some advice, I have been seperated for just over 2 years now and am having a heck of a time with it. My Ex refuses to make any sort of concessions and has held up lawyer meetings by cancelling or just not showing up. In the meantime I have been paying full child support based on 75k salary which in the past 2 years I have made 4k in one year, 30 in another and zero as of this year. She is refusing to re-examine this and has told me that it is my fault for not having a job. What are my options here.

At the same time the access to the children has been less than what I would call shameful, in the past 2 years I have been without seeing or hearing front he children for months on end they are 10 and 14 now, the interim agrrement states shared custody (50/50) if the children want to see me, however I suspect that they are being manipulated as some of the comments that come from them are well far more mature than they should be capable of.

I am at my wits end, by not seeing my children, not having any say in their physical, mental or educational lives

What are my options here, I feel as though I'm backed into a corner and the legal system is failing me at all turns

Old 08-14-2010, 12:10 PM
Mess Mess is offline
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Mess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the rough

You need to sit down and write out the reasons for your unemployment and low income. You need to write out how you came to be unemployed, the steps you have taken to find employment, the reasons you haven't been hired, what the state of your job category is, what is happening in that industry etc. You need to back that up for example with a report or letter from an employment counsellor. Depending on where you live there are many free employment counselling agencies funded by the government. You need to write this out as a proper essay/argument with a statement, supporting arguments and then supporting facts and details. This is your case, get it done and take it to a lawyer, or you can learn what it takes to do it yourself, many members here have done that and will help. You get a motion to vary your support order according to your income level.

For the children, you need a motion to enforce access, you approach this as separate from support issues, support has nothing to do with access and vice versa. She cannot withhold access because you don't pay support, you can't withhold support because she refuses access. They are separate. You go for a motion order to enforce access and if the children refuse you seek a motion order for the Office of the Children's Lawyer - search this forum also for "OCL" to investigate. Search "parental alienation". This is a big job, decide if you want to take it on, or decide to let your kids go. You have to decide. If you want to fight it, you can, and if she is alienating the children you can get court orders for counselling and possibly even get custody yourself, it depends on the seriousness of it. You have to decide to either deal with it or let it go, no one can tell you what to do, but if you decide to fight then we can tell you what it takes to do it.
Old 08-14-2010, 12:41 PM
rossn rossn is offline
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Thanks for the response.

I am self employed and used to have my own software company which is a whole other story but the past 3 years i have been consulting to various companies in north america. I had to end the last contract as I was in a serious car accident, this is the reason for the lapse in employment and have doctors certs and what not to back it up. I have also been looking for more contracts in the software sector in North america, but with the state of the economy and the fact that spring summer hit when i was actively looking did not help matters. For the most part the responses are that i'm over qualified for positions which I can see but does not help the situation. That being said, I have not swayed from paying support despite having all the debt and one of the matrimonial homes (that has a mortgage, she has a new loan free truck and a mortgage free home). I have only been able to sustain this by selling off my assets (so far 2 cars and some other personal items as well as rrsp's)

With regards to the children, they know far too much of the situation, I recently had my daughter tell me they can't go to camp cause Im not paying spousal support, she has a job and no debt but is looking to have me pay 5k/month in child and spousal support) as well as 70% of all expenses, trivial or not (camp, womans gym, guitar lessons, school lunch, trips, and holidays)

I might add that since the separation I have not had a holiday with the children and did not even see them on fathers day this year. I have had zero correnspondance with her or the lawyer despite trying, get no responses.

My lawyer (whom I've spent about 35k on now) has informed them that this is done and we are off to court

I'm not trying to get out of my obligations, but I want my kids back in my life and sick of the BS that has arisen since I chose to leave my ex

Thanks Again

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parental alienation, sepration, visitation schedule

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