Hello all,
I was hoping to get some advice/guidance regarding my current circumstances as I’m in a situation where I really feel like a prisoner in my own home and am unsure as to what direction to take. My situation is as follows. I apologize for the length.
I ended my common-law relationship of 4.5 years (together 5.5) at the very beginning of October 2013. My ex and I have 2 children together ages 4 and 2. We also have custody of his 7 yr old son from a previous relationship and receive no CS. Since ending the relationship I have been the sole person to pay for all of the bills. He contributes nothing financially. I pay the mortgage, taxes, all utilities, insurance (both house and for each of our vehicles), cable, Internet, phone (his AND mine). I also pay for food and gas etc.
In the 5 years we were together he was either laid off or was fired at least once a year from his job as a mechanic. He claims that this is due to his ADHD. Upon discovering that I was pregnant with our second child we decided to purchase a house. The only contribution from him in this process was to call a mortgage broker and show up to sign the papers once the purchase was made. I provided the down payment of $20,000 via first time homebuyer plan using my RRSP. In addition to this, I paid all the legal fees, the outstanding taxes for the year, and all deposits for utilities. Since that purchase 2.5 yrs ago, I have paid all of the mortgage, taxes and insurance payments myself and can prove all of this via my personal bank account statements etc. This is including while I was on maternity leave.
When I was scheduled to return to work from mat leave I was laid off as my role had been off-shored. I subsequently used my entire severance package to continue paying the mortgage. While I looked for alternate employment, my ex decided to quit being a mechanic because he “just didn’t like it” (against my better judgment and requests) and took a job paying half, leaving me to not only find a job but to find one that made up the difference in money coming into the house. In this time I exhausted my entire severance package and was forced to withdraw from RRSP to pay the mortgage etc. When this too had been exhausted I finally found a job at the last minute and had to delay withdrawal of my mortgage payment by 15 days and pay 2 payments in a single month.
My ex was ultimately laid off from the position he took paying half after only 6 months when he claimed that he had developed “tennis elbow” and that the modified duties the company provided was not sufficiently accommodating his injury. He managed to successfully submit a claim to WSIB and has been off work since June of 2013 and receiving payment from WSIB.
When it was clear that he had no intentions of taking any steps to facilitate his departure from our home (Nov) I told him that he needed to start making some plans. He insisted that I needed to buy him out of the house. After 2 yrs there is no equity in the home nor has it increased in value in that time. And since I have been the sole contributor I really don’t feel that he has any entitlement. I calculated the cost to sell the house, legal fees, and factored in that I would want my down payment back. I provided the numbers to him for 3 different potential sale prices for the home and was even overly generous and provided the numbers should we somehow manage to make $15,000 more than what we paid (wouldn’t happen right now with the market and the condition of the home). The most generous numbers would have left us with about $1250 each (this didn’t even factor in the cost to break the mortgage). I told him that I would pay all the bills in the house in addition to the mortgage to allow him to save for first and last months rent to secure his own living arrangements. Additionally, I offered him 75% of the contents of the home (90% is actually mine). The money he would save in half the house costs is more than double the “buy out” figure above. It is now January and he has not saved anything and still has no intention of leaving.
In November he met another woman and has been dating her since meeting. Not only has he been freeloading off me, not looking for employment, not saving any money, he has been leaving several times a week for overnight visits with this woman, leaving me to be responsible for HIS son. Beyond that, he has also been bringing this woman into my home and around my small children while I am away at work (I work 12 hr shifts that alternate between days and nights).
There is SOOOOO much more crap that he has been pulling on me that I haven’t even mentioned and I feel trapped and unable to move on with my life. I don’t know how to get him to stand up on his own two feet and start taking responsibility for himself and his circumstance. His sense of entitlement extreme and he uses the fact that I broke up with him as justification for everything he does. How the hell can I get this leach out of my life before he sucks me dry of everything I’ve worked for and my livelihood? I just want to move on and do so with that which I worked my ass off for and earned.
I was hoping to get some advice/guidance regarding my current circumstances as I’m in a situation where I really feel like a prisoner in my own home and am unsure as to what direction to take. My situation is as follows. I apologize for the length.
I ended my common-law relationship of 4.5 years (together 5.5) at the very beginning of October 2013. My ex and I have 2 children together ages 4 and 2. We also have custody of his 7 yr old son from a previous relationship and receive no CS. Since ending the relationship I have been the sole person to pay for all of the bills. He contributes nothing financially. I pay the mortgage, taxes, all utilities, insurance (both house and for each of our vehicles), cable, Internet, phone (his AND mine). I also pay for food and gas etc.
In the 5 years we were together he was either laid off or was fired at least once a year from his job as a mechanic. He claims that this is due to his ADHD. Upon discovering that I was pregnant with our second child we decided to purchase a house. The only contribution from him in this process was to call a mortgage broker and show up to sign the papers once the purchase was made. I provided the down payment of $20,000 via first time homebuyer plan using my RRSP. In addition to this, I paid all the legal fees, the outstanding taxes for the year, and all deposits for utilities. Since that purchase 2.5 yrs ago, I have paid all of the mortgage, taxes and insurance payments myself and can prove all of this via my personal bank account statements etc. This is including while I was on maternity leave.
When I was scheduled to return to work from mat leave I was laid off as my role had been off-shored. I subsequently used my entire severance package to continue paying the mortgage. While I looked for alternate employment, my ex decided to quit being a mechanic because he “just didn’t like it” (against my better judgment and requests) and took a job paying half, leaving me to not only find a job but to find one that made up the difference in money coming into the house. In this time I exhausted my entire severance package and was forced to withdraw from RRSP to pay the mortgage etc. When this too had been exhausted I finally found a job at the last minute and had to delay withdrawal of my mortgage payment by 15 days and pay 2 payments in a single month.
My ex was ultimately laid off from the position he took paying half after only 6 months when he claimed that he had developed “tennis elbow” and that the modified duties the company provided was not sufficiently accommodating his injury. He managed to successfully submit a claim to WSIB and has been off work since June of 2013 and receiving payment from WSIB.
When it was clear that he had no intentions of taking any steps to facilitate his departure from our home (Nov) I told him that he needed to start making some plans. He insisted that I needed to buy him out of the house. After 2 yrs there is no equity in the home nor has it increased in value in that time. And since I have been the sole contributor I really don’t feel that he has any entitlement. I calculated the cost to sell the house, legal fees, and factored in that I would want my down payment back. I provided the numbers to him for 3 different potential sale prices for the home and was even overly generous and provided the numbers should we somehow manage to make $15,000 more than what we paid (wouldn’t happen right now with the market and the condition of the home). The most generous numbers would have left us with about $1250 each (this didn’t even factor in the cost to break the mortgage). I told him that I would pay all the bills in the house in addition to the mortgage to allow him to save for first and last months rent to secure his own living arrangements. Additionally, I offered him 75% of the contents of the home (90% is actually mine). The money he would save in half the house costs is more than double the “buy out” figure above. It is now January and he has not saved anything and still has no intention of leaving.
In November he met another woman and has been dating her since meeting. Not only has he been freeloading off me, not looking for employment, not saving any money, he has been leaving several times a week for overnight visits with this woman, leaving me to be responsible for HIS son. Beyond that, he has also been bringing this woman into my home and around my small children while I am away at work (I work 12 hr shifts that alternate between days and nights).
There is SOOOOO much more crap that he has been pulling on me that I haven’t even mentioned and I feel trapped and unable to move on with my life. I don’t know how to get him to stand up on his own two feet and start taking responsibility for himself and his circumstance. His sense of entitlement extreme and he uses the fact that I broke up with him as justification for everything he does. How the hell can I get this leach out of my life before he sucks me dry of everything I’ve worked for and my livelihood? I just want to move on and do so with that which I worked my ass off for and earned.
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