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I was served custody papers, can I just not reply to them?

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  • I was served custody papers, can I just not reply to them?

    Hey folks, long story short (I'll spare you the "She did this"and "She did that") my ex served me custody papers requesting full custody. I don't disagree with that for personal reasons so is not replying an easy way to let them through.
    I.e will it be a default for her if I just dont reply and don't go to court.

    Also, we have an unwritten child support agreement, I send money when I can so it's not mentioned in the papers I was served, now if I don't show up and she were to tell the judge "Oh, he never sent me money" would the judge issue an order for that in my absence, or am I safe in that regard because she isnt mentioning child support in the paper I was served.

    My concern is A) I'm not doing something criminal by not attending/replying and
    B) The judge somehow says I owe arrears because I'm not there to show proof of past payments etc.

    And I know some people might say"Oh just go"
    I have two other kids, My wife works and I go to school full-time, we have no family to watch our kids and it's hard to miss school/work.

    Thanks in advance.

  • #2
    So if you’re agreeing to everything she’s asking for why not just reply and say so? FYI a judge won’t accept “I pay when I can”... whether you go or not expect to be ordered full Cs


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
      So if you’re agreeing to everything she’s asking for why not just reply and say so? FYI a judge won’t accept “I pay when I can”... whether you go or not expect to be ordered full Cs


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
      I pay more than the table amount if that clears things up.

      And for the first part, I don't know. Wont I have to attend the first court hearing if I reply? Whereas if I dont reply I will be excluded from further hearings?
      Not sure how it works, that's why I'm asking

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
        So if you’re agreeing to everything she’s asking for why not just reply and say so? FYI a judge won’t accept “I pay when I can”... whether you go or not expect to be ordered full Cs


        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
        So child support would be in whatever order is issued regardless of whether my ex mentioned it or not? In that case I would have to attend because I wouldnt want her denying my history of payments.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Poppabear2021 View Post
          I pay more than the table amount if that clears things up.



          And for the first part, I don't know. Wont I have to attend the first court hearing if I reply? Whereas if I dont reply I will be excluded from further hearings?

          Not sure how it works, that's why I'm asking


          How do you pay more than table if you only pay when you can? Are you saying if your CS is $1000 a month and you only pay every three months you pay her $4000 rather than the $3000 you’d owe?


          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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          • #6
            It would be a bad idea to not reply, and you should get proper legal advice.

            Child support can be ordered in your absence and without your evidence of your income they could impute income to you. Your ‘unwritten deal’ isn’t worth anything.

            If you ever want to change things later, it will be harder if you don’t participate in these proceedings. Courts don’t like it when people fail to respect the process.

            Also, if they do impute income you can’t afford, you will have a very hard time changing that if it’s from a default order.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
              How do you pay more than table if you only pay when you can? Are you saying if your CS is $1000 a month and you only pay every three months you pay her $4000 rather than the $3000 you’d owe?


              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
              Yes thats exactly what Im saying.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                How do you pay more than table if you only pay when you can? Are you saying if your CS is $1000 a month and you only pay every three months you pay her $4000 rather than the $3000 you’d owe?


                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                Yes I.e I sometimes go a month and a half instead of a month on the dot, but when I do I pay extra. And I've always paid more than required.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Kinso View Post
                  It would be a bad idea to not reply, and you should get proper legal advice.

                  Child support can be ordered in your absence and without your evidence of your income they could impute income to you. Your ‘unwritten deal’ isn’t worth anything.

                  If you ever want to change things later, it will be harder if you don’t participate in these proceedings. Courts don’t like it when people fail to respect the process.

                  Also, if they do impute income you can’t afford, you will have a very hard time changing that if it’s from a default order.
                  Thank you or the information.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You have an obligation to your first kids which includes child support. She can get a support order which would then be enforceable by an enforcement agency like FRO.

                    If you agree to her having full custody, tell her you will sign an agreement on it not requiring court but you will still need to agree on child support.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      1. Generally speaking, it is a bad idea not to show up in court. It is worth taking the one day off work/school just to make sure that nothing crazy happens. It is not criminal to skip court, but possibly criminally foolish


                      2. Before you give up full custody, I would strongly consider speaking to a lawyer. That is very much a one-way road. Once you lose custody voluntarily you will never get it back.


                      3. Your unwritten child support agreement will not stand. You will be ordered to pay table child support.


                      4. There is no reason not to reply, even if you do not intend on going to court.




                      Originally posted by Poppabear2021 View Post
                      And I know some people might say"Oh just go"I have two other kids, My wife works and I go to school full-time, we have no family to watch our kids and it's hard to miss school/work.


                      Imagine the judge orders $10,000 in arrears payments. It might take you 4 hours of lawyer time to undo that nonsense, maybe more. That's about $1000-$2000, at a minimum. Imagine all this could have been avoided by paying $50 for a babysitter.


                      I get it, I was completely alone. Every day in court was a financial disaster. However, I still think not going could end up being much much worse.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Janus View Post
                        1. Generally speaking, it is a bad idea not to show up in court. It is worth taking the one day off work/school just to make sure that nothing crazy happens. It is not criminal to skip court, but possibly criminally foolish


                        2. Before you give up full custody, I would strongly consider speaking to a lawyer. That is very much a one-way road. Once you lose custody voluntarily you will never get it back.


                        3. Your unwritten child support agreement will not stand. You will be ordered to pay table child support.


                        4. There is no reason not to reply, even if you do not intend on going to court.








                        Imagine the judge orders $10,000 in arrears payments. It might take you 4 hours of lawyer time to undo that nonsense, maybe more. That's about $1000-$2000, at a minimum. Imagine all this could have been avoided by paying $50 for a babysitter.


                        I get it, I was completely alone. Every day in court was a financial disaster. However, I still think not going could end up being much much worse.
                        Thank you so much for the sincere advice.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          The judge can also start the child support for 3 months previous to that court date when you do not show, as he did in my case to my ex-wife.

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