Financial Mess

[Faith]

Hello, I'll try and make this brief but would like advice if any shuould have some, My x is self employed, we were married for 19 years 3 kids, I stayed home and did the bookkeeping(he mostly worked on his own except for casual labour at times)and have handled the finances for the house and the business since we were married, for the last 3-4 years I went out and worked part-time in same industry, we have been seperated for 1 year but live in same house due to debt build up, since July he has taken the business bookkeeping away and took away access to the business acct.Since this time his girlfriend is doing the bookkeeping. We live in a house that is worth about 460,000 with 300 mortgage, since he has done or tried to do the payments of bills we have been threatened with closure on most all our utilities, we have had a business valuator and because of his information given, (and that we have always showed a lose and taken most of the equity, ie split income 35,000 each,) the business was valued lower than I expected, I am entitled to 50%.But he will not say that his income is more because of the personal expenses we have always put thru Ie: gas, restaurants, vechile insurance etc. sponsorship for hockey etc. which would add up to approx.90,000 per year, I have no income so am looking for substancial spousal for a few years,I am currently going to school to change careers inthe hopes to be financial indepenent of him, I owe to date over 10,000 in legal fees without being ahead, (character bashing and counter offers)-- still which are outstanding (he has paid his)til house is sold,(i had to wait for 6 months for his financial statement so refused to sell house til all was settled and not to disrupt the kids in school. I had to put in a court application which gave him 30 days to produce his financials,He can with an offer on monday for 900 per month and I told him where to put it,Today he offered me 2500 per month ( I mentioned this amount at some time I'm told)but I would have to sign an agreement that it would end in 2 years except for the custody amount of 500, I told him custody amount would be more because of what he makes, he said he could prove the debt he is in and it would not! I know I tried to cram my mess into a few paragraphs but has anyone gone thru a settlement or have heard of one like mine, I just don't know if I should try and work with this or because I have came this far and am trying to build my life over, go for the gusto, I do not want to get screwed financially or will the courts if I choose to take it that far look and say he offered you this and thats what your getting! Its so sad really except for the kids all those years invested for what!! And every time you ask your lawyer it cost you your arm.. Any feedback would be great--
Faith

[god knows the truth]

faith, I feel for you . your ex is acting very selfish. I think that his girfriend can;t be a real catch considering here "boyfriend is sttill legally married, living in the same house as wife, has three child with her. If that's not enough, she's helping him steal from his family(by doing the bookkeeping). two peas in a pod.

right now I'm too sleepy to give my advice or opinion or your issues--just thought I'd jot a quick note of support.

[hubby]

Faith ...

Faith,

I'm sort of in a similar situation.

The child custody amounts are determined by tables you can find online. Now the amount you are given is dependant on how you share the kids. If you have them 50/50 or 60/40 then there is a calculation based on Gross from both personal/business and how custody is split, I believe. If your spouse has the kids less than 40% of the time, I believe you are entitled to full child support.

Spousal support is determined by NET amounts and the courts also consider how much child support is being given. If you are not working and making ANY income, aside from the income you made in the self employeed business ... I would think you are entitled to some spousal support (If you are currently making nothing)

You also have to look at other expenses in the equation ... daycare, extracurriclular activites, turtoring and possibly a whole slew of others. These expenses again, are determined by the custody arrangement and your incomes and such.

Faith, in the end, you have to ask yourself, just how far do you want to go with this? Do you want to put this guy in the past and move forward with some reasonable amount for you and the kids. When it comes to the finanacials, ask yourself, what would make me happy to allow me and the kids to survive. Again, these amounts are calculatable ... where it gets nasty is when one spouse contests the gross/net amounts or some other tactic to delay. In the end, you both end up loosing if you contest this beyond what it should be.

2500 for two years. He's entitled to pay child support, assuming your kids are young, alot longer than that. What does that 2500 in total include? There are obviously other expenses in there.

I guess I'm trying to say ... try to find a FAIR settlement and get on in life.

Arguements never solve anything and look at the financial state it puts one into. Coming from a place of trying to be fair is better. Yeah, I know, it depends too on your former spouse and how they place. But be the example, make requests that are FAIR, if your spouses lawyer has half a brain, he should easily be able to see that.

Hubby