Session #4
We do not have the OCL report in hand. Why? I don't know. Disclosure was 5 weeks ago.
Although we were in the same disclosure meeting- we both heard vastly different things.
According to ex- 90% of the report was favourable to him, he was making great strides. But there seemed to be this minor issue of him not addressing the death threat against both his daughter and his wife in therapy. But don't worry guys- it was all a big misunderstanding. And his therapist said the OCL only had a 10 minute discussion with her. So if that's what she's basing her recommendation on- well that shows some deficiencies.
I heard that he hasn't grasped the gravity of what happened on separation and there needs to be further work to address it. That while the supervision issue is interim- this is not a case where joint custody is appropriate because of the level of conflict in the past.
At least three times during the session he referenced wanting to determine if there were any other 'deficiencies' in the report. ...so anyways- I have my answer on whether he's going to challenge the report.
What was interesting is that he kept asking me what I need to see to prove that he's safe around our daughter. I told him- repeatedly- I'm not driving this bus- I haven't asked for any of these things- this is what the OCL recommended. I will send him an offer- and path for us to move forward that has off ramps where we can check in to see if this is the best thing for our daughter.
My sister said something really interesting to me the other day - she said, "There's only two ways really that (ex) is going to go- either he's going to step up and get better, or he's going to get worse". If things get better- then of course I'm open to re-evaluate custody and access as our daughter gets older. But I'm so wary of this. I just feel like if I'm building all these off-ramps (e.g. clauses where age is a trigger v. material change)- I'm asking to continue a never ending legal battle.
What a colossal waste of money and time.
The only thing that was maybe worth it is that he brought up the car situation- where he kept coming up to my car and opening the door when I was dropping our daughter off. Or standing really near me. He told the therapist- "I'm just excited to see D2....blah blah blah... I just want to know why this makes her uncomfortable?"
I had a small fist pump moment when our therapist told him that "She doesn't need to tell you why it makes her uncomfortable. You two are no longer married and she doesn't need to justify her feelings to you."
We do not have the OCL report in hand. Why? I don't know. Disclosure was 5 weeks ago.
Although we were in the same disclosure meeting- we both heard vastly different things.
According to ex- 90% of the report was favourable to him, he was making great strides. But there seemed to be this minor issue of him not addressing the death threat against both his daughter and his wife in therapy. But don't worry guys- it was all a big misunderstanding. And his therapist said the OCL only had a 10 minute discussion with her. So if that's what she's basing her recommendation on- well that shows some deficiencies.
I heard that he hasn't grasped the gravity of what happened on separation and there needs to be further work to address it. That while the supervision issue is interim- this is not a case where joint custody is appropriate because of the level of conflict in the past.
At least three times during the session he referenced wanting to determine if there were any other 'deficiencies' in the report. ...so anyways- I have my answer on whether he's going to challenge the report.
What was interesting is that he kept asking me what I need to see to prove that he's safe around our daughter. I told him- repeatedly- I'm not driving this bus- I haven't asked for any of these things- this is what the OCL recommended. I will send him an offer- and path for us to move forward that has off ramps where we can check in to see if this is the best thing for our daughter.
My sister said something really interesting to me the other day - she said, "There's only two ways really that (ex) is going to go- either he's going to step up and get better, or he's going to get worse". If things get better- then of course I'm open to re-evaluate custody and access as our daughter gets older. But I'm so wary of this. I just feel like if I'm building all these off-ramps (e.g. clauses where age is a trigger v. material change)- I'm asking to continue a never ending legal battle.
What a colossal waste of money and time.
The only thing that was maybe worth it is that he brought up the car situation- where he kept coming up to my car and opening the door when I was dropping our daughter off. Or standing really near me. He told the therapist- "I'm just excited to see D2....blah blah blah... I just want to know why this makes her uncomfortable?"
I had a small fist pump moment when our therapist told him that "She doesn't need to tell you why it makes her uncomfortable. You two are no longer married and she doesn't need to justify her feelings to you."
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