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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 05-18-2011, 05:28 PM
Tank2 Tank2 is offline
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Default Will travel cost be awarded

On may 9th 2011 i attended a case conference for weekend visitation of my daughter with her mother there were some concerns and at that time I felt it best to not allow this. I have since been told that unless i can produce evidence to support this that it will not hold in court. My daughter does not feel comfortable enough with C.A.S. to disclose what happens to her so I'm being advised to send her for weekend visits. I told my Ex this and her lawyer sent me an offer to settle but has asked that i be responsible for all transportation and cost of travel both ways. She is stating that i previously assured her that she wouldn't have to worry about it. I never once stated that fact and as I don't own a vehicle and either have to rent or borrow one this could become quite costly. My Ex owns a vehicle that she claims isn't capable of long distance travel and breaks down frequently. She also claims that she is a stay at home mom and her husband is unemployed and they are on social assistance.

Also she has asked that i drop my daughter off there at 5pm on Friday and pick her up Sunday at 4pm
This is quite troubling to me as my daughter doesn't get home from school till 4pm we work until 5-6pm and it takes 2 to 2 and a half hours to travel there. I would then have to remove my daughter from school early and schedule time off work every other week just to meet that time line and that could very well put our jobs at jeopardy.

Is it likely that a judge would order costs at my expense for travel both ways and what if anything could i do about the drop off time?
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Old 05-18-2011, 08:36 PM
staysingle staysingle is offline
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Can you elaborate on any safety concerns you have with the mother?
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Old 05-18-2011, 09:02 PM
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sexual abuse at the hands of her step father
physical abuse... slapping, spanking, grabbing her face when screamng at her, hitting, physical time outs, forcing her to eat hot sauce
emotional abuse....Telling her that she is not special not loved telling her she is not allowed to see me because of different lies preventing her from seeing me or my family, preventing her from seeing her grandmother (my mom) on her death bed even after people in my ex own family tried to get her here. making her clean her room for hours even keeping her home from school to do the task with no breaks for foos or drink, after the room was cleaned or while the room was clean the step father would go into her room tear apart her clean closet and make her start all over
neglect... locking her in her bedroom for hours on end, not activly engaging with her, preventing her from playing with her half siblings when ever the step father was around.

I'm sure there is more however in the little time I have had my daughter living with me this is all she has told us (me and my partner)
I involved all the right angencies and everything however CAS was used as a scapegoat by my ex. She would say clean your room or CAS will take you away forever. Don't say this or that because they will take you away. She even told our five year old that CAS is the ones who wouldn't let me talk to or see her and that on the very very few occasions that I did manage to speak to her CAS was mad because of it. Because of all of this our daughter is still very very scared of CAS and what they can do. That is why I cannot keep her anylonger from over nights or else I risk loosing her and her having to go back toher moms. Our daughter is scared upset and mad that she has to go there but from what the judge and everyone else has said I don't have much of a choice without proof as in her telling CAS my words mean nothing.
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Old 05-18-2011, 09:04 PM
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Might I also add that some of the abuse is admitted by not just our daughter but my ex and some of her faimly members
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Old 05-18-2011, 09:17 PM
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Did CAS investigate the abuse?
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Old 05-19-2011, 09:03 AM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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She can ask for a lot of things. But the reality is, she is unlikely to get it.

I would simply state to her:

1. Daughter doesn't get home until 4pm and you don't arrive home until 5:30. If she would like for her parenting time to start at 5pm, she should make arrangements to pick up your daughter at the beginning of her parenting. You will make similar arrangements to pickup your daughter at the end of her parenting time.

State you believe the above to be reasonable taking into consideration your child's best interests and schooling, and that it is fair that each parent be responsible for ensuring their own parenting time. Should your ex have concerns about her vehicle and travelling long distances, she should take the appropriate steps to remedy the issues herself.

If she would like you do to all of the driving you can do so, but you cannot accomodate her timing requests due to your daughters school and your work schedule. You can have her there for 8:30pm on Friday and will pick up at 6pm on Sunday.

If you were the one who moved, generally you would the one who would bare the bigger burden of accomodating her parenting time. She shouldn't be adversly affected by your decision to relocate. Accordingly, if you need her to at least pick up, a reduction of c/s to cover the extra expenses related in exercising her parenting time due to your move may be appropriate and fair.
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Old 05-19-2011, 10:06 AM
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CAS came for one home visit. Then on the second said that he had no concerns for our daughters safety in my home he felt we were a happy healthy home for her and that she will thrive in the future. He then closed the case on the second visit saying that our daughter wouldn't tell him anything. but this being said she is five. We were not allowed to tell her to tell him about the abuse and he never even asked questions about anything to do with that stuff....so we are stuck there.

Hammer dad thanks for the great input. However I must correct you. I never moved. My daughter was born in the house I live in right now. 2 years ago my ex was the one to move 2.5 hours away and then blocked all access. A year of legal stuff went by and at our first case conference my ex walked up to me and said you can have her because all she wants is to be with you and her behavior is so out of control. Her lawyer was late and none on my ex's paper work was ready so we didn't get to have a case conference. Her lawyer told her not to give our daughter to me but we went to mediation and did it anyways. I don't know if that changes anything but I have always lived in the same house in the same city.

Oh and there is no child support being paid. She is on government assistance so is her current husband. They have two other children 1 year and 3 months,
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Old 05-19-2011, 10:30 AM
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Quote:
sexual abuse at the hands of her step father
Did you contact law enforcement? Of ALL the allegations, THAT is the most serious. The others are protection issues, but your really really need to sit her down and explain to her that CAS isn't the bad guys there, and that it's their job to make sure she is safe.

Have you brought this up in court? Is your daughter in counselling? Is there a no contact order regarding the stepfather? What did the CAS report say?

Issue here is that if those allegations are TRUE, and YOU allowed her to return to that situation, however briefly, YOU can be nailed to the wall by CAS for knowingly and willingly allowing her to be placed back in that situation.

I'd be replying back to the ex's lawyer indicating that

1. Your EX picks up the child to begin her parenting time, YOU pick it up to end it.

2. That your Ex's new partner be prohibited from being present during the parenting time due to the severity of the allegations that your daughter has brought forward.

If she is not already in counselling, get her there NOW.
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Old 05-19-2011, 10:32 AM
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Quote:
CAS came for one home visit. Then on the second said that he had no concerns for our daughters safety in my home he felt we were a happy healthy home for her and that she will thrive in the future. He then closed the case on the second visit saying that our daughter wouldn't tell him anything. but this being said she is five
THAT is back asswards. If the allegations concerned your EX'S home...CAS should have NOT had any need to visit YOU.
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Old 05-19-2011, 10:39 AM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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Ah, ok.

Given the actual situation, I think it would be fair for each of you to participate in the costs of transportation. Meaning, you each pick up your daughter for your parenting time. It means neither of you are relying on the other to deliver the child, so it takes the issues of "I can't make it out to bring D to you today so your parenting time is scrapped" off the table and you both are doing your share.

The scenario screams for this sort of solution.

As for c/s, she has to pay. She cannot have an income of $0. Press to impute her income to a minimum full time min wage. Yeah, she may be on assistance and have other children, but that doesn't eliminate her obligation to support the daughter she has with you.
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