First Contact
So yesterday evening I finally met the lawyer representing the children, at my place. We didn't share some of the usual pleasantries such as shaking hands or small talk.
As soon as she sat down she was all business, I hadn't even sat down yet. Funny, I did ask her for her permission to record our conversation. She told me she would rather not as she wanted to just ask some questions and nothing was confidential. I said that was fine, I had nothing to hide so I saw no reason not to record the conversation. She again repeated she would rather not. I told her I have been very flustered with the whole process, from court to CAS to FRO and the rest. I said I would just continue to take detailed notes and move on.
She said the kids wishes are not the determining factor in her report but the 'children's best interests'. I told her I understood that.
I would say the conversation went in this order:
1. History of the relationship with my ex, where we lived, where I worked/studied
2. Current relationship and her two girls, how they all get along with my kids
3. How we communicate, my ex and I; my 'relationship' with her partner
3. Description of the kids, activities
4. Scheduling, where kids go, how they get to and from school
5. Police involvement, permission to obtain police reports
6. CAS involvement
She explained again the process of how she would meet my ex today, then meet the kids over the following weeks about three times. She encouraged me to tell the kids to expect meeting with her, that she was their lawyer, but that was about it.
As our talk was winding down, she asked me if I thought my ex had problems with drugs or alcohol. I said no. Then she asked me if I thought my ex suffered from mental illness. I stared right at her.... stared some more.... she stared back.... I stared....then I think both of us broke into a smile and we carried on, hahaha.
In closing, I brought to her attention two things that struck me the most and I'll share with you my corresponding feelings:
1. I was surprised that we didn't focus on some of the nitty gritty, negative experiences that really have stalled any chance of coparenting responsibly. I told her I had prepared some examples of major problems. What I really had was about 64 pages worth of documents surrounding nine key examples of what I call 'HAP (hostile aggressive parenting) even. Inside I was elated that we focused on some facts but didn't get into the dirty laundry, not because I have anything to fear but because I am sooooo tired of it. Yet I am still humming and hawwing about whether I should send the document with emails, I just know my ex will go wild with accusations and crap.
2. I told her I was suprised we didn't look at parenting arrangements in depth, if at all actually. She said she mostly listens to the kids and reports back to the court, the judge looks at that kind of thing. Again I was mixed in my feelings about this, glad the focus was about the relationship the kids have with the parents, but worried again about more games from my ex in this area.
I feel great finally having the OCL involved, I feel soooo bad for the crap my kids have been through. I know I haven't been always perfect but I believe my choices have followed a difficult but 'ethical' path overall.
Finally, the lawyer will have my ex and myself together to see how we can hammer things out based on some of her findings. Honestly, I anxiously look forward to the day when finally someone sits us both down, with nowhere to go, and we can get on with the duty of coparenting.
So yesterday evening I finally met the lawyer representing the children, at my place. We didn't share some of the usual pleasantries such as shaking hands or small talk.
As soon as she sat down she was all business, I hadn't even sat down yet. Funny, I did ask her for her permission to record our conversation. She told me she would rather not as she wanted to just ask some questions and nothing was confidential. I said that was fine, I had nothing to hide so I saw no reason not to record the conversation. She again repeated she would rather not. I told her I have been very flustered with the whole process, from court to CAS to FRO and the rest. I said I would just continue to take detailed notes and move on.
She said the kids wishes are not the determining factor in her report but the 'children's best interests'. I told her I understood that.
I would say the conversation went in this order:
1. History of the relationship with my ex, where we lived, where I worked/studied
2. Current relationship and her two girls, how they all get along with my kids
3. How we communicate, my ex and I; my 'relationship' with her partner
3. Description of the kids, activities
4. Scheduling, where kids go, how they get to and from school
5. Police involvement, permission to obtain police reports
6. CAS involvement
She explained again the process of how she would meet my ex today, then meet the kids over the following weeks about three times. She encouraged me to tell the kids to expect meeting with her, that she was their lawyer, but that was about it.
As our talk was winding down, she asked me if I thought my ex had problems with drugs or alcohol. I said no. Then she asked me if I thought my ex suffered from mental illness. I stared right at her.... stared some more.... she stared back.... I stared....then I think both of us broke into a smile and we carried on, hahaha.
In closing, I brought to her attention two things that struck me the most and I'll share with you my corresponding feelings:
1. I was surprised that we didn't focus on some of the nitty gritty, negative experiences that really have stalled any chance of coparenting responsibly. I told her I had prepared some examples of major problems. What I really had was about 64 pages worth of documents surrounding nine key examples of what I call 'HAP (hostile aggressive parenting) even. Inside I was elated that we focused on some facts but didn't get into the dirty laundry, not because I have anything to fear but because I am sooooo tired of it. Yet I am still humming and hawwing about whether I should send the document with emails, I just know my ex will go wild with accusations and crap.
2. I told her I was suprised we didn't look at parenting arrangements in depth, if at all actually. She said she mostly listens to the kids and reports back to the court, the judge looks at that kind of thing. Again I was mixed in my feelings about this, glad the focus was about the relationship the kids have with the parents, but worried again about more games from my ex in this area.
I feel great finally having the OCL involved, I feel soooo bad for the crap my kids have been through. I know I haven't been always perfect but I believe my choices have followed a difficult but 'ethical' path overall.
Finally, the lawyer will have my ex and myself together to see how we can hammer things out based on some of her findings. Honestly, I anxiously look forward to the day when finally someone sits us both down, with nowhere to go, and we can get on with the duty of coparenting.
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