Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 04-20-2011, 05:45 PM
Tank2 Tank2 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 49
Tank2 is on a distinguished road
Default Too good to be true....

So in my last post my ex handed over our daughter to me on a temp (three month period) because she could no longer handle her and whatever else.

She never filled out her forms for court and got an extension however we went to mediation and settled on the three month trial. (her idea) what we decided was that for the first few weeks she would only speak to her mom on the phone until she adjusted to her new home (in different city) then we would do visits every other weekend. There was no deal about over nights.... Since my daughter has come to stay with me a lot of abuse has come to light. Everything from spanking with hands and kitchen utensils to grabbing and slapping her face to the use of hot sauce being forced to swallow. She has told this to us, C.A.S and public health nurse ect. (there is more abuse sexual and other)

I am now concerned for her safety if she goes there for an over night visit as I will be two and a half hours away and cannot control what is done while I'm not there. My daughter is even saying that she doesn't want to be left alone because she is scared that if she is bad these things will happen.

Last Friday my daughter and her mom had a phone call. Her mom was asking her things like "do you not miss us anymore?" "when are you coming for an over night visit" and stuff like that, that should not be part of a conversation with a 5 year old. At the end our daughter said okay mom but if I come for a sleep over their is no hitting no spanking no hot sauce and no locking me in my room okay?... Her mom started freaking out and our daughter broke down. I ended there conversation right there and while my partner consoled my daughter I spoke to her mom about it.

Needless to say yesterday I received her form 10 as well as her form 35.1 via mail and fedex. None of the pages have the courts stamp on it. She is asking for sole custody with me having every other weekends. She is saying that I do not allow her to speak with her daughter on the phone and later says that when she was speaking t our daughter our daughter told her that she wishes to see and speak to her more often. She goes on to say we agreed on every other weekends and I have yet brought her for a visit. ..... I have been trying for over a week to arrange a day visit in their city for the Easter weekend but her mom won't give me an answer.

So my questions are....

1. Are these papers even valid as they have no stamp from the courts and all the papers I served her had to be stamped.

2. Does she have a leg to stand on in court asking for sole custody because her reasons are the I abused her and our daughter, I'm violent, haven't been around and am a drug addict (none are true) but she gave me our daughter without seeing my home or even a drug test?

3. How long do I have to reply and how do I have to serve her....special service or regular?

Thanks so much...
  #2  
Old 04-20-2011, 06:27 PM
Mess Mess is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Toronto
Posts: 5,448
Mess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the rough
Default

Honest to god, with that level of abuse I would not be doing a thing without a lawyer. If you can't afford one to represent you in court, at least get one to go over your papers and tell you what you should be doing.

Tell the truth about your knowledge of abuse, the conversation you overheard, your concerns about the well being of your child. Get as much documentation as you can from CAS and public health.

Do not agree to any overnight visits, just don't. If you do you are complicit in the abuse, you now know damn well what was going on, your first duty is to protect your child. If you turn her over for unsupervised visits or overnights then you as bad as your ex.

Your whole case for custody revolves around the abuse, don't destroy your own arguments by agreeing to unsupervised access or overnights. You would be as good as admitting that you don't believe what your daughter is saying and that you feel she is perfectly safe in the home.
  #3  
Old 04-20-2011, 08:26 PM
Tank2 Tank2 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 49
Tank2 is on a distinguished road
Default

I'm not agreeing to over nights. I am only agreeing to a visit with her mom and brother and sister (not step-dad who does most of the abuse) in a public place (such as a mall) with my supervising only because her mom wont agree to anything else (shes not really agreeing to begin with) if I wasn't afraid of loosing my daughter again I would make it so the visits would be done only through C.A.S. but I have no idea how to go about this

I don't have my first home visit until next week with C.A.S. and my R.N. and social worker are coming tomorrow but they are mostly there to help me and my partner deal with my daughter's behavior and help her manage everything that is going on in my life.

I guess what I'm saying is I just want my little girl to be safe happy and carefree. She shouldn't live in fear or try to parent her mom. What steps can I take to protect her and how can I prevent over nights until I have documented proof from C.A.S and other agencies.

This is all so much.....
Oh and on a side note in her court papers she states that I have not enrolled our daughter in school yet... It's true that I haven't but it's because she wont give me our daughters birth registration. I have had to order another copy and until that is done I cannot enroll her. She is still in SK so its not a law for her to be in school yet could this hurt me in court or will it hurt her as she is refusing to hand over important documents?
  #4  
Old 04-20-2011, 08:55 PM
WorkingDAD WorkingDAD is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,660
WorkingDAD is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tank2 View Post
So my questions are....

1. Are these papers even valid as they have no stamp from the courts and all the papers I served her had to be stamped.

2. Does she have a leg to stand on in court asking for sole custody because her reasons are the I abused her and our daughter, I'm violent, haven't been around and am a drug addict (none are true) but she gave me our daughter without seeing my home or even a drug test?

3. How long do I have to reply and how do I have to serve her....special service or regular?

Thanks so much...
1. What stamps are you talking about? Afidavit should be sworn but if you talking stamp FILLED AT COURT it can come only when document filled and that can happen after they served to you.

2. Just put you proves together and I would not worry about that. First question to ask if you abuse her and dougther why would she left her with you

3. Check Family Rules. I do not remember.

and just read it one more time

What is Child Abuse & Neglect?
Child abuse can come in the form of physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse or neglect.

Physical Abuse
Physical Abuse is any deliberate physical force or action by a parent or caregiver that results, or could result, in injury to a child. It can include hitting, shaking, burning, etc.

Emotional Abuse
Emotional Abuse is a pattern of behaviour that attacks a child’s emotional development and sense of self-worth. It includes excessive, aggressive or unreasonable demands that place expectations on a child beyond his or her capacity. Emotional abuse can also include a caregiver’s failure to provide their child(ren) with love, emotional support and guidance.

Sexual Abuse
Sexual Abuse occurs when a child is used for the sexual gratification of an adult or older child. Coercion (physical, psychological or emotional) distinguishes sexual abuse. Sexual abuse can take many forms including fondling, sexual intercourse or exposure to sexual activity.

Neglect
Neglect is the failure to meet a child’s basic needs for food, clothing, shelter, sleep, medical attention, education and protection from harm. It can also mean a failure to provide for the child’s emotional needs, attention and supervision.

Good luck
  #5  
Old 04-21-2011, 09:49 AM
Tank2 Tank2 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 49
Tank2 is on a distinguished road
Default

Iceberg I agree, however I don't know how to go about blocking her access and quickly! The too good to be true part is that on march 29th my ex simply walked into the court house and handed me my daughter and said pretty much here you go. Now she has turned around and wants her back with sole custody....
  #6  
Old 04-22-2011, 01:05 AM
wretchedotis's Avatar
wretchedotis wretchedotis is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: ON
Posts: 2,317
wretchedotis is on a distinguished road
Default

How do you block access?
Don't give the child back.
Call CAS. Insist any and all access must be supervised through them or another suitable agency.
Quite frankly, if they know all this themselves, I would think they would already be heavily involved. Assuming this - and that you have care of the child - I would assume they would take any action appropriate for the safety of your child. I guess they've done nothing? That says something about what they think is going on too.

Those forms you were served need only to have been commissioned (pretty sure), so the seal wouldn't be there. But at the end of the forms where the signatures are, if they've been commissioned - then they're real.
  #7  
Old 04-22-2011, 06:06 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,530
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post

Quite frankly, if they know all this themselves, I would think they would already be heavily involved. Assuming this - and that you have care of the child - I would assume they would take any action appropriate for the safety of your child. I guess they've done nothing? That says something about what they think is going on too.
I was wondering that myself.
  #8  
Old 04-22-2011, 03:15 PM
Tank2 Tank2 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 49
Tank2 is on a distinguished road
Default

C.A.S. is involved however it's a bit complicated. See i live in one city. So my city is one C.A.S. mother lives in another city a few hours away so there is a different C.A.S.

My daughter and I involved CAS asap. They know about the abuse and are looking into it but since my ex lives in a different city MY CAS can't do much about mom. They have to wait until the CAS in her city does their own inquiry.

I would think CAS would of said well since the child says this it would be better to wait until we know for sure but they said they cant. The reason I can't just not let her see her mom is because it is in our custody agreement. I don't want to break that and have a chance that she will be returned to her mom.

The visit was suppose to take place at a local tim hortons or something like that. Where me and my partner were to sit at the next table over hearing everything.

However ex didn't like that and was trying to avoid the entire visit. She say her husband also wanted to see our daughter but wouldn't come because I was there and he hates me (he has never even met me). She was being childish about the whole matter.....

Needless to say in the wee hours of the morning she called and canceled. So we aren't taking her there for another two weeks. I hope in that time CAS will do something to prevent this....
  #9  
Old 04-24-2011, 10:23 AM
TLCRN TLCRN is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 205
TLCRN is on a distinguished road
Default

I would request from the Court an Order to appoint a children's lawyer and an assessment done by a qualified child psychologist. Both looks and obtain information from any third parties (CAS, polic report if any, any therapist and the list goes on).
In the meantime, I would NOT allow unsupervised visit as it is YOUR responsibility to protect your child. In the eyes of the CAS, since you are aware of the abuse and you do not protect your child, you are as guility as your ex, and loose risking also loosing her. Don't worry about what the Court will think, she is the one who gave basically handed you the child. What type of parent cannot HANDLE a 5 year old? to me, my opinion, there is something definetely not right. There are centers where there is supervised visits.
I don't understand why she won't agree to meet at Tim Horton to see HER child, never mind her husband right now. You would think a mother would do anything to see their child? if she really wanted to see her? don't fall into these games, we are dealing what is in the child's best interest!
Look at the big picture, she handed the child to you knowing of what is going on in her household, and now wants full custody.
Have you witnessed any of the abuse? or is this ONLY from what the child has said? which relevant.
How long ago has this abuse occured? was this ongoing? a lot of questions to be answered!
You need legal advice. If you cannot afford to retain a lawyer, or do not quaify for legal aid, there are Family Law advice lawyers available to help you; contact your legal aid office or the court house where you reside.
  #10  
Old 01-17-2012, 02:36 AM
lorlaman lorlaman is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: East York
Posts: 130
lorlaman is on a distinguished road
Default

Take the poor child to the doctor and get a complete physical, explain your concerns and what your daughter has told you. A 5 year old can't make this stuff up. If the doctor finds any evidence, it will be documented and then the police should be involved.

You mention your ex is acting childish. That should be the last of your concerns. You are not dealing with a normal person, especially a mother no less.
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Looking for a good Family Law laywer in Ottawa, female, suggestons? Elle Divorce & Family Law 3 08-23-2011 01:30 AM
the second car - what is a good thing to do? ddol1 Financial Issues 1 08-21-2011 11:57 PM
Good Lawyers! amhoush Divorce & Family Law 4 04-09-2009 11:03 PM
Does someone know a good legal Aid laywer in ottawa blindsided Divorce & Family Law 5 01-03-2009 05:05 AM
Hi there, I'm new to this and it looks pretty good !! sillygal Divorce & Family Law 2 10-08-2008 02:05 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:45 PM.