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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 08-14-2019, 06:32 PM
Jimwilson Jimwilson is offline
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Default Support with a disabled spouse - contemplating divorce

Thank you for letting me join your board. As a matter of being upfront, Iím in Manitoba. This, however, is the only forum I could find for Canadian divorce advice.

Apologies for the long post.

Iím feeling horrible in my marriage and am strongly contemplating separation / divorce, however Iím not sure what to do given my wifeís condition

MY wifeís physical situation is at a point of near full-on disability due to a genetic deterioration condition She canít work much which is pushing our already bad financial situation to the limit. Weíve already re-mortgaged once. On top of that, we had a failed attempt at IVF and she wants to do a surrogacy which will be anywhere between 10 and 40k. In an ideal situation Iíd love to have another kid but between her health and our finances I canít see how itís possible. Additionally our dog, 12 years old, is facing a couple thousand dollars in surgery and my wife wants to move, and quite honestly a higher mortgage will bankrupt us in a matter of weeks.

If the problems were just financial it would be one thing but I am mistreated in our marriage. She doesnít realize how burnt out I am and if I do anything wrong or donít put away something she says Iím childish, and if I lose my temper (which admittedly I do) she calls me asshole or a horrible person or something worse.

Compounding things are a sick dog and a daughter who is pushing our limits (as 4 year-olds do). Our daughter is at the age (4) of pushing us and testing us, normal of course, and I feel horrible because Iíve made her cry (not on purpose of course), and my wife is reacting poorly to her too, let alone I get berated in front of her and / or get yelled at for arguments in front of or near her.

I honestly feel like I want a divorce, but aside from having to provide spousal support in the best situation, it looks like I would have to pay higher spousal support because of her inability to work (as Iíve researched in a couple blogs).

I feel like Iím in a horrible rut. There are many days a week where Iím so sick to my stomach that I canít eat more than one meal. Right now Iím away on business and Iím sitting in my hotel in the dark unable to do anything healthy for myself. I was looking at the trip as giving myself a break a bit but itís actually left me feeling worse, because I keep getting texts that my daughter is giving my wife issues at home.

I canít stop thinking about my financial situation and being in a life of unhappiness. If I felt like she would respond at all to couples counselling I would do it again but she wonít go.

So ultimately if anyone can provide advice or knowledge on spousal support for an ex with disabilities I would love it, any other advice is greatly appreciated of course.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 08-14-2019, 06:58 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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I'm from Alberta. Many people from different parts of the country. Welcome.

I'd say you have a choice: you stay in a very unhappy marriage broke or you leave and are broke.

Financial stress is the killer of most marriages or adultery. People in your situation are prime candidates to have affairs which only complicates matters.

Your wife wanted to have additional children and is unable to support herself? If something should happen to you how would she provide for both children? Nonsense. Point that out to her.

You say she can't work "much" - what does that mean? Does she currently have employment?

How many years have you been married?

How long have you been feeling the way you now do? Have you discussed your depression with your family physician? If you were recently considering adding to your family, were you not happy at that time?

Sounds like you feel that things are out of control (finance, family life, fear of unknown future). You need to seek some counseling I think Talk therapy would be good.

Is your ex's physical impairment diagnosed by a physician/specialist or a whackopractor?
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Old 08-14-2019, 07:25 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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I have a feeling your wife wants another child because she thinks that will "fix" things between you.

I think you and your ex both need couples counselling and individual counselling. It also may help to sit down and talk about realistic goals. She may be feeling like her life is over with her degenerating condition. It would be scary for her knowing that she will never be the same again and adjusting to her new reality. That could be affecting her moods also. She even may subconsciously be resenting the fact that your healthy and able to do stuff that she now finds difficult.
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