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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 08-10-2019, 05:06 PM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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Default When I thought it couldn't get worse

I've told you all here that my husband has been emotionally abusive and paranoid the last few months. I've been hoping he'd leave, because I'm scared to ask him to. I had a legal aid certificate for a consult, which I had yesterday. Him getting half the house may be complicated but not as cut and dry as he may think, if he wishes to pursue it. I cannot change the locks even if he leaves.

Fast forward to today. I decided to check on a social media account to see if he's been posting. I found a post where he is replying to a person who was proud of herself being 12 years sober and clean from cocaine use. He told her that it was his drug of choice as a teen but couldn't afford it. Said now he can afford it and can easily find it and he's envious of those who have been able to break the habit. I confronted him weeks ago because he'd been spending an hour in the bathroom at a time and I'd heard him sniffing constantly. He was outraged at the accusation and said he was just crying. I am livid! I'm struggling to pay bills and he's sniffing all his money up his nose. I'm even more terrified because it explains the anger, the shopping addiction and his paranoid (accuses me of breaking into his locked drawers). I have kids and one is a minor. I don't know what to do. We have nowhere to go and I can't leave our home. I am so upset he put us all in this position.
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  #2  
Old 08-10-2019, 05:40 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostrated View Post
I've told you all here that my husband has been emotionally abusive and paranoid the last few months. I've been hoping he'd leave, because I'm scared to ask him to. I had a legal aid certificate for a consult, which I had yesterday. Him getting half the house may be complicated but not as cut and dry as he may think, if he wishes to pursue it. I cannot change the locks even if he leaves.

Fast forward to today. I decided to check on a social media account to see if he's been posting. I found a post where he is replying to a person who was proud of herself being 12 years sober and clean from cocaine use. He told her that it was his drug of choice as a teen but couldn't afford it. Said now he can afford it and can easily find it and he's envious of those who have been able to break the habit. I confronted him weeks ago because he'd been spending an hour in the bathroom at a time and I'd heard him sniffing constantly. He was outraged at the accusation and said he was just crying. I am livid! I'm struggling to pay bills and he's sniffing all his money up his nose. I'm even more terrified because it explains the anger, the shopping addiction and his paranoid (accuses me of breaking into his locked drawers). I have kids and one is a minor. I don't know what to do. We have nowhere to go and I can't leave our home. I am so upset he put us all in this position.
You can and should file for immediate interim support AND exclusive possession of the matrimonial home.

A good friend of mine (who is married to a doctor) obtained this. He used to pay all the bills and she was clueless as to their financial situation. She later found out he had put 100,000 of home equity up his nose and on escorts. His occupation was such that he had to submit to drug testing or lose his license. She had no access to money at the time. Someone broke into their home looking for money. She had leverage of his medical license. What leverage do you have? Anything that would compel him to have to submit to drug testing?

At this point you will probably get the best advice from a women's shelter.
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Old 08-10-2019, 07:14 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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if you think he has drugs in the house then call the police and see what they suggest.
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Old 08-10-2019, 08:08 PM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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I have been receiving counselling from a women's shelter and up until today, I thought he only had a Percocet issue. I will tell them first thing Monday what's going on. I'm also seeing our family doctor and I'm showing him the tweets. he said a while ago that if my husband was my kid, I'd be searching his room for drugs because of his behaviour. I am worried about going to the police because he always twists things and I'm worried he'll say I'm misreading the tweet and I'm crazy. I also worry they'll call CAS and I'll lose my daughter. I cannot believe he lied right to my face and made me feel guilty for accusing him.

The tweet was in response to a woman who was 12 years sober and clean from cocaine and he wrote: "Around the same age, experimented as a teen but couldn't afford it or find a way to get it. Was def my drug of choice. Unfortunately now I can and found too many ways to get it. Hard habit to break I envy you guys that did"

Could I be misinterpreting??? He always has me questioning my perception of everything.
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Old 08-10-2019, 09:28 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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If you alert police know that depends on where you live police may be obligated to contact CAS. If that happens be prepared to comply with them to protect your children who are minors. If they question your ability to protect your children from him, it will mean lots of trouble. I like the op suggestion. File for exclusive possession of the family home. Get him away from you and your children. You need to show you are strong and are able to make decisions of what is best for your children. You don't want your mental health questioned by authorities ever. Your husband is unstable and under the influence of drugs. It is not safe to live under the same roof as him. I've been in your shoes. File for separation asap so you won't be responsible for the debt he will rack up from erratic spending as of the separation date. I'm sorry for what you are going through.
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Old 08-10-2019, 09:56 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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: "Around the same age, experimented as a teen but couldn't afford it or find a way to get it. Was def my drug of choice.

Could I be misinterpreting???
Yes, you are. It doesn't in any way state "I am doing cocaine." He clearly used the word "was" and is congradulating and supporting someone who broke free from this drug. He knows how hard it can be because he did it in his past.

It's quite common for people to come across touching posts online in this era of social media and support others (comments, like, subscribe, share, tag, etc) and also share their past experiences online. In fact, that's basically what takes place on this site.

I would like to share an experience with you as well. My ex accused me many times of doing drugs. Further, she thought I was cheating on her when we were married and I would be staying at school late to finish up group projects.

I did a drug test with CAS and Family Doctor, with results to her disappointment. She also embarrassed her self once paying a surprise visit to my school catching me in my group of 3 other dudes finishing up our group project thinking I'm having sex with some chick in the college classrooms.

She was later diagnosed with anxiety.

Last edited by tunnelight; 08-10-2019 at 10:14 PM.
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Old 08-11-2019, 05:56 AM
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"Around the same age, experimented as a teen but couldn't afford it or find a way to get it. Was def my drug of choice. Unfortunately now I can and found too many ways to get it. Hard habit to break I envy you guys that did"

This ^, to me, sounds like your STBX has a drug problem. You say you only knew about the "Percocet issue" ??? What is that all about? How long have you known (and been an enabler?).

While you are at the women's shelter this week, ask them for information on support groups for spouses of addicts. That will probably open your eyes up further to the reality that you are living in now. Perhaps you can get some advice on how to protect yourself financially.

Remember... Addicts are liars. With that in mind, if you want to convince yourself that you are not losing your mind, why not purchase one of those mini cameras (60.00) and hide it in the bathroom somewhere? They are pretty small. You will likely get your answer.

Last edited by arabian; 08-11-2019 at 06:02 AM.
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Old 08-11-2019, 09:16 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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I thought doctors were also mandated reporters? That they have to report to CAS also. Maybe the womans shelter is obligated to report also.
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Old 08-11-2019, 09:25 AM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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He has a degenerative spinal issue that causes chronic pain. He's been prescribed Percocet for years for it. There's not a lot you can do when doctors are prescribing it (I see the prescriptions). He said he was hoping to be able to go off of them after surgery, whenever that's supposed to happen.

I found more tweets where he's asking someone if you know you've hit rock bottom and your addiction is ruining your life and you've lost your friends but you're too afraid to tell anyone, how do you break the cycle #hitrockbottom

I don't think this is just a rhetorical question.

I'd love to set up a camera, but he started accusing me of going through boxes he has taped up and picking locks on drawers in his dresser a few months ago. Kept telling me doesn't care that I'm doing that because he has nothing to hid but it upsets him that I'm doing it whenever he goes out. I have never gone through a single box or drawer. I never cared what he had and didn't even know he locked his drawers. That's when my radar started going up. Then the long bathroom visits and constant short sniffing sounds all the time. It's why I finally confronted him and asked if he was doing cocaine. I told him his whole personality has changed and he was starting to scare me. He ended up making me feel nuts.

I'm going to look into filing for sole possession. I want him and his coke habit out of my house and away from my family.
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Old 08-11-2019, 12:31 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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Quote:
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I'm going to look into filing for sole possession. I want him and his coke habit out of my house and away from my family.
The house belongs to both man and woman of a marriage.

Children aren't "your" family, nor are they material property like the house is.

Children are family to both mother and father.
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