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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 08-22-2019, 09:50 PM
rhender rhender is offline
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My ex wants to change the kids schedule again. Our agreement says I get them 4 days a week and he gets them 3. He argued after it was signed, so we now do 50/50. Now he is in a relationship with a high conflict partner who is demanding week on week off. I already compromised last year with 5-2-2 during the school year and week on week off in the summer. The kids find the 5 days difficult because their dad lives outside the city, away from their school and friends and do not want to be out there 7 days at a time (they are 12 and 10). I also had to go no contact with the new partner last year because I was receiving harassing, insulting texts and emails daily, so the relationship is not good to say the least.

I have a lot of reservations about a schedule change because they are not very responsible, lie about a lot of things, skip important activities, say no to most of the kids requests to play sports, do not help with the homework, and have stopped informing me about important parenting info. They do not follow the parenting plan and the high conflict partner even said the agreement doesn’t matter. They signed the kids up for stay away camp without my knowledge (and the kids didn’t want to go), they are arguing about almost all special expenses because they don’t want to pay and they are arguing money every time we talk.

I agreed to updating the agreement and suggested mediation with a lawyer, but they do not want to go. Over the last couple of weeks, the new partner went into my exes account and switched the shared calendar to week on week off without his knowledge on 2 separate occasions. My ex just defended her saying she was mixed up and said we don’t have an agreement for the school year yet - which starts next week! I said the current 5-2-2 is the agreement and he agreed to switch back the calendar.

He has stopped returning messages, which usually means they are getting ready for an attack. I am worried they are just going to take the kids on my scheduled days to force the schedule change and put the kids right in the middle of the dispute. What can I do if they take the kids not on their scheduled days, how can I stop them from harassing me, since they won’t go to mediation?

Any advice is appreciated.
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Old 08-22-2019, 10:00 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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First, his partner is not a party to your agreement and you can remind him of that. Ignore anything from her.

Second, if your agreement outlines the days then you follow the agreement and tell him that as a result of the issues you will now revert back to the agreement as written.

As far as his time, he does what he wants and you get no say. Its his time. Unless the kids are bleeding uncontrollably, in a coma or otherwise seriously injured, you dont get a say. Your response to the kids is this is your dad and what he says goes, if you dont like something, talk to him about it and try to work out a compromise.

For expenses, if you didnt get his written agreement then he doesnt have to pay. Period.

It sounds like you both are flexing your muscles and getting nowhere fast.
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Old 08-22-2019, 10:34 PM
rhender rhender is offline
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One more question... our agreement says we will jointly make decisions about day care, camps, schooling, etc. It also says that if one parent cannot get them to an activity, the other will be given an opportunity to take them and/or spend time with the other child.

Are these even enforceable? Based on the above, my ex has complete say over major decision making during his time but we have clauses in our agreement that say major decisions will be made jointly.

It is confusing that lawyers encourage these clauses if they are meaningless. Does anyone else have these clauses in their parenting plans?
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Old 08-23-2019, 07:08 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Unenforceable. His time his decisions.

Daycare is section 7 if necessary for work.
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