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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 10-16-2018, 11:40 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Thanks for the input. I always allow/encourage both my children to speak to dad on my time. My children just go to him. On dads time the children are not allowed anywhere near me. I am not able to go say hi.. or good game... itís really sad. There was no lecture given. I tried to show and explain. My son tried to tell dad he needed the insoles and skates were too tight. Dad doesnít listen. Which is why he skated over and waved me down while on the ice. I agree wasnít best to go and try to speak to dad. But I tried to make things better for our child knowing he was in pain and as usual felt scared to speak up to his father for fear of getting in trouble.


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  #12  
Old 10-16-2018, 11:52 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dad2bandm View Post
This comment is ridiculous by the way. It really does sound like you guys need to smarten up, and put your kid first at such events.


Yes it is ridiculous for sure I agree. But it is the truth. Dad is not allowed by the gf to speak with me unless she is right beside him. She sent her daughter to accompany him to a change room. And she sat there and watched what went on. Ran back upstairs to her mother and reported her version of what she saw and heard.

Gf keeps sending me emails on behalf of dad asking for a three way meeting. Is it logical that I meet with my exhusband to discus our children with his gf? Nope donít think so. I have asked for mediation several times. Unless she is part of it he refuses. Yes absolutely ridiculous.


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  #13  
Old 10-16-2018, 12:04 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Originally Posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
Yes it is ridiculous for sure I agree. But it is the truth. Dad is not allowed by the gf to speak with me unless she is right beside him. She sent her daughter to accompany him to a change room. And she sat there and watched what went on. Ran back upstairs to her mother and reported her version of what she saw and heard.

Gf keeps sending me emails on behalf of dad asking for a three way meeting. Is it logical that I meet with my exhusband to discus our children with his gf? Nope donít think so. I have asked for mediation several times. Unless she is part of it he refuses. Yes absolutely ridiculous.


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I get why it is hard to be forced to include someone else in your kids life. I can't imagine how hard as I have not been faced by the situation yet....however, is the gf regularly around the kids? does she enjoy is a good relationship with them?

My thinking is that anything that helps reduce the tension would probably be a good thing. If this gf is here for good- and everything you've written here would indicate she is...then wouldn't it make more sense to work with her?

Have you guys engaged in any family counseling?
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  #14  
Old 10-16-2018, 12:16 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Default Sporting Events on Non Custodial parents weekend.

Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
I get why it is hard to be forced to include someone else in your kids life. I can't imagine how hard as I have not been faced by the situation yet....however, is the gf regularly around the kids? does she enjoy is a good relationship with them?



My thinking is that anything that helps reduce the tension would probably be a good thing. If this gf is here for good- and everything you've written here would indicate she is...then wouldn't it make more sense to work with her?



Have you guys engaged in any family counseling?


Great advice. Been there done this....
I begged for family therapy before I started the court process. It was a process that would have included both our partners. Two separate therapists to hear both sides and work to get us all in the same page. I sent two requests for This with information contact names and cost. It went ignored. Previous to this. I went and had a two hour meeting with gf by myself. Every professional I have spoken to says this was a big no no as it completely takes dad out of the equation and makes him no longer accountable. Thatís the whole problem. He is not held accountable for anything. I even would contact gf to enlist her help when a family therapist called dad 5 times to ask dad to join therapy with his son. Again I was told wrong. Donít involve the gf.

Many times she says she will act as a go between for us. Is this not crazy? Yes it is. As each time something occurs she is unable to be impartial. Well of course!! She is his gf.

My son comes home upset because he watched said gf type the long nasty email to me and then called dad over to hit send. He says mom why is said gf emailing you? All I can say is itís adult issues sweetheart. Donít worry about it.

Gf is a lying sociopath who makes things up and is working very hard to alienate my children from me (which they accuse me of).

What mother (gf)tells her son to tell a 10 year old boy that his mother is sending his mother nasty texts? And says how rude his mother is to dad. My kids have to go their EOW and endure this bs. From 3 of her children.

Again all completely fabricated lies. I showed my son the chain of texts from dads gf. Nothing a child couldnít see. There is no nasties. No swear words. Heck not even conflict or arguing. And the last text was from 6 months ago answering gfs question about drop off time. Yes we are in a big mess because dad canít speak for himself and has completely given his power over to his gf who runs the show. And this is my 10 years old observations. He asked dad a question. He gets told to ask the gf.

I know not all step moms are like this. There are many amazing ones. She even started out to be one. But now for some reason she has lost it.


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Last edited by Mom 2 Two; 10-16-2018 at 12:19 PM.
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  #15  
Old 10-16-2018, 04:07 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
Great advice. Been there done this....
I begged for family therapy before I started the court process. It was a process that would have included both our partners. Two separate therapists to hear both sides and work to get us all in the same page. I sent two requests for This with information contact names and cost. It went ignored. Previous to this. I went and had a two hour meeting with gf by myself. Every professional I have spoken to says this was a big no no as it completely takes dad out of the equation and makes him no longer accountable. Thatís the whole problem. He is not held accountable for anything. I even would contact gf to enlist her help when a family therapist called dad 5 times to ask dad to join therapy with his son. Again I was told wrong. Donít involve the gf.

Many times she says she will act as a go between for us. Is this not crazy? Yes it is. As each time something occurs she is unable to be impartial. Well of course!! She is his gf.

My son comes home upset because he watched said gf type the long nasty email to me and then called dad over to hit send. He says mom why is said gf emailing you? All I can say is itís adult issues sweetheart. Donít worry about it.

Gf is a lying sociopath who makes things up and is working very hard to alienate my children from me (which they accuse me of).

What mother (gf)tells her son to tell a 10 year old boy that his mother is sending his mother nasty texts? And says how rude his mother is to dad. My kids have to go their EOW and endure this bs. From 3 of her children.

Again all completely fabricated lies. I showed my son the chain of texts from dads gf. Nothing a child couldnít see. There is no nasties. No swear words. Heck not even conflict or arguing. And the last text was from 6 months ago answering gfs question about drop off time. Yes we are in a big mess because dad canít speak for himself and has completely given his power over to his gf who runs the show. And this is my 10 years old observations. He asked dad a question. He gets told to ask the gf.

I know not all step moms are like this. There are many amazing ones. She even started out to be one. But now for some reason she has lost it.


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this is brutal- and i can imagine it's doing a number on you as well as the kids to be in the middle of this.

I know you're not asking for advice specifically- but I've had the same type of fights you describe. I think, to some extent (from what I have read on here), we all have. If eight months of weekly therapy has taught me anything it is that you don't have to engage. Every small fight becomes a pissing contest. Those are the exact words from my therapist (she's brutally honest- and a bit crass sometimes. I love it)- she constantly reminds me to stop participating and/or starting the pissing contest, it does NOT matter who starts it. You can walk away.

Trying to prove you're right to your kid is useless. If you have the lion's share of the parenting time- I would just focus on your interaction with your son(s?). You cannot control or prove you're right. I'm so sorry they have to deal with this. I know from my situation- I hope to ensure that her home life with me is a calm one- free of contests. If she has to deal with bs from her dad (and believe me- I know it's coming...he already used to do it when we were married...like telling a one-year-old how her mother was bitch and lazy c*nt..and he bad mouthed me to my extended family unbeknownst to me)- but I digress- if/when she has to deal with this bs- I plan on making her home life with me peaceful and a safe haven.

It honestly sounds like you're engaging.
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  #16  
Old 10-16-2018, 04:37 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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I got a long nasty email from them. Actually I got about 10 that weekend. A few from dad (gf) and several actually signed by the gf. I did not answer. Only to say I disagree with your version of events and to please confirm a time for my thanksgiving dinner drop off time that he ended up making my kids miss anyway. My kids missed their dinner with my family because our agreement doesnít state a time. So rather than letting them come with me after hockey. He drove them around in the car and took them skate shopping knowing my family dinner was happening at that very moment. The kids knew they missed dinner with their aunts and uncles and cousins. And that is on dad. Not mom.
Trust me. I am not engaging. As much as possible. Lawyer says ignore. And only respond when itís needed.


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  #17  
Old 10-16-2018, 06:12 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Welcome to the ridiculously petty war called family law. Its more depressing that your ex is being controlled by his gf. Almost makes you want to say to him ďfunny how you worry about me controlling you when you are actually allowing gf to control you.Ē

I shake my head at all this bs.
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  #18  
Old 10-17-2018, 08:25 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
My kids missed their dinner with my family because our agreement doesnít state a time. So rather than letting them come with me after hockey. He drove them around in the car and took them skate shopping knowing my family dinner was happening at that very moment.
My ex does the same thing. It is infuriating, but if you let them know that it bothers you then they do it more. It makes for great stories later though . I've learnt to put it all in perspective... 10 years from now, will it really matter if they missed a family meal? I try to pick my fights on things that are truly unique or special, and all the rest I let it slide.

"Let it slide" includes not dragging the kids into it. I try to avoid telling the kids how their evil mother stopped them from going to a wonderful dinner. I would probably say "we had a nice dinner, hopefully you can make it next time. Feel like throwing around a ball now?"

Quote:
Trust me. I am not engaging.
If you sucker punch somebody, and then walk away from the fight, it is hard to claim that you are the angel.

You started this by going into the change room. Hopefully from now on you will respect his parenting time. That includes letting him parent incorrectly. If you want to control the other parent's parenting, then the trick is to stay married. Divorce gives you less control, not more.
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  #19  
Old 10-17-2018, 08:32 AM
good_mom good_mom is offline
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GF is not party to the agreement and not parent to the children, respond only to Dad e-mails that need a response. He choose to have her in his life, great but you are the parents to the kids.

Them going on about it crap=file= no response. You do not need to defend yourself.

Dad asking about anything for the kids, respond but remember, if they are not bleeding or in danger you can take 24hrs mins. to response. If its weeks away take 72hrs.

I Suggest Family Wisard.
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  #20  
Old 10-17-2018, 08:49 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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[QUOTE=Janus;231300]My ex does the same thing. It is infuriating, but if you let them know that it bothers you then they do it more. It makes for great stories later though . I've learnt to put it all in perspective... 10 years from now, will it really matter if they missed a family meal? I try to pick my fights on things that are truly unique or special, and all the rest I let it slide.



"Let it slide" includes not dragging the kids into it. I try to avoid telling the kids how their evil mother stopped them from going to a wonderful dinner. I would probably say "we had a nice dinner, hopefully you can make it next time. Feel like throwing around a ball now?"

Dad telling his children to go tell Mom they want to stay with dad and miss dinner is not mom dragging kids into it. As usual itís dad setting the kids up to be messengers become dad refuses to communicate. He gets his gf to write emails while she is sitting 10 ft away from me. At least he didnít ignore his kid to email though eh !!!







If you sucker punch somebody, and then walk away from the fight, it is hard to claim that you are the angel.

Going into the change room to make sure my son is ok is hardly a sucker punch. Funny statement though. Lol

Dad coming and ripping your child from your arms and removing him to another area of the arena when you are trying to give him a time out for hitting his friend at hockey (on moms weekend). Is much more of a sucker punch I would say.




You started this by going into the change room. Hopefully from now on you will respect his parenting time. That includes letting him parent incorrectly.

At least you agree that he parents incorrectly.

If you want to control the other parent's parenting, then the trick is to stay married. Divorce gives you less control, not more.[/

Control is hardly the issue. If the other parent actually listened to his child there would not have been any skate issues.

QUOTE]






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