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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 09-05-2018, 02:12 PM
Ange71727 Ange71727 is offline
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Default Mediation in agreement

Hi all,

Just a question regarding something in my separation agreement.
The amended agreement was signed in December 2017, so it has been well under a year.

At the time, ex and I agreed on a set out budget for recreational sports as well as what they would be.

Ex had a clause put in the agreement stipulating that he would not agree to “any further increase in the children’s budget for recreational sports”.

This summer he asked me to split the costs of summer sports camp with him. I said no as it was occurring on his time and was not in the agreed upon budget.

Now, he is asking to enrol our child in an additional house league sport (he’s already in house league hockey) for the whole fall/winter (also not in the agreed upon sports or budget).

I have said no to this but told him I would completely support this new sport happening in the spring, just not at the same time as another house league sport.

We have a clause in the agreement that states we will attend an hour of mediation, after which the mediator would become arbitrator and make a decision.

Am I bound to this clause? Do I have to agree to attend since it’s written there?

I feel like it is purely a control issue on my ex’s part. He hates hockey and wishes his kid wasn’t in it. My child is being told that I am holding him back and that two sports is completely fine but my concerns are: - family life/sports balance, being able to afford it, and concerns that my son (who is on an IEP) will suffer academically with commitments to two separate teams.

He wrote to the mediator and cc’d me today so he is serious. Anyone have any experience with these kind of dispute resolution clauses? How can they get a sense of the whole dynamic and then make a decision in one hour?


Thoughts please.


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Old 09-05-2018, 02:29 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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If he hates hockey why is he putting kid in it again?

Can you write out as much of the full two clauses as you can?

My partner’s agreement stated that if the parties did not agree they could use the dispute resolution terms in their agreement which meant mediation. Should either party not agree to mediation or they cannot reach an agreement in mediation, the parties could file a court action. The lawyer said that my partner did not have to agree to anything WRT section 7 activities even in mediation and if his ex was serious enough to file a court action over $250 then she would look stupid.

If its written in the agreement that the activities are no to be agreed to then I don’t know why he thinks mediation will work? Or that you HAVE to attend mediation. If you were forced, you could use the IEP and educational performance as a reason to say no?
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Old 09-05-2018, 05:22 PM
Ange71727 Ange71727 is offline
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He knows his hands are tied with hockey because his kid loves it. But kid is sporty in general and therefore is being swayed in other directions too. Which is fine....but not all at once. My issue is having two simultaneous house league sports for an IEP, academically struggling kid. Among other things...
The agreement wording is as follows:

“If the parties disagree on the children’s activity, budget or their respective contributions, then they will attend one mediation/arbitration session with ______ or another mutually jointly selected mediator/arbitrator. If the parties cannot agree after one hour of attempting to mediate the issue, the parties agree that the mediator will become an arbitrator and make a final and binding decision.”

But where does this end? We could literally disagree every year and he could keep dragging me into mediation? I feel like since the agreement was signed under a year ago, that the mediator would recognize that this is too soon to be back at her table. Especially since he specifically had the clause “____ will not agree to any further increase in the children’s budget for recreational sports” written right in.

So am I bound by this? Am I breaching my agreement if I tell him to take a hike?


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Old 09-05-2018, 05:35 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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I'd go to arbitration. Process of abitration exists to break an impasse. You both present your respective sides and arbitrator makes a decision for you.

You win or lose. This is what happens when people can't come to arrangement - courts will decide for you.
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Old 09-05-2018, 10:42 PM
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If you want a way to wiggle out of it, the clause says that you have to find a mediator by mutual agreement. If you refuse every mediator he selects, then you never have to go to a mediator.

As written, there is no way to force you to select one of his choices. He may ask you to offer up choices, so have three people that he would hate in mind in case he goes that route. It is not required, there is no deadlock-breaking procedure outlined in your agreement, but you might as well have that in your back pocket.
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Old 09-06-2018, 07:55 AM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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I would go to the mediator. If you dig your heels in and refuse be prepare that sometime when you are the one wanting to go. He will dig in his heals. And i seems your position is reasonable You aren’t saying no. You are spring instead which is entirely reasonable to not over lad a kid who has an owl and an already time consuming sport. If you go and arbitrator agree with you then I would dig my heels in if he tried it again next year
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Old 09-06-2018, 10:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by youngdad91 View Post
..or it could be purely a control issue on your part.
Perhaps, moving forward, you could stick to offering constructive comments or advice for posters. Thanks.
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Old 09-06-2018, 11:26 AM
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This is where I get confused with agreements. They put this dispute resolution clause in but there really is no dispute.

I interpret your agreement that there are no other activities than the number agreed to. Period. If you can’t agree on what those activities are and how they are funded THEN the dispute clause kicks in. He wants to go against the item he specifically requested in the agreement and thinks he can get around it by claiming its a dispute.

I wonder what would happen if you simply responded that his request is in violation of item (number of his clause) and is therefore not subject to item (whatever the activity dispute clause is) and therefore there is no dispute or need for a mediator. However, if he wishes to remove the clause on additional activities outside of the current number you are open to removing that clause otherwise your offer to resolve the issue by adding it as an activity in the spring still stands.
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Old 09-06-2018, 05:18 PM
Ange71727 Ange71727 is offline
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Hmmm... that’s a very good point Rockscan! He gets to remove a clause because it suits him so maybe I should remove a clause too...
What’s the point of the agreement if you can just interpret it however it best suits you? Drives me crazy.


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Old 09-06-2018, 06:50 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
Hmmm... that’s a very good point Rockscan! He gets to remove a clause because it suits him so maybe I should remove a clause too...
What’s the point of the agreement if you can just interpret it however it best suits you? Drives me crazy.


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My partners ex interprets as she sees fit and also uses an argument that because one item wasn’t followed (because she refused to adhere to parenting time) then she can choose which items she wants to ignore. Then his lawyer said the agreement is shit and the court makes decisions based on the law. The whole thing is madness.

I stand by my argument that his desire goes against his clause and is not subject to the section 7 dispute. You agreed to the number and budget. This is an additional activity that he refused to agree to. If he wants it then one of the agreed activities has to go. Period.
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