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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 01-19-2018, 12:26 AM
acrossthecountry acrossthecountry is offline
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Default how long should you wait for travel access?

Hi I am new here and looking to get some input from people whomay have been in a similar situation.
My fiancť has a D7 that we are trying to get to be allow tovisit dad for 3-4 weeks starting insummer of 2018. Getting mom to let her is another story. She wants no part ineven talking about it, says she is too young to visit dad (she well be 8 bysummer 2018)
Their situation is a bit different the most I have seen onhere so here is some info.
They were together less then 1 yr, lived together but not married. When baby was 4 days old mom took her from AB where they meet andlived the whole time and Moved to NL. She didnít have his consent and when hetried to get her stopped from leaving was told by police and lawyers there was nothing they could do.

He spent more then a year fighting to get some kind of orderso that he could see the baby. Even travel to her new home for baptism and was turned away and threated by mom andher family if he didnít leave police would be called. His own family was notvery supportive and he was so depressed that he gave up. He just couldnít seeanyway to bond with a baby 1000ís km away when mom was going to ĎallowĒ a few hrshere and there to see baby. Only thing they could agree on was CS, which he haspaid from day 1.

With my help and support when she turned 4 we were able tostart taking the steps needed to gain access and visitation. It was a brutalfight as mom really didnít want him in her life and yet there was no reason notto allow him. It took 2yrs multiple lawyers, mediation and having to serve mom withcourt papers to get an agreement that was somewhat reasonable. By July 2016 agreement was signed

-dad to make min of 3 trips per yr,min of 10 days each

- dad to have on weekdays from endof school till 7pm and Friday after school with overnights till Sunday at 7pm(during his days there)

- phone call access whenever andfor any amount to time child will talk.

-reduced CS do to extreme highcost of travel for access

What they couldnít agree on was allowing child to travel ANYWHERE with her dad so he dropped it for the time being to revisit down the road.

Both of us have been making 3 trips per year for appox 16days each since 2014. We got very little time with child until agreement wassigned in 2016. Even had 2 trips that were supervised by momís aunt in beginningso that everyone was comfortable while we got to know one another. To help keepcosts lower so could afford the trip weeven bought a house in her town with 2 apartments, 1 apartment rented to covermortage and other for us so little girl had a stable place to visit (not ahotel room) and place to keep her toys.Also to prove to mom that dad was very committed to building relationship withdaughter. He calls 3 days every week to talk with her. Mom and dad were even getting along so wellthat after agreement was signed mom has since started to let D7 stay with dadfor the whole time he is home, while she call every night to check in and saygood night and she drops by every few days to see her for few mins, we have noproblem with this at all J.With all this we thought hey maybe its time to bring up travel again but no wewere wrong.

How long and how many trips and time spend bonding does heneed before one would allow travel? Are we being unreasonable to expect it now or is mom? Dad is now starting the process for mediation again hoping to get this resolved before summer as mom refusing to talk about it anymore says her mind is made up.
Any thoughts or suggestions would be very helpful.

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