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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 10-24-2015, 03:14 AM
NorthernOntarioDad NorthernOntarioDad is offline
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Question problems at my son's school

Hi everybody. I'm at my wits end with dealing with the school where my son attends. When I was fighting for time in family court, the mother had gone to the school and poisoned them about who I am. Since then, it's just been a nightmare. My son is currently seven years old. Currently the mom and myself are communicating well for the betterment of our son.

I've been told that I don't have a right to be at the school when it's not "my time" with my son. I had dropped off some photos for him and I was told by the principal that is not appropriate behavior. I was not allowed to see him in his classroom. This kind of thing has happened on more than one occasion. I was also told that I was not allowed to take pictures of my sons school records (I had asked them to photocopy two forms and I was told they didn't have time).

This week, my son got into an altercation with another boy (the other boy punched my son but the teacher on duty only saw my son hit him back so he got the detention). This summer he was in a car accident that almost took his life and shortly after his mom separated from her husband and so he lost his home of six years as well. It's been a tough time for a little boy.

I talked to his teacher and suggested that I would spend time with him at lunch so that he would know what dad was there for him and is working together with the school to help him out because we care about him. When I got back to the school, i was told by the vice principal that it's not appropriate and not the norm. Then I was told that they weren't going to allow it. I refused to accept that and I let them know that I have a legal right to visit my son at the school at any time I wish and can also take him out of the school if I deem appropriate. I explained clearly that as a concerned parent, I was there to help my son through this. I was then told that they're just making sure they follow the custody order. The order says nothing about me being restricted in any way. It just explains our schedule. I was told again that I can only be at the school on "my days". I was very frustrated but I kept my cool. I did stay with my son and it was a great thing that worked out well.

I've gone to the superintendent in the past but it didn't help. They're a union and back each other.

I need help locating legal facts. Literature that explains in black and white what my rights are as a parent in regards to seeing my son at the school. I have tried to look through the family law act, but I'm not seeing anything that would help. What I want to do is insert the literature in his school record and have them sign it saying that they've received it. I am hoping that someone out here can guide me in the right direction. After everything that's happened, this is just one more thing that's not needed. Thank you all.
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  #2  
Old 10-24-2015, 07:04 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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I am confused. Why would you think it's appropriate for you to spend time with your son while he is at school? I have never heard of any parent doing that, now a school encouraging that. If you want to take him out for lunch here and there, that's fine but wanting to spend every lunch with him at school? That's a little odd to me.

If you have a court order saying your days are x and y, I would only get involved on those days. The other days are mom's responsibility. If there is an issue and they can't get a hold of mom, then they should be calling you, but other than that, it's mom's time.

I am not clear on what the issue actually is? The boy got in a fight, it happens, the teachers dealt with it. You don't see it at fair, however life isn't fair. Your son made the decision to hit back and got caught.

I don't think the school is doing anything wrong by telling you no, you can't visit him at school. Can you imagine if all parents did this?
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Old 10-24-2015, 07:25 AM
somethingelse somethingelse is offline
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The Superintendent isn't a member of teachers' unions, neither is the principal, at least in Ontario since the mid-nineties.

Spending time with the child at school while the child is in the other parents' care according to an order is ill-advised. Could be contempt.
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Old 10-24-2015, 10:54 AM
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arabian arabian is offline
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I think that schools are generally viewed as 'safe harbour' for children of parents who are going through family law issues. Therefore, parental attendance at the children's school is discouraged unless for something such as a parent-teacher meeting or a school concert.

The term "helicopter parenting" comes to mind. Your intentions may be well-meaning but you should let the kid get on with his life, make friends, and stop interfering with his day-to-day interactions with schoolmates. Kids get into scraps and it is the school administration's responsibility to sort out issues that happen on their turf.
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Old 10-24-2015, 11:18 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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I agree with all the other posters. You need to pull back a bit before the school puts a no trespass order against you. Think of how it looks to your sons friends if you keep showing up at lunch, they may start to tease him about it even and your sons life will be hell at school.
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Old 10-24-2015, 11:39 AM
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LovingFather32 LovingFather32 is offline
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The school I work for currently has two "no trespass orders" that I know of for the same type of stuff. All the above posters have good advice.
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Old 10-24-2015, 12:30 PM
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here is a case which the poster might want to consider:

https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/do...resultIndex=26
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Old 10-24-2015, 12:57 PM
NorthernOntarioDad NorthernOntarioDad is offline
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So maybe I should explain a bit more because it seems like people aren't getting what's happening here.

I am not trespassing at all. I drop my son off at school. That's when I talk to the teachers. I cleared spending time with my son that morning with his teacher. I don't just show up. If I need to have a meeting, I call ahead and make an appointment. There is also NOTHING in the order that says I'm a risk or a danger. I'm not doing this all the time. I'm also not what you'd call a helicopter parent. I'm not sure it's alright to judge a person unless your child almost died as well. There's also there's no contempt of court. There's nothing in the order that says I can't visit my child at school. I'm being a good parent by looking after my son. He was almost killed in a car accident. Then he was removed from his home. This was very hard on him and happened a month before school. He's been having a difficult time and if the fighting doesn't stop he could get suspended or worse.

So that's pretty clear that I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary.

I'll also state that the principal has been doing these kind of things since the custody issues started including putting in false statements to the court. Mom had gone in there when our battles started and completely poisoned the staff. His mother and I are getting along quite well now but the damage has been done.


I didn't ask to be judged on my parenting skills. What I was hoping for and thought I was clear in my request, was for literature to bring to the school in regards to how custody works and my rights as father in regards to this type of situation. I'm basically being bullied her by the principal. The things people are suggesting here in the thread just aren't the case as I've clarified here.


If there is anyone who can help point me in the direction of literature and legal law as far as parental rights when dealing with a school, I'd appreciate that. I'd appreciate not being judged by my actions since it's impossible for anyone else to stand in my shoes. I'm just looking for legal documents to help make things smoother.
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Old 10-24-2015, 01:04 PM
NorthernOntarioDad NorthernOntarioDad is offline
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Thanks for posting this. I read the case but it doesn't apply to my situation unfortunately. I've been very careful to make sure I call to make appointments and always have things cleared.
It's insane to suggest that a parent can't drop things off periodically (and I'm talking two times in the last 6 years) to a school for their child. There is nothing in any documents in the courts against me at all that would suggest I'm a problem. The problem lies with the principal. I also checked with two other teachers..actually three (my mom as well) to see if there is anything wrong with what I've done and all of them have had parents drop items off or visit with their children if there was a serious issue. What I'm looking for is law showing that I have a right to visit my child at school. When a principal tells me that the law is I can only see my child when it's "my day", there needs to be some clarification.
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Old 10-24-2015, 01:07 PM
NorthernOntarioDad NorthernOntarioDad is offline
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I can help you out with your confusion. My son is going through a terrible time right now as I stated. Almost being killed in a car accident this august and then weeks later having to leave his home because his mom is getting a separation is pretty rough on a little boy. He's been getting physical at school and is in risk of suspension.

Many schools do allow the participation of parents. It's not uncommon at all and I did speak to three seperate teachers on this. Like I've already stated, I make sure I have the ok to do so.

I know I have a right to visit my son at school. I wasn't looking to be judged. I'm a parent that is trying his best to help his son through a very rough time.
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