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Political Issues This forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc.

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  #231  
Old 12-04-2010, 07:49 AM
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Just to clarify - Dadtotheend and I have never met. We are just 2 examples of families that have had success with the court system...
Can you imagine allowing your kids to move 8 hours away from you?

And then having the nerve to blame the system later on?
  #232  
Old 12-15-2010, 09:39 PM
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You made a choice to prioritize a heavy workload. One of the consequences of that choice is giving primary care to the other parent. Another consequence that flows from that choice is child support.




Your choice to allow the status quo to develop has consequences. One of them is that is very tough to change a status quo - translation ---> $$$.



I'm not trying to rain down on you, but you made some critical decisions and may not have been aware of the serious consequences that flowed from them. Now you and your kids have to live with them, or spend a lot of energy and $$ changing it.

Good luck.
In many cases it is not possible to see the outcome of certain actions. Because what may have been good for all involved at one point in time should not be held against you when circumstances change. From what many have posted, it seems clear that it is easier for mom to get changes made to suit her needs, but not for dads, and if dad does want to try, it may be prohibitively expensive for him to even attempt, and often is told this by many lawyers. How many men just give up, or don't even bother in the first place?

Often the debts are left for the ncp to pay. My lawyer recommended I file for bankruptcy when my divorce started. I am glad I didn't because I don't know if I could have lived with myself, and I am not sure what problems I may have faced if I did, but I had to live a very meager life, and things have not improved much, despite my drastically changed situation. I don't think it is fair to blame anyone for working to pay down debts, and I don't think it is fair to hold back changing to a shared parenting situation once the situation changes.

Australia changed their laws to permit parents to earn extra money to help get them back on their feet after divorce without this income being considered for support calculations. This situation is time limited to 2 years.( it may be 3yrs) But it seems to have helped. Why can't Canada do this too?
  #233  
Old 12-16-2010, 04:28 AM
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In many cases it is not possible to see the outcome of certain actions.
The family law outcome of his decision to prioritize work over kids was very predictable with a modest amount of research.

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Because what may have been good for all involved at one point in time should not be held against you when circumstances change.?
It's not being held against him, it is done in order to minimize disruption to the kids. Separating parents need to understand how important status quo is in determining custody, but often times they don't research the matter until it's too late.

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How many men just give up, or don't even bother in the first place?
Not bothering to try in the first place is a tired old crutch. Those who don't bother to try deserve what they get. Is there anything in one's life for which it is more important to try?

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Often the debts are left for the ncp to pay.?
Not if property is properly equalized.

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I don't think it is fair to blame anyone for working to pay down debts, and I don't think it is fair to hold back changing to a shared parenting situation once the situation changes.
He wasn't blamed. He was advised of the consequences of his actions, too late it seems.

As to changing back to shared parenting, is it fair to the kids to have one parent choose to take a severely diminished role and then reappear again, after new routines are settled into? Maybe so, but if battling parents have to resort to courts that know next to nothing about the family dynamic, isn't it fair that the courts err on the side of not disrupting the children's routines? Status quo. Status quo.

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Australia changed their laws to permit parents to earn extra money to help get them back on their feet after divorce without this income being considered for support calculations. This situation is time limited to 2 years.( it may be 3yrs) But it seems to have helped. Why can't Canada do this too?
That's a financial consideration, not a custody one or one that speaks to the children's living arrangments. And BTW, there has been criticism of the Australian model as well.
  #234  
Old 12-16-2010, 09:19 AM
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Yes there has been criticism of the Aussie system, and it looks like the new government will return family law to the dark ages, but they did make some very good changes that had helped, and should be a model for the rest of the world.

Family law is often all about money. Whoever has the kids gets the money, whether it be tax benefits, or support, often both. I don't think anyone can argue the support guidelines are fair, and the way they are enforced is not fair either. This is one area that needs a drastic overhaul because the current system harms children.

I agree that not trying to do anything to get a better role in your children's lives is unacceptable, but for many the road there is near vertical. If you are a novice skier you don't go down double black diamond runs, or you risk your life. For some court is the same. Why spend thousands of dollars that you don't have just to get a lawyer to go to court and lose?
  #235  
Old 12-16-2010, 05:50 PM
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Family law is often all about money. Whoever has the kids gets the money, whether it be tax benefits, or support, often both.
I wish that were true, but it's not. Not in my case, anyway.

Deadbeat Mom abandoned her kids and is living 3 provinces away. She won't work and so isn't paying CS (I have both children 100% of time) but she's "entitled" to, and collecting, SS.

Someone tell me that's fair, or that the money is following the kids.

Cheers!

Gary
  #236  
Old 12-17-2010, 12:25 AM
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In my case I don't get any money either, as the ex refuses to work, and our judge has yet to impute an income, and I have been too broke recently to go back to court to get support dealt with. And I am having great problems getting the CCTB as well. They don't seem to accept just the court order showing I have custody, and have had to get letters and other documents to prove that the kids live with me, and now am just waiting for them to approve my claim.

There are also some ladies here who also don't see any money despite having the kids, and they too feel let down by our system.

But for the majority, whomever has the kids gets the money.
  #237  
Old 12-17-2010, 12:32 AM
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And I am having great problems getting the CCTB as well. They don't seem to accept just the court order showing I have custody, and have had to get letters and other documents to prove that the kids live with me, and now am just waiting for them to approve my claim.
Just for you.

I will guide you through the abyss, as it seems I'm exactly what you need.

PM me, I'm a tax accountant.
  #238  
Old 12-17-2010, 12:42 AM
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That would explain your overwhelming knowledge in financial matters relating to divorce. Thanks for the offer.
  #239  
Old 12-17-2010, 03:22 PM
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I'm a tax accountant.
Wanna be best friends?

Cheers!

Gary
  #240  
Old 01-26-2011, 08:07 PM
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so only men who had wives that stayed home can be successful? What about all the women who do work? Does this mean they do not contribute to their husbands sucess? Is it only moms that stay home that are recognized as contributing to their husbands sucess. What about all the wives who married a rich guy because they didn't want to work?
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