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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 09-20-2019, 03:55 PM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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Default He's gone

My husband moved out on the 7th. I'm on day three of not having any emails from him, which is the longest he's ever gone, but for some reason, he went from blubbering about how much he screwed up and how much he misses me and the kids and begging me to talk to friends on facebook who will confirm he's been saying how much he misses his family (I don't know why that would make a difference), to him being all cocky and that I just want his name off the house because money is so important to me. Cocaine is really bad for your thinking, apparently. He still hasn't admitted he's on drugs. He keeps claiming it was antidepressants that made him act that way.

Anyhow, the lawyer has drafted an agreement that he just has to sign and then I can start having him removed from the deed and mortgage. I know he won't want to pay for a lawyer, so I'll never feel secure. I'll always worry when he runs out of money and can't feed his addiction, he'll come after the house and claim that he didn't understand what he was signing, even though it's very clear.

My job is great, I feel so good bringing home a paycheck every week, my son is really stepping up by taking my daughter to appointments and driving her to school. My daughter is no longer locking her bedroom door and it's just so nice not walking on eggshells all the time. I know I might the right decision!
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  #2  
Old 09-20-2019, 03:58 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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I was going to ask in another thread how things were. This is all great. Glad your new job is going well, hopefully you are gaining back a lot of the confidence you lost with that jerk.

Please tell me you proceeded to change all the locks and door combinations the minute he left!!

He is responsible for getting independent legal advice. I believe its part of the agreement so if he doesnít let him screw himself out of it!!
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  #3  
Old 09-20-2019, 04:02 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Iíd personally make sure he gets ILA, especially since your lawyer drew up the agreement. The last thing you want is him sobering up and realizing he could have the agreement thrown out. Honestly it would be worth my sanity to make sure any ex got ILA...

I am happy to hear he finally left and your job is going well.. it will take some time but soon everyone will adjust and things will run smoothly!


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  #4  
Old 09-21-2019, 07:20 AM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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This is such great news and I'm so happy to hear. He will go back and forth on his feelings. Don't buy any of it. Remember you can't negotiate with a terrorist. He is unstable so don't expect him to suddenly become reasonable. Be prepared for him not signing the agreement and Don't worry about him coming back for money. Your lawyer should adbvise you on how to protect yourself down the road. Just be so happy he left willingly. Don't let him back in! Stay strong.
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  #5  
Old 09-21-2019, 08:56 AM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Iíd personally make sure he gets ILA, especially since your lawyer drew up the agreement. The last thing you want is him sobering up and realizing he could have the agreement thrown out. Honestly it would be worth my sanity to make sure any ex got ILA...

I am happy to hear he finally left and your job is going well.. it will take some time but soon everyone will adjust and things will run smoothly!


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I am still not allowed to change to locks since technically, he can come back as long as he's on the deed. It sucks.

What is ILA? If it's free, he may do this. First he was claiming he's so poor, he's going to end up on the streets, and then he tried convincing me that all the money he's spent in the past year was only using money he'd earned. Considering he's been on short- and long-term disability since March, I somehow doubt it.
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  #6  
Old 09-21-2019, 09:26 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostrated View Post
I am still not allowed to change to locks since technically, he can come back as long as he's on the deed. It sucks.



What is ILA? If it's free, he may do this. First he was claiming he's so poor, he's going to end up on the streets, and then he tried convincing me that all the money he's spent in the past year was only using money he'd earned. Considering he's been on short- and long-term disability since March, I somehow doubt it.


Independent legal advice... itís important so he canít claim he didnít know what he was signing... especially since heís on drugs... no itís not free, itís a lawyer reviewing the agreement for him and making sure itís ďfairĒ... since your lawyer drew it up he really needs ILA... agreements can be set aside because of lack of ILA... its a tough situation because of his drug use, if he sobers up he can state he wasnít in the right mind frame to be signing a legal document and your lawyer drafted it in your favour.


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  #7  
Old 09-21-2019, 01:11 PM
tilt tilt is offline
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Great news! I agree that you want him to get ILA but you canít force him, unfortunately.
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  #8  
Old 09-21-2019, 01:34 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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if he doesnt get ILA then make sure he signs a wavier saying he refused. That way you can prove he knew he needed to get his own advice but he decided not to.
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  #9  
Old 09-21-2019, 03:38 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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If you are working and he is unemployed for whatever reason. I'd be worried about him asking for spousal support from you. Don't tell him you started that job.
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  #10  
Old 09-22-2019, 02:28 PM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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He's on LTD right now. His normal salary is about $25,000 more than what I make. If he even tried, I think I'd lose it.
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