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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21  
Old 07-02-2019, 10:36 AM
Selfrepmom Selfrepmom is offline
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Yes Iím not 100% as I never actually had to file one. Perhaps more seasoned members can chime in on this one
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  #22  
Old 07-02-2019, 12:12 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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I may have missed this...but does your friend want 50/50 with a toddler?

What's the current childcare situation like? do they use a day care? Do they both have 9-5? Not that any of that should be an impediment to 50/50...but I think people get invested in the fight and don't stop enough to think about what they can handle and what their limitations are.

If she assaulted him, any charges laid? or is it a straight he-said-she-said? Do they both have a history of violence?

If she is the one throwing elbows- is SHE safe to be around the kid? Anger issues?
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  #23  
Old 07-02-2019, 12:14 PM
phatkid77 phatkid77 is offline
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Yep.
He wants 50/50. Toddler is in daycare and for the past year heís the one to drop off and pick up.
No charges laid, literally he said she said

He doesnít want a fight. He just wants a schedule and apparently thatís unreasonable


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  #24  
Old 07-02-2019, 12:35 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phatkid77 View Post
No no. Re read. SHE assaulted him
Oh, then he needs to move back home immediately.

Why would he leave an "assaultive" mother alone with his child?

Also, was there an actual assault? Why on earth did he not call the police?

But, seriously, how is it not immediately obvious that he needs to move back home?
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  #25  
Old 07-02-2019, 12:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
does your friend want 50/50 with a toddler? ... I think people get invested in the fight and don't stop enough to think about what they can handle and what their limitations are.
Would you ask the same question if a mother wanted 50/50 parenting time with a toddler and currently had none? I would presume that every parent desires and can handle 100% custody unless demonstrated otherwise.

You gotta admit iona, that was a rather sexist query you put forth there
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  #26  
Old 07-02-2019, 12:39 PM
phatkid77 phatkid77 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Oh, then he needs to move back home immediately.



Why would he leave an "assaultive" mother alone with his child?



Also, was there an actual assault? Why on earth did he not call the police?



But, seriously, how is it not immediately obvious that he needs to move back home?


Well I think he hoped after the first day/week of emotion she would come back to reality. But itís apparent thatís not happening..

Calling the police never really a ďgreat ideaĒ. She would likely start hitting herself and then he ends up getting charged (itís happened... domestic calls are serious biz. They will charge both and let the courts decide)

I mean moving back would be a ďfixĒ to seeing child. But no way anything good comes of it

I recall staying there and my ex constantly antagonizing me. Not coming home so I could go to work while I have my son. Ect ext ext



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  #27  
Old 07-02-2019, 01:29 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Would you ask the same question if a mother wanted 50/50 parenting time with a toddler and currently had none? I would presume that every parent desires and can handle 100% custody unless demonstrated otherwise.

You gotta admit iona, that was a rather sexist query you put forth there
I don't think it was. Yes, I would ask the same question of a woman- are you ready to be 100% parent, or even a 100% parent 50% of the time. My best friend is separating from her husband and I told her she straight up needs to look at whether the kids need to be with her 50% of the time or maybe less. Because frankly, I don't think she wants to parent at a 100% even it was only 50% of the time. She's a great mom- but her and her husband share the parenting a lot. She's able to live the life she has- and she wants BECAUSE her husband is able to be there with the kids. I think divorcing parents- mothers and fathers forget that.

That's what I really mean by asking that question of what do you want.


Quote:
Originally Posted by phatkid77 View Post
Yep.
He wants 50/50. Toddler is in daycare and for the past year heís the one to drop off and pick up.
No charges laid, literally he said she said

He doesnít want a fight. He just wants a schedule and apparently thatís unreasonable


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Does he have a support network to act as the 100% parent for 50% of the time? Again- I think if he doesn't that doesn't mean he shouldn't go for or get 50/50- I just mean to say- it will affect how 50/50 comes about.

What IS actually better for the child? Are there siblings in play? (including half siblings)

I'm of a different opinion than most on this site- in high conflict situations I don't think children need to be shared 50/50 like a toy. Especially when the child is young. All the studies that I've read and secondary literature always seem to put the caveat to the finding of shared physical custody > sole custody, that this is in situation where it is not extremely high conflict or there is a history of family violence.

Again- I ask- since violence seems to be an issue in your friends situation- what's the history there, with the mom?
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  #28  
Old 07-02-2019, 01:41 PM
phatkid77 phatkid77 is offline
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There is half siblings and the schedule proposed is fair in that they would still them and have a relationship like nothing has changed.. but nope. Sole or nothing on their end
The family violence... arguments. Yelling ect. But of course now claiming physical because it helps their agenda... NEVER a police call.... never to the hospital. Just regular fights when both get hot. Of course, her side, his side and the truth... but given everything itís very clear the angle trying to be taken...
again, the above case law and even the Dicorce Act state... past events wonít be used in determining best interest of the child.. even if they fought weekly, does it effect his ability to be a good parent? No.
Just an ploy in lining lawyer pockets


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  #29  
Old 07-02-2019, 01:56 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phatkid77 View Post
again, the above case law and even the Dicorce Act state... past events wonít be used in determining best interest of the child.. even if they fought weekly, does it effect his ability to be a good parent? No.
Just an ploy in lining lawyer pockets


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Actually- past events can be considered. See section 24 of the Children's Law Reform Act, section 24(3) discussing past events has to be read in relation to section 24(4):

....
Past conduct
(3) A personís past conduct shall be considered only,

(a) in accordance with subsection (4); or

(b) if the court is satisfied that the conduct is otherwise relevant to the personís ability to act as a parent. 2006, c. 1, s. 3 (1); 2016, c. 23, s. 7 (2).

Violence and abuse
(4) In assessing a personís ability to act as a parent, the court shall consider whether the person has at any time committed violence or abuse against,

(a) his or her spouse;

(b) a parent of the child to whom the application relates;

(c) a member of the personís household; or

(d) any child. 2006, c. 1, s. 3 (1); 2016, c. 23, s. 7 (2, 3).

....


Violence is going to be a crapshoot if it's he-said-she-said.

If I were him- I'd get myself into counselling quicktime- and try to address the issue. Doesn't matter who started it- he has to show that he won't use violence, derogatory language, etc etc...don't miss this opportunity to show that he can learn and grow from their past situations, etc.

Instead of throwing out offers of just time- couple it it up with family counseling, and family mediation, etc etc etc...
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  #30  
Old 07-02-2019, 02:07 PM
phatkid77 phatkid77 is offline
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Good call. Thanks
And he will 100% he doesnít care. Just wants child.
Meeting with CAS as well, letís be honest if sheís SOOOO WORRIED... why has she not filed a report?


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